


♅ Allodoxaphobia ♅

by CheshireCatLife



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Best Friends, Birthday Cake, Bullying, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Complicated Relationships, Confrontations, Depression, Drug Addiction, Erwin's Eyebrows, Eventual Relationships, Foreshadowing, Insomnia, Jealousy, Loss of Powers, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Disintegration, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, No Smut, No Underage Sex, Paranoia, Platonic Relationships, Romantic Angst, School, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Side Story, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, Underage Kissing, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 83,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9713576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheshireCatLife/pseuds/CheshireCatLife
Summary: ♅ ''i have the ability to control the will of others, yuuri. and...and i hate it,,//Allodoxaphobia. Noun. A fear of other people's opinions//Yuuri can't face the world, he's not ready, not yet. But, there's no avoiding life. Yuuri must fight his way through the crowds with nothing to help him. Viktor's life is almost the perfect opposite, living in riches with a stable job and power that lets him bend anyone's will to what he wants. Together, they make a great pairing, but being together is the problem... ♅





	1. ''Yuuri!''

Failure.

Disaster.

Pointless.

Humiliating.

Punches.

Kicks.

Unconscious.

It was the daily cycle for Yuuri Katsuki, each and every day his mind would haunt him with thoughts of failure only to come the physical pain of school bullies, family and even friends...if that's what they could be called.

Yuuri was alone. That was all that was going for him.

Unlike others, Yuuri was different and everyone knew that the difference was a curse. A curse that would ruin Yuuri's life for eternity.

He had no super power...

No ability...

No super strength...

Or super hearing...

Nothing.

Yuuri was sick of it but it wasn't as if he could do anything so, on the cycle went, day after day, week after week, year after year. He remembered each punch, each kick, each bringing a new scar to his tattered body.

He was unfixable and he never made any attempt to prove anyone wrong by trying, even his parents had given up on him- he was nothing. They had given him his last chance to conceal the truth and live a normal life at a new school. They had told him to say that he had mind control which he refused to use because he didn't like to bend people's well which was uncommon but not as uncommon as nothing at all.

In fact, there wasn't a single record of it that they had found. Maybe the people just didn't want to come out...or maybe they died too early to come out at all.

Yuuri felt like there were so many reasons for himself to die but due to cowardice, he never went through with him. On the contrary, it was bravery that kept him alive- somehow avoiding the constant tonne of bricks being thrown at him.

He still felt like a coward.

It was Yuuri's final day before he started at his new school and he could plainly be described as a nervous wreck. His hands trembled along with the rest of his body as the tears flowed down his face in a chaotic pattern of beauty. Although he was far from beauty, at least in his own mind, he was still grasping at control.

He hadn't fallen into a panic attack; no, these were too often to be that nor were they severe enough to be labelled under that.

This was what Yuuri liked to call a 'worry attack' for lack of a better term. He was stuck in an almost constant state of anxiety and going over the edge for him was hardly severe. He had witness severe before and he was scared to ever cross that line again.

So, he sat with tears in his eyes, creating small puddles on his plush bedroom carpet. He didn't want to leave his own safe cocoon but he knew that tomorrow he would have to face the crowds and push through with a fake smile plastered on his face and lies rolling off his tongue- not that he would pull it off, he never had done before.

The first school, he had spilt the beans to his best friend who wasn't as close as he originally thought and at the young age of ten, the time in which powers become clearer and less vague abilities in certain school activities, he had told almost the whole school causing Yuuri to leave in tears without a single goodbye.

The second school was worse. Within a day the news had spread. This time it wasn't of his own fault but a social media page put up from the school before taunting him. At first, he was upset that another kid could do that- at an age where technology wasn't essential. That was until he found that it was one of the parents that set it up believing his 'anomaly' was something to be feared. It became worldwide news but due to posting any pictures of Yuuri's face being illegal, people still didn't know what the young man with no powers even looked like.

The third went off to a much better start. He had started a new life and didn't talk to many people. Straight away he had made friends with a boy his age, Phichit. Phichit had never questioned his lies, seeing right through them but knew Yuuri lied for good reason, Phichit just assuming that he had a dangerous ability that couldn't be meddled with, he didn't realise that it could be the complete opposite of that. Instead of too much strength, he had too little. But, Phichit never minded but then came the move. His dad had landed a new job in Chicago causing them to leave Thailand, having moved from Japan before that, and leaving Yuuri's only friend behind.

Since then, Yuuri hadn't made any friends nor had the news come out. He had moved from school to school but always for the same reason, bullying. His parents believed that if he moved schools the bullying would stop...but it never did. Yuuri's self-esteem was just too low and nothing was going to fix that.

No one wanted to help.

So, he never got any.

He was left to fend for himself...

'Yuuri!' A yell was heard causing Yuuri to furiously wiping his eyes and making his way down to the kitchen, knowing it was time to eat. He made no attempt at hiding his puffy eyes, it was a usual occurrence by now.

'Oh, Yuuri.' His mum looked down at him as he sat on a creaky chair and facing down at the plate of food in front of him. She looked pitying, it was patronising, he couldn't help but feel belittled but there was no helping that, his mum was worried sick and she would never stop.

'You're going to eat today, aren't you sweetie.' She smiled falsely and motioned to my food. Yuuri had stopped eating many times, losing my appetite quickly at the sight of food. He gained weight easily and his self-esteem only dropped as each pound gained on. So, he decided that his only option was to stop eating altogether.

Of course, after having such a large diet, he gave into his urges many a time and didn't end up losing any weight nor was he gaining any but his parents knew the toll it would take on his health as one day he ate nothing to bingeing on junk food the next.

His mum was attempting to get him back on a normal diet but was failing miserably and had resorted to bribes and sweet talk to get him to do it, making him feel bad- making his condition only worse.

Today he just looked down at his plate and started to pick at it. He managed about half of it, even though it was only a small portion, and pushed the plate away rudely before storming upstairs leaving his mother and sister, who sat opposite him, clueless and confused.

But there was only one thing on Yuuri's mind, how the hell was he going to get through tomorrow?


	2. ''Let Me Move My Arms!''

Viktor laughed aloud. 'Yuri, just because you have heightened strength doesn't mean you can hit me.' He cried out. His arm hurt. The Russian punk, Yuri Plisetsky, sat next to him was smirking smugly, Viktor had never met a gloomier boy before.

Nonetheless, they were friends. They fit perfectly, the age gap was irrelevant- Viktor being 21 and Yuri being only 17. Their powers contradicted each other perfectly, super strength and Viktor's powerful mind control.

Yuri was prone to punching Viktor but he was easily able to stop him from doing it again.

'Viktor. Let me move my arms!' He screamed, paralysed, as Viktor just stared him down. Only a few seconds later, he sighed and released Yuri from his grip.

'Then stop punching me.' He smirked but made no attempt at going any further with his power. He hated using it, it was too much power in his perspective. He had the ability to make anyone do what he wants and he refused to bend someone's will unless under permission.

Ok, paralysing Yuri wasn't exactly under consent but it did no damage and Yuri was used to it by then so they continued bickering like that for another hour before splitting off to their respective homes.

Viktor, being over eighteen, lived alone in a penthouse suite in Chicago. It wasn't anywhere near as nice as his parents' house in Moscow but he couldn't be expected to pay rent any higher than what he was already paying.

His job paid relatively well, working over the state as a supply teacher, but it left his parents to pay most the bills.

Viktor hated being reliant on his parents but he had never lived a life outside of his upper-class status. So, he continued his life being funded by his distant parents whom he rarely talked to.

Yuri, on the other hand, was rather the opposite. His parents relied on his money coming in the form of child benefits. Yuri, like Viktor, didn't particularly care but it did drive him into a constant state of envy portrayed in glares and punches.

Yuri's super strength was common too, along with other things such as super speed and extremely sensitive hearing. Of course, all of them came along with their own differences, making each person's power unique but it came to a point in which people no longer revelled in the powers of which were most common causing so many to start to loathe themselves or envy their more 'capable' friends and family.

Yuri had it under control to an extent but jealousy caused him to be rash in his decisions, distancing the people around him. Nonetheless, Viktor had stuck by his side since they were young and that fact alone kept Yuri going.

The clock struck six and Viktor leapt out of bed, realising what he had to come. 'Der'mo!' He exclaimed, gathering his things into a small, professional-looking briefcase before quickly rushing from his house. He checked his watch, five minutes before the meeting. 'Crap.' He cursed before rushing around the block to his local school.

He had applied for a job less than a month before and a quick interview had to be taken before he could teach there for the next allocated month whilst the previous teacher was on maternity leave.

He rushed into the office with less than seconds to spare, and by that, I mean three minutes late. The principal scowled at him but plastered a smile on his face as if to persuade Viktor to leave. Either way, Viktor had no intention of leaving. This was his chance at a stable job as it was one of the few schools that had a stable teaching job available but all teachers 'interviews' are such are working as a supply teacher for at least a month.

This didn't dissuade Viktor, he didn't mind that this school- that seemed to work rather oddly –was making him do more work. He finally wanted to live his own life and this was the way to do it, or at least that was what he thought.

'So, Mr Nikiforov, what makes you want to teach here?' The principal asked, raising a single eyebrow.

'W-well,' Viktor stuttered, suddenly feeling very pressurised, 'I get on well with kids but don't worry I am good at discipline but really I just want to inspire the kids of this school.' He said, stereotypically, unsure of his actual answer. Or maybe, he just didn't want to share his life story with a stranger. The principal seemed satisfied with the answer and went on to ask the dull questions of qualifications and previous experience before the one dreaded question came up.

'So...' he began, staring down at his sheet of paper, giving him Viktor's details, 'it says here that your power is mind control. I do hope you know that you cannot use that on students.' Viktor nodded his head nervously, he had been fired multiple times for slipping up on that policy. 'We have a strict policy here, Mr Nikiforov, and no teacher are allowed to use their abilities on the children of this school, do you understand?' Viktor nodded once again, still silent.

'Well then,' the principal smiled for the first time, 'welcome to our school!' Viktor's face lit up and he quickly stood to shake the principal's hand and quickly strode out of the office with a confident smile on his face.

'I did it.' He said to himself, almost shocked. 'I really did it.' Viktor made his way back to the car and put the key in the ignition when the phone rang. 'Yes?' He asked calmly as he picked up without even bothering to look at who it was.

'So, how did it go, bastard?' Yuri asked, a sigh placed in for effect. Viktor could hardly hold in his laughs, he almost liked how Yuri seemed to curse at him even when he was being nice- which was actually quite often.

'Great! I got the job!' Viktor exclaimed down the phone, ignoring the other man's moans.

'If you become my teacher, I might kill you, git.' Viktor laughed it off but realised it was a big possibility.

'No worries, Yuri. I'll try not to embarrass you, can't promise anything, though.' Viktor teased and hung up before any more insults could be thrown at him.

He drove home smiling to himself. Today had been a good day for him and he hoped it would only get better.


	3. ''Hello, Class. I'm Mr Nikiforov.'' Pt.I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am English and have no idea about the American school system so this was all learned through Wikipedia or other books. Tell me what's wrong if there is anything :)

Viktor arrived at the school, nervous and shaking but a fake smile still plastered on his face, his emotions stable and unwavering yet somehow stuck in a state of pure panic- somehow not showing outside of his own mind.

His hands gripped the vinyl steering wheel, his hands turning white, microscopically shaking. Oblivious to his surroundings, Viktor got out of the car and practically ran to the staff-room, waiting for his assignment.

Feeling like a student again, he entered the staff-room letting all the teachers gawk at the 'new hot Russian teacher' and waited for his assigned co-worker to give him a schedule. A petite lady with pursed lips hobbled over to him, a frail hand clutching around the folded piece of paper with an over-bearing stamp reading 'schedule'.

Viktor immediately looked over it surprised to see that Russian Poetry was on there. What kind of school taught that? Viktor, ignoring the weird choice in elective, continued to read the multiple periods reading Russian or Art. Being a supply teacher, he had a range of skills- Russian obviously being his best due to it being his first language. Art was a passion of his and he had a good eye for talent meaning he could get even the worst of students through an art course.

Russian poetry...it was simply something he enjoyed reading to pass the time and when he had put it down in the 'interest box' of his application, he did not expect to be teaching a lesson on it.

Now more nervous than before he made his way to his first class and casually stuck his hands in his pockets and pretended not to see the thousands of girls surrounding him, blood pouring from their noses- even some boys too.

Not that Viktor minded, he went either way and that was simply that. Viktor had never had a problem with his sexuality and was happy to flaunt it whenever possible but being in a school, and professional, environment meant it wasn't exactly his time to wear rainbow shirts and go rounding hollering 'I'm bi, everyone! I'm bi.' Which, unsurprisingly, had in fact happened before.

Viktor reached his first class almost just as the bell rang, he stepped inside to find it dark and gloomy, none of the lights were on and it looking dusty from years of being ignored. Quickly, he flicked on the light switch and made his way to the teacher's desk, wiping away the dust, and opened the crumpled schedule that he had stuffed in his pocket.

Period 1- Senior Russian

Period 2- Russian Art

Period 3- Free

Lunch

Period 4- Freshman Russian

Period 5- Art

Viktor was happy that his day was short and he had no lessons for the last few hours of school. So, sighing contently, he leant back in his chair and waited for the Seniors to come in.

-

Yuuri was terrified. He had entered straight into senior year and he was less than delighted. The bell had rung and students flooded around him. He had already collected his flimsy schedule from the office and had only barely managed to open his new locker before throwing everything in.

Now, he stood outside his first lesson- Russian. He wasn't looking forward to it but he was good at it and was glad that his new school did it at all. Taking a deep breath, he entered and was shocked to see only about four other students in the classroom. He wasn't late, that was a plus.

As the next few students flooded in, he found that the class was quite small. Russian mustn't be common here. It annoyed him, he was great at Russian but wasn't much for drawing attention to himself so it left him in a conundrum- did he speak up and get a good grade or did he stay quiet and have to ace all his tests? He went for the second. Simply because he would probably ace all his tests anyway but with low self-esteem and panic attacks, it would definitely be an extra weight on his shoulders.

The class soon fell silent and the teacher stood up from his chair and...wow. Yuuri hadn't looked at him before but he was a male, early twenties, with shimmering silver hair and eyes as bright as the sun- Yuuri was mesmerised.

He only broke out of his reverie when the new teacher, Mr Nikiforov, introduced himself- a strong Russian accent underlying his voice.

'Hello, class! I'm Mr Nikiforov. It's very nice to meet you all.' He smiled and Yuuri felt blown away, how could someone be so handsome- he liked girls but at this rate, he wasn't even sure.

He groaned silently, realising what he was thinking. This was his teacher for God's sake!

Mr Nikiforov continued his introduction explaining his position as a supply teacher until the previous teacher returned, although Yuuri had never met her, he heard whispers obviously complimenting her from all sides.

'Also!' He finalised, sounding too excited for his own good. 'Can any new students please raise their hands!' He smiled delightfully and scanned the room to see who put their hand up.

No one did but they all did one thing, they stared at Yuuri Katsuki, the obvious new kid. Suddenly, out of nowhere a voice spoke up. 'Viktor, that pig over there is new.' The kid, covering his face with his shaggy blonde hair, stuck his thumb back at Yuuri, not even glancing in his direction and left the rest to Mr Nikiforov or apparently, Viktor.

'Yuri, no first names in school.' Yuuri looked up confused, thinking he had called out to him, to see the new teacher scolding the Russian teen almost as if they were friends.

This would be hard, two Yuuris in the same class and almost the complete opposites.

Mr Nikiforov left Yuri alone and went back to his desk but called for Yuuri to stand up. He blushed under the classes gaze and stood behind his chair.

'Yuuri Katsuki, sir.' He mumbled, barely loud enough for the person next to him to hear. The class just stared at him as if he hadn't said anything at all, waiting patiently for a name.

'Yuuri Katsuki, sir.' He repeated, loud enough for people to hear it as a whisper but Viktor looked content enough and sat down, letting Yuuri sit down too. This would be an interesting lesson.


	4. ''Hello, Class. I'm Mr Nikiforov.'' Pt.II

Yuuri sat in Russian, his face still bright red. Mr Nikiforov had finally spoken up after a short silence. He looked to be deep in thought and seemed to break out of his reverie at his own words. 'Now, before we begin, we should probably address the two Yuuri situation.' He smirked childishly and glanced at the other Yuri.

'I know! Yuri Plisetsky, you're now Yurio! Yuuri Katsuki, you can stay the same.' He sent a mild and calming smile Yuuri's way before glancing back to Yurio, Yuuri swore he could see steam blowing from his ears.

'But Viktor-' He was cut off by Mr Nikiforov immediately muttering 'Mr Nikiforov' but let Yurio carry on.

'Why do I have to change my name when that pig can keep it the same!'

Viktor just shrugged, smiling pleasantly as if he hadn't been shouted at, and simply decided to continue on with his lesson, introducing himself a second time in Russian and it seemed only the two Yuuri's understood him at all. It became clear who understood him when he cracked a bad Russian joke and only two of them laughed. Yuuri, horrifically embarrassed about the attention on him, immediately hid his face in his hands and blushed heavily, the attention was slowly fading away but it seemed Yurio was revelling in it but it seemed that, under the surface, he was in fact quite nervous too.

Viktor, on the other hand, looked calm and happy- surprising for a new teacher, especially a supply teacher. He didn't tremble, he didn't stutter- he was the perfect representation of calm.

And that was how the lesson continued, Russian being spoken then explained for the others in the class whilst Yuuri and Yurio sat waiting for the bell. It wasn't as Yuuri didn't know Russian would be easy but he didn't think it would be this easy. Each sentence was simply, only six words at most. He taught us the basics of colours and the days of the week and that seemed to be all.

Yuuri had done Russian in his spare time and lots at previous schools giving him a diverse knowledge of the subject so going over this wasn't exactly Yuuri's dream lesson.

It seemed he wasn't the only bell as when the bell finally rang, everyone sighed, rushing to get to their next class.

The Yuuris were the only ones to remain seated. 'Yurio, don't be mad.' Mr Nikiforov sighed, a smile still gracing his lips.

'Mad! Viktor, I am furious! Yurio?! WHY YURIO?!' The kid roared, slamming his fist on his desk before making his way to Viktor.

'Well, it was the only option!' Viktor defended, raising his hands in surrender. 'I wasn't about to change a stranger's name.' So Yuuri was right, Viktor and Yurio were friends. He shrugged it off and went back to analysing the cracks in his desk and waiting for the bell to ring again.

Mr Nikiforov made no move to leave his seat either. Yuuri raised his hand hesitantly to which Viktor immediately smiled at him and gestured for him to speak.

'Um...a-are y-y-you the Russian P-Poetry teacher?' He stuttered, the words coming out disjointed and barely recognisable but Viktor, despite English not being his first language, seemed to understand him just fine.

He nodded a smile gracing his lips. 'Is it a small class again? Russian Poetry isn't exactly a common elective for a school to give.' He asked, his Russian accent still pronouncing each word almost perfectly. Yuuri shrugged, he was at a loss being new too so he just glanced over at Yurio, him being the only one with an answer.

The Russian punk shrugged, 'there's about ten, eleven now pig is here.' He growled, his hood coming over his face just a bit more.

Viktor laughed and Yuuri looked up scared, how could he not be frightened of this kid? Yuuri could only assume it was because they were friends. Did they know each other from Russia? It seemed like the best reason he could come up with but how had a twenty-something-year-old manage to make friends with a sixteen-year-old? It didn't really matter but often Yuuri's curiosity got the best of him but he was too shy to even speak up so instead, he analyses them curiously looking for clues from their behaviour and body language as to how this friendship had occurred.

He watched at a distance barely being noticed as one by one the next batch of students entered the room and Yurio and Viktor gravitated apart, returning to their student, teacher role.

Mr Nikiforov repeated the exact same introduction as before except skipping calling out new students, knowing Yuuri was the only one new there. It seemed that everyone in this class knew Yurio a lot better by the shock they wore on their faces as Viktor seemed to blatantly offend him. By the end of the lesson, Yurio was fuming and ready to slam Viktor's head on this desk- which Yuuri was sure he could do as he had mentioned his super strength earlier. Just the thought of powers sent a surge of depression through Yuuri. He glanced around nervously as if someone could read his thoughts. Although he had never seen that power, he was sure someone had it.

The surge seemed to flood out of him when he concentrated back on the board seeing a poem that seemed to be in English but must have been written by a Russian. Above it read 'Stranger by Alexander Blok'.

Mr Nikiforov's face seemed to light up at the sight of it, it was one of his favourites. He didn't think it would be on there when he had pulled up a random PowerPoint from the school archive. He began to talk to the class about it, enthusiasm evident in his voice, whilst Yuuri simply read the poem, a small smile graced his lips.

It was a contrasting poem, there was an overlying theme of how drunkards acted but somewhere underneath was a love story. Something for the reader to find out themselves, it was a beautiful poem and it seemed that Yuuri agreed on Viktor on this occasion, this would have to be one of his favourites.

The lesson was soon cut off by the bell and once again the student's flooded out to get to lunch, Yuuri following behind them, his head hanging low and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie.

'Yuuri Katsuki?' A gentle Russian accent called from behind him. Mr Nikiforov stood behind him, a worried expression morphing his face. 'Are you okay?' He asked, simply, but Yuuri said nothing in reply. Why was he asking this? What made him worry about Yuuri? He didn't stick out, did he? Yuuri's mind seemed to head in circles as he didn't even try to voice his thoughts causing Viktor to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

'I may be new but I will always be there for my students. If you need anything, just come to me.' He smiled and released Yuuri, who still hadn't said a word, and left him timidly shuffle out of the classroom.

Yuuri almost wanted to laugh. Come to me with anything, he had said. As if. As if he could tell his brand new supply teacher that he had no power. He wondered what Mr Nikiforov's was. He didn't seem to match anything strength related, he seemed to have the persona of a person with a mental ability.

With that on his mind, Yuuri headed out to lunch and sat alone in Loner's Corner, ready for the day to end.


	5. ''Stay After Class''

Despite the awkward start, school went on as usual. Yuuri went through like a ghost, silent and unseen. Only looked upon when called out in class or Yurio scoffed at him, something that was becoming a common occurrence.

It did seem, though, that one person had taken a notice to him and that was his supply teacher, Mr Nikiforov. It scared him, he didn't like the feeling of their eyes making contact or how his hand would sometimes leaning too heavily on his shoulder when helping him. He hated when the breath would hit his neck making him shudder, unknowing of why.

There was at least one thing he was glad for, though, and that was the obliviousness to powers. It was as if they didn't exist here. Of course, friends still showed off to each other with them and sure, sometimes students were told off for using them in class but, excluding all the minor things, not a single person cared.

Yuuri revelled in that fact, he was never asked what it was- he never had to lie. There was still that dawning dread in the pit of his stomach but somehow, it had become manageable and he was no longer ruled by it.

This was at school, that is. A few days couldn't make him throw away that self-hatred he had clutched onto his whole life. A lack of questions couldn't just make him smile again. A few kind words couldn't make the panic attacks go away.

He could just hold it in long enough for no one to notice.

He was the shy nerd who sat in the corner alone because he didn't like to be bothered. He had built the reputation easily and no one seemed to have a problem with it. Of course, there were the few that made conversation with him, to which he didn't mind if they didn't stick around.

Yuuko seemed to be a common visitor and loved to rant on about boys to him, which he didn't mind if he only had to nod as he peacefully ate his lunch. Phichit, oddly, had gotten in touch too and often called him at lunch times to say hi. He missed Phichit and was glad to be able to talk to an old friend, one who didn't know his secret but didn't mind. He liked to be naïve, he was better off that way.

It was Tuesday now, eight days since he had started school, and he was as nervous as ever. He entered through the main doors and winded his way around the crowded halls to find his locker, bland, blue and small.

When he opened it, he found it empty and simply stuffed his bag in it before getting out the books he needed and heading to his first class.

It was Russian, it seemed to often that he had Russian as he made his way to the door. That would be followed immediately by Maths when he would then have a break.

He sighed and pushed open the door, revealing an already bustling classroom. He was late in today and had missed homeroom but was glad to make it, without much time to spare, to his first class.

Viktor shot him and kind smile whilst Yurio thinned his eyes which followed him to where he sat the back of the classroom where Yuuko was talking too quickly for Yuuri to understand, not that he cared to anyway.

Yuuko continued to talk, loudly and obnoxiously yet making good background noise, when Mr Nikiforov finally spoke up and began the class.

'Hi, everyone! To start, I'm already sick of this whole Mr Nikiforov, no one can pronounce it anyway,' he stopped, sighing. 'So I decided that calling me Viktor is fine.' He smiled, wide and gleefully. Everyone looked relieved, it was true that few people could pronounce his name nor spell it and although calling a teacher by their first name is awkward, to say the least, it would definitely bring a sense of ease to the class.

Viktor then started the class, writing simple words on the board and asking them all to repeat them after him- simple really but hard to keep focused on.

It seemed that both Yuuri and Yurio were about to sleep when the bell rang as both jumped in fright and gained a 'stay after class' from Viktor.

Yurio groaned obnoxiously loudly whilst Yuuri blushed in embarrassment and made his way to Viktor's desk.

The classroom cleared quickly and just the three of them were left. Viktor sighed and beckoned Yurio over who, a long time later, came to stand next to Yuuri and opposite Viktor who was on the other side of the desk, leaning relaxed onto his chair.

'OK, I know you guys find this easy but please pay attention.' Viktor sighed again, though his smile never left his face. 'If you want I can set you homework that might not bore you to death but I cannot do anything about lessons.' He smiled at both of them, perking up at his sudden idea.

They nodded, the idea seemingly flawless. Extra tuition wasn't an option with the amount of work already on their plate and they only needed to be able to pass the simple Russian exam so some fairly challenging homework might actually help them learn. Although, it seemed the Yurio wasn't too happy about actually having to put effort into his Russian homework- or any work for that matter.

It made Yuuri glad, it was an easy distraction and he would take it regardless of his current schedule. Finally, the bell rang, indicating they were late to their next class which Viktor apologised profusely for before letting them go.

Yurio, having science next, made his way outside to go to the next block leaving Yuuri alone in the corridors, really not feeling up for Maths.

He sighed and beelined for the toilets, sitting in a stall and pulling out his phone. One notification, it told him. He quickly unlocked his phone and opened it. A message from anonymous: 'I thought having a lame power was weak, none at all? Now that's just pathetic.' Yuuri clutched his phone. Whoever had sent that had to be someone who could get his contact details and he had no idea.

It didn't matter, anyway. It was enough to crush Yuuri's self-esteem more than it already had. A tear slipped down his cheek, now he didn't think he could get through the day at all.

He was hopeless.


	6. ''I Can Tell Something's Wrong''

Tears. Just water, weren't they? It's worthy of laugh when someone tells you tears are so insignificant.

Tears are crucial, excruciating. They show true sadness, not just that dip in the road but the fall on a rollercoaster where you can't see where it comes back up.

You're left alone in a blurred world and that world becomes your entirety, you can only focus on the blurred image you are seeing and the sting of the tears on your cheeks.

Then, you begin to sob and all the breath is strangled out of you and you are robbed of that simple, yet crucial, life force.

Tears are significant, no matter what caused them. Tears mean someone is in dire need of help or maybe, they are just in dire need of the ability to prevent an overdose of their own emotions.

Emotions are like a drug and it seemed to be the only thing Yuuri could feel alongside the stinging sensation of water against his cheeks and the pain in his chest of where breath was no longer available.

It was all too much. Yuuri had a thin wire and this time it hadn't just snapped, it had been torn to shreds.

This was his last chance at happiness and he knew that it had just flown out the window.

He wanted to leave, to escape but it would just end in the inevitable- something worse.

It seemed that every time he ran, it got worse and every time he stayed, it got worse.

Not matter what he did, it got worse.

A strangled sob rang throughout the cubicle, echoing back at Yuuri as if to laugh in his face.

'Yuuri?' He heard the muffled Russian voice from outside the cubicle door.

Yuuri silenced himself, clamping his mouth shut trying to halt the painful sobs that were flaming in his throat.

Tears formed in his eyes once again and ran down his face in fear. He hadn't had time to even contemplate who was outside that door but he wanted them to go away.

'Yuuri, open up.' That smooth accent hushed, causing Yuuri to stop for just a second before finally reaching a conclusion- Viktor.

'No.' Yuuri stated, saying no more.

'Please?' Viktor sounded unsure, it sounded foreign in his voice. Viktor was always so sure of himself, so blunt but now, Yuuri could hear the fear in his voice.

'I don't want to talk.' Yuuri muffled another sob, regretting ever speaking in the first place. There was no denying that it was him now.

'Yuuri, I can tell something's wrong. Just open that door.' Yuuri hated how relaxed it made him as every word smoothly made its way out of his mouth. Yuuri felt like he was being lulled to sleep by the accent alone. It was so gentle, unexpected of what is stereotypical of that accent.

'I can't.' He cried out, trying to restrain his hand which was already reaching for the latch on the door. His hand trembled as it rested on the lock, one flick of a wrist away from unlocking the cubicle door.

'Yuuri, you can.' Yuuri could hear the manipulative calmness to his voice. He wanted Yuuri to open that door and to Viktor, smooth talking had always worked. Yuuri, despite his internal screams, flicked his fingers to the left, leaving the door unlocked but not open.

He sat back, huddled on the toilet seat with his eyes closed, unwilling to see Viktor's reaction. In seconds, he could feel gentle arms encasing him. His eyes flung open to see Viktor's tall frame awkwardly leaning down to hug Yuuri.

'Let's talk somewhere else, shall we?' Despite being reluctant, Yuuri had no energy to fight against it nor could he find the will power to be anything but subordinate. Viktor led the way, his hand clamped around Yuuri's arm and brought him towards his empty classroom, locking the door behind them.

Viktor wanted privacy, he couldn't see Yuuri break down again simply because another human saw him. Yuuri in that moment could practically see someone coming to the door, trying to get in, scaring both him and Viktor but said nothing about the vivid image in his mind.

'Yuuri, you can tell me what's going on. I've seen you go around the school alone. You seem to have no interest in making friends or anything of the sort. What's wrong?' Viktor's gentle voice rang out loud throughout the almost silent classroom. Their breaths being the only thing heard as the quiet echoes of Viktor's voice faded away.

'I don't want to talk about it.' Yuuri whispered, his voice almost mute even in the soundless room.

'Yuuri. I don't ever force anyone to do anything... I can...but I won't. So please, just tell me.' Viktor begged, his face contorting into one of desperation. 'Please.' He repeated. Yuuri had never seen a teacher like this, scrap that, he had never seen anyone like this.

'It was just a message I got...that's all.' Yuuri muttered, hoping that Viktor wouldn't hear him and let him go. That wasn't the case nor would that ever be the case. Viktor was there to help and wouldn't let Yuuri go until he knew what was wrong.

Viktor sighed when he saw Yuuri's face. 'Come to me at lunchtimes. You need someone to talk to and I'm not one to force someone to go the physiatrist's office.'

Yuuri nodded finding no other option in this situation, this was so new to him. Why had Viktor done this? Pity, presumably. Little did Yuuri know that Viktor really was just doing this out of the kindness of his heart. He couldn't bear to see someone so...mournful- mournful when there was no one to mourn.

'Meet me here.' Yuuri nodded again before swiftly leaving the room and heading outside to wait until he was ordered to go to his next class.

Yuuri rummaged through his pockets to find a packet of gum with just a single piece left in it. He took it out and popped it into his mouth, the repetitive chewing action calming him slightly along with the memory of Viktor's voice.

Yuuri realised in that moment that he didn't mind if it was out of pity, Viktor was helping it and just his atmosphere alone made Yuuri accept it with a small smile. It would all end in ruins but he felt it was worth it just to spend time with his teacher.

His teacher...dear God, what had he gotten himself into.


	7. ''I Didn't Realise''

A week passed and the effects of Yuuri's counselling was beginning to show. Although Yuuri was still reserved, he began to talk to the few that put an effort into talking to him and he had made himself a small group of friends in just a week.

Viktor, proud of his work, still saw Yuuri every lunch to talk about what was going on. Yuuri still hadn't show Viktor the message he had been sent nor had he told Viktor of his predicament if that was what it could even be called.

Viktor had now taken up a permanent role in the school as well due to the amazing work he had done in getting the students interested in Russian and passing them with high grades. Yuuri couldn't be more excited to have Viktor as his teacher for the rest of the year but something inside of him was still scared of what could happen.

He didn't want to tell someone his problems because they were his to bear and he had learnt that over time. Putting problems onto other people had only caused him suffering and he wasn't ready to do that again. So, for now, he was a closed book that even Viktor couldn't pry open.

They still had their weekly sessions despite Yuuri not talking just to make small talk and give Yuuri some company that wasn't his small group of friends. His newly found friends were still distant to him. He didn't talk to them much, despite them talking to him, and followed the around school like a lost puppy.

Yuuko, her boyfriend Takeshi, Minako and Minami were all talkative and were happy to drag Yuuri along on the road despite the ridicule it got them from Yurio and his band of friends.

Yuuri sat in Viktor's classroom explaining his friendship, only really skimming the edge of his feelings. Viktor understood his resistance but was desperate for Yuuri to open up. 'Yuuri stop.' Viktor sighed, interrupting Yuuri from his rambling.

Yuuri immediately stopped and looked up at Viktor, confusion plastered on his face. 'What's wrong?' Viktor asked for the third time in the last two days. It was Thursday and a cold day, they were both huddled, sitting down, by the radiator on the left side of Viktor's classroom.

'Nothing's wrong.' Yuuri lied, taking a sudden interest in his hands, examining each and every line to avoid Viktor's piercing gaze. 

'That is not true, we both know that.' Viktor's accent was heavy and sad. He couldn't find a way that would persuade Yuuri to open up and finally tell him what was on his mind. 'Give me your phone, unlock it first.' Viktor ordered as Yuuri looked up at him like a deer in the headlights.

'No!' His reply was too quick, too sudden. Yuuri realised his mistake when it was too late. 'Please, don't.' His voice cracked and Viktor took his hand away from where it was laying ready to take the phone from Yuuri. 

Shaking his head, Viktor put his hand back, ignoring the broken look on his face. 'Give me your phone. If you are too scared to do it yourself, I want to see what that person sent you.' There was no arguing with the order in his voice and Yuuri handed over his phone, a tear slipping down his cheek.

Viktor pretended not to notice, too caught up in his own selfishness to realise that Yuuri was afraid for his life and was ready to run out of the room at any moment. Viktor brought the screen to his face and pressed on his texting app.

There was only one text message on there. 'I thought having a lame power was weak, none at all? Now that's just pathetic.' Viktor gasped and looked over at Yuuri, his eyes full of panic. 'This is what you didn't want me to know. I didn't realise...I didn't realise it was so serious.' Viktor panicked his eyes flicking between Yuuri and his phone, dropping the phone to the floor.

'I'm so sorry.' Viktor cried dragging Yuuri into his arms. Yuuri couldn't believe it. Viktor wasn't afraid, he wasn't angry...he was sorry. He had taken Yuuri's feelings into consideration only after he had found out.

Viktor was giving him pity but Yuuri didn't care, he sucked it up. Yuuri hadn't felt this kind of relief in years. He had been accepted by someone who wasn't his own flesh and blood. He buried his face in Viktor's chest, not caring who could walk in on them anymore- the door was locked anyway.

Then, he jumped. The door rattled as if someone was desperate to get in. Just like Yuuri had seen last week, he shook his head almost laughing at the coincidence. The sound didn't stop for another thirty seconds and Viktor finally let go of Yuuri, wiping the boy's tears away, before unlocking the door whilst Yuuri remained hidden behind a sea of tables and chairs.

It was the headmaster. Yuuri's eyes widened as he realised that he wasn't supposed to be in here, whether it was for a good reason or not, a student huddled in a corner did not look like a student was here to do work.

'I need to talk to you in my office, Mr Nikiforov.' The headmaster's voice echoed around the room and Yuuri flinched but didn't move an inch. Viktor looked behind him, pretending to look out the window when he was really checking that Yuuri was okay. 

Yuuri smiled that the man cared. He smiled because this man was becoming his lifeline, the only thing keeping him from falling back down the hole that was his own depression. The thing that had crippled his whole life was becoming a distant memory.

Viktor left the room, following the headmaster and left Yuuri alone. Yuuri knew where the key was and would have no trouble in finding it but Yuuri didn't want to leave- not yet.

He sat, thinking about the man who had just smiled at him despite knowing he was a flaw in society, an outcast.

Yuuri couldn't wipe the smile off his face, despite the tears that were still leaking from his eyes. Yuuri liked this man, loved this man. Then, he stopped. Yuuri had just said, even if it were in his mind, that he loved this man- his teacher.

Yuuri had just said he was in love with his teacher. Then, it all came crashing down and that hole wasn't so distant anymore.

He fell.


	8. ''No''

Yuuri didn't turn up to his next session, or the one after that. What used to be a daily occurrence now didn't exist at all. Viktor was suspicious but didn't push Yuuri, who still turned up to school and still talked to- or followed- his friends.

Viktor felt unneeded and something about that set him on edge. He now taught classes as any other teacher. He had reverted back to Mr Nikiforov and he was stricter on his teachers. His smile had faded to an uncomfortable grimace and his eyes no longer held the light they used to.

Yuuri was the same. He had stopped eating and the little he talked to his friends had now become null. He followed them to avoid suspicion but questions directed at him would be answered with no more than a hum or a nod- sometimes a shrug.

Viktor knew Yuuri's secret now too and it had set them both another bought of depression. Viktor wanted to comfort him but Yuuri was pulling away. Yuuri, on the other hand, was scared of every word Viktor said. He didn't trust anyone, even his smiling trustworthy Russian teacher.

He knew at some point the news was going to come out and he would deal with the consequences. He wouldn't be able to escape it. He was normal and in a world where special was the norm, he had no chance of survival.

The world was a cruel place and there was no doubt that Yuuri had been caught in the middle of it all.

A week had passed since Viktor found out and Yuuri was sat in the Russian classroom, as he often did with his classes being nearly every day. Viktor started the lesson with a forced smile and a glare at Yurio who was chewing gum at the back of the class. 'Throw the gum in the bin, Yurio.' Yurio nodded, for once complying.

In truth, Yurio was worried about Viktor. Viktor was his friend and he had never seen him like this. Yurio wanted to talk to Viktor but he couldn't find the time nor the place to do so. Yurio could see what was happening and he was afraid, for both of them. Yurio, despite his mean demeanour, cared for his friends- if Yuuri could be counted within that circle.

There was nothing any of them could do now, it was up to themselves to fix this mess they had put themselves in. They all blamed themselves and maybe they were right to, none of them were putting any effort into fixing it- they sulked, hoping one day all would fall back into place.

That's not how life works. It did not fall into place. Another two weeks then passed and nothing happened. Viktor's smile faded from even a grimace to nothing- his face was blank. Yurio's attitude had changed from sarcastic to truly cruel, once even trying to throw a punch at Yuuri, only restrained by Viktor's tight grip.

And Yuuri, Yuuri was the worst of them all. He had fallen and he was falling fast. What was once not wanting to eat was now starving himself, what was once clenching his fists as an outlet had turned to blood oozing out of his skin.

Yuuri had fallen and for such a pitiful reason. Yuuri was set off by such simple things. A mean comment from Yurio, another line across his skin. Viktor's knowledge of his secret, another line across his skin. A smile on another face, a line across his skin.

His thoughts, a line across his skin.

Yuuri was trapped in a cage that he had set up. He had escaped for a few days, he was allowed the taste of freedom before he shoved himself back inside, afraid of what that freedom's consequences were.

Yuuri was afraid. There was nothing more to it. That was why he closed in himself. That was why he had caused Viktor so much turmoil. That was why Yurio had become so much more aggressive.

He didn't mean to cause this for others. He couldn't even see it happening. He was stuck inside his own mind and he couldn't see what was going on around him.

'Yuuri.' Viktor stated, repeating himself. Yuuri's head shot up, he had no idea what had just been said or what he was supposed to say. So, he stayed silent.

Viktor sighed. 'Answer the question on the board, Yuuri.' Yuuri shrugged, not feeling up to speak or not trusting himself to speak. He knew a word out of his mouth would come out as silent, his voice would fail him.

Viktor sighed again. 'Yuuri. I know you know.' Those four words hit Yuuri hard. It wasn't even what Viktor implied but those stated so much truth in them. Yuuri knew he knew, he had told him his secret. And now, everything had fallen apart.

'No.' He stated, his voice wavering and quiet. But, Viktor heard. Heads turned. Any student in Viktor's class could see something happened between the two but it was impossible to know what.

Many hadn't heard Yuuri talk ever, except to answer questions. 'Yuuri.' Viktor warned.

'No.' Yuuri stated, his voice much stronger but no louder. Yuuri stood up, he wanted to leave.

Yuuri left without a word then, the whole class gaping at him. Viktor scowled and caught Yuuri's arm on the way out. 'Yuuri, you can't leave in the middle of a lesson.' Viktor warned but Yuuri could hear it. Yuuri could hear what he was trying to say, they had that bond and Yuuri hated it.

Yuuri was falling, not into a hole of depression, but for him- for Viktor. 'But I am.' Yuuri stated, tears collecting in his eyes but his face set, impassive. With that, he left. He left to cut, he left to let it out. He left and he didn't go back. He didn't want to go back. He couldn't go back.

Yuuri couldn't face Viktor again. He couldn't bear to see the look of rejection on Viktor's face. Yuuri hated that if he went back he would do something irrational. He hated that Viktor cared for him as nothing but a friend- he hated that Viktor did what he was supposed to do.


	9. ''Just Tell Me, Little One''

The next week went by fast, for Yuuri at least. For Viktor, the week went by rather slowly. It was his fault, really. He had followed Yuuri round all week to the best of his ability and it had only caused him more pain.

Yuuri had resulted to the childish tactic of the silent treatment. Since his outburst, Yuuri had not said a word. Not only to Viktor but everyone. Yuuri had stayed in a bubble of silence that was not only ebbing his soul way but the people around him too.

Yuuri had a lot of people who cared about him but his own supposedly screwed up mind led him to believe that it was all false. He believed that if he told anyone of his secret, they would abandon him.

But, it was the other way around. He had told someone and he had abandoned them. But, they would not give up; Viktor would not give up. Viktor was fighting to drag Yuuri out of that hole he had fallen into time and time again. Viktor felt like he had been the one to push him in.

Viktor the following days simply tailed Yuuri but soon enough, he began to confront him. All he got, though, was a quiet sigh or a shake of the head. Yuuri was in no way rude in his avoidance but never did he break his silence.

It was as if the silence was crucial to his life. It was as if he was worried that everything would fall upon him if he let himself use his voice. Of course, that was not the case and even Yuuri knew that, in his subconscious.

Yuuri’s rational mind knew that this was all false and that he was leading himself to believe false truths. His irrational mind, though, was stronger. It had the power to take over Yuuri to the extent that he was unaware of his surroundings.

Yuuri was always looking into the future, worrying about it. He rarely thought of the past or the present, only bringing them up to pull himself further down. And, he was doing just that when Viktor appeared for the fourth time that day.

‘Yuuri!’ Viktor shouted in a falsely kind tone. Yuuri walked faster than he had been before, pushing through people, ignoring their malicious comments as their shoulders brushed. ‘Yuuri, stop!’ Viktor yelled again, drawing unwanted attention to the both of them.

Yuuri beelined for the toilets but was blocked by a panting Viktor who had obviously just run to get ahead of him. Yuuri, rather than caving, pushed Viktor aside and walked into the toilets.

Viktor could very well follow but he knew the attention that would get would be worse than the attention he had already been drawing for the last two weeks. Students were starting to talk; rumours were spreading fast.

Viktor had heard many of them, each more sadistic or just plain silly as they came around. The original was simply that Yuuri had failed to do many homeworks and Viktor was trying to confront him about the subject. Then, they had simply gotten ludicrous. The next had been a secret affair between the two had happened but Yuuri had cut him off and Viktor was running after him like a lost sheep. It had even gone so far to state that Viktor was an alien and Yuuri knew his secret and was terrified of him and refused to go near him.

None of the rumours were correct. Some were close but the situation was complex and was not something that should have rumours revolving around it. Viktor was glad that Yuuri’s silence had meant that it was unlikely he had heard any of the rumours. Yuuri kept to himself, sitting alone most days to avoid talking so he didn’t hear many people speak casually to him.

Viktor at that moment, though, hardly cared for the rumours. He wanted to follow Yuuri but he had a reputation to uphold so he took a deep breath and walked, step by step, away from the area that Yuuri was now stood, trembling.

Viktor, his shoulders slumped and a defeated look on his face, head back to his classroom where Yurio was waiting, digging into a packet of crisps to pass the time. It was no surprise to him when Viktor came back, his happy mood that had grown throughout the day dead. He should have known. It was Viktor’s fourth attempt that day, it was unlikely to be any more successful than the first three.

‘Do you want to know why he’s ignoring you?’ Yurio finally stated. He had kept to himself the last few days too. He didn’t want to tell Viktor why Yuuri was ignoring him but it was clear enough the last few days. He had looked at someone like that for a long time too.

Viktor’s head shot around to look of Yurio, his face hopeful rather than disappointed.

‘Tell me!’ It was the first glimpse of excitement Yurio had seen in weeks and despite his constant bad attitude, it brought a small smile to his face.

‘I didn’t want to tell you, it’s Yuuri’s secret to tell but it’s obvious he won’t and it maybe is worth confronting him about.’ Yurio sounded oddly sincere and the whole situation was starting to confuse Viktor.

Viktor and Yurio were close and they had been for a while now and Viktor knew that it was not often that Yurio smiled or was sincere but it seemed that he cared for Yuuri, a lot, despite being constantly rude to him.

‘Just tell me, little one.’ Viktor smiled, that beaming smile that came along anytime he saw hope or joy, using the nickname that Yurio never really understood- he wasn't particularly short or young. Yurio nodded defeatedly and took a deep breath.

‘He likes you, Viktor. Not just as a friend. I’m surprised you haven’t seen it.’ Yurio shook his head, knowing what it was like to someone to not see the look in your eyes when you looked at them. Yurio was in the same position as Yuuri but his self-esteem was just that bit stronger that Yurio hadn’t fallen but something about that path he was taking said he would.

Viktor took a step back, shocked. That was not what he expected, not at all. He had believed it was to do with Yuuri’s secret. In a lot of ways, it was. There were so many factors contributing towards it. But, Yuuri’s silence had come about at the moment he realised he liked Viktor, more than a friend that is.

Yuuri was ashamed of himself and Viktor, to his own hatred, was disappointed in him too. Viktor at that point didn’t realise that he cared more for Yuuri than just a friend was but Viktor had more life-experience and it had only made the denial stronger. Viktor believed that he didn’t feel the same way for Yuuri that Yuuri did him.

Viktor was wrong, he just didn’t know it yet.


	10. ''I Said GET OFF!''

‘Yuuri, talk to me, please.’ Viktor begged as the rest of the children left the classroom. Yuuri spun his head round, his raven hair falling into place. His chocolate irises piercing Viktor’s heart. ‘I have nothing to say to you.’ Yuuri murmured what was supposed to be an affront but found no strength within himself to make it so.

‘You can’t ignore me forever.’ He growled, his joyous façade crumbling before Yuuri’s eyes. Yuuri gritted his teeth, grimacing behind Viktor’s back as he turned around to make his way out. Although, Viktor wasn’t going to let him go this time. This time, Viktor grabbed his arm, clutching it like a vice and returning him to the room.

‘Don’t touch me.’ Yuuri’s voice cracked as he shook his arm away. Viktor held no remorse anymore. He would make Yuuri speak, even by force. Within these events, Viktor had lost himself. He had once been happy, free and now he felt suffocated, trapped and most of all, blue. Viktor was blue. A blue that could only be compared to black. He was trapped in such darkness that only had the glimpse of hope, colour and that colour, that colour was the colour of sadness.

They had both fallen the wrong way. They were supposed to fall in love. They weren’t supposed to fall apart. ‘I know why you are like this, Yuuri. But, I want to hear it from you. No more denial, no more lies, no more ignoring. Just tell me.’ Viktor pleaded, clutching at Yuuri’s arm again. His eyes told the story, he was open, vulnerable and was ready to receive the wound.

Yuuri paused, contemplated and decided all within seconds. He put no thought into it, really. He asked himself one thing. What could go wrong? His answer, everything. So, he said it. ‘I like you, okay!’ His voice was explosive, sudden, unexpected. It all came too quickly and despite Viktor’s previous knowledge of the subject, it didn’t stop him from flinching at Yuuri’s voice.

‘I know it’s unrequited and that’s why I’ve been ignoring you, you…’ He found nothing abrasive enough to call him. He was at a loss for words. He had once cared so much for this man but it had only made him a bomb, a bomb that had just gone off.

‘Yuuri.’ Viktor sighed, placing a reassuring hand on Yuuri’s shoulder.

‘I said GET OFF!’ Viktor stumbled back, the noise as harsh as a punch. Yuuri didn’t mean to explode. No one ever means to explode. It takes a lot to make a person scream and somehow, this had built up over so long, he had no choice but to explode.

‘I don’t want you! I don’t want your help! I want none of it!’ Yuuri screamed and Viktor couldn’t help but be glad that these rooms were at least somewhat sound-proofed. He was sure, though, that if anyone stood outside this room, they would hear it all.

‘You’re really worried if anyone will hear? Of course, they will! I can tell you right now that in a few seconds someone will knock on that door and ask for an explanation!’ Yuuri screamed, the vision just coming to mind. It seemed so obvious yet Viktor couldn’t comprehend that behind all that screaming, Yuuri had had enough time to think of how long it would take for someone to ask what was wrong.

And, unfortunately, Yuuri was right. Exactly four seconds later, a knock was heard. Viktor immediately straightened himself out whilst Yuuri did not move. He was frozen, paralysed and he no longer cared what people heard. He didn’t care if they found out he had a crush- no, more than that- on his teacher. He didn’t care if they heard him scream. He didn’t care if they knew of his problems. He didn’t care if they knew about his powers- or lack of them. He didn’t care about anything anymore.

‘Is everything alright in here?’ Yuuri heard a teacher ask and he let Viktor smile his way out of the conversation, passing it off as a drama rehearsal. The stupidity. But, the teacher could not argue against it and left without another word.

‘Yuuri, no more shouting.’ Viktor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, his silver bangs falling into his face, making his ghastly white skin only paler. ‘I don’t care what you feel for me. It’s not allowed but, Yuuri, I still care for you. I still want to help you.’ Viktor looked up, trying to meet Yuuri’s eyes. But, Yuuri denied access and held his gaze to the ground.

‘I don’t want your help.’ Yuuri spat, trying to leave again. But in the repetitive pattern, Viktor brought him back. Not by force, he only had to say words. Their walls had collapsed and all self-doubt had flooded in. ‘You need it, though.’ The truth had come out. Yuuri did need Viktor, almost as much as Viktor needed him. Yet, so much pulled them apart that they couldn’t find it within themselves to stay together. Not even in a romantic way, they had failed a friendship. Friendships only fail when the bind of friendship becomes too much. And, Yuuri had told Viktor too much and now those binds had snapped. They were no longer close, they were no longer friends. They were just a teacher and a student now. They were what they were supposed to be.

‘Yuuri, promise me you’ll at least try to be happy again. This has gone too far. I can’t see you like this.’ Viktor muttered, finally meeting Yuuri’s eyes. Yuuri nodded hesitantly. In one motion he had just told the biggest lie of his life so far. Maybe even more than telling people he really did have a power.

He was going to try to be happy. Ha, that was impossible now. Not only had he dug himself a grave; he had buried himself in it. And now, he was just waiting to die. Waiting to die in his own grave.


	11. ''There Were Two Lines''

Yuuri wasn’t ready to face the world again. He had for the last few days and each had led him further into his deep hole of regret. Each face he saw at school only reminded him of his pain, each man he saw with ice blue eyes or platinum hair struck a wave a sickness to his stomach.

Yuuri had once eaten too much but now, he ate too little. And, the little he ate came all back up again. He had been diagnosed with Bulimia only three days after he had spoken to Viktor. Now, four days after that and it was only worse. The doctors didn’t help, his family didn’t help, talking didn’t help. Nothing. Helped.

He had yet to be diagnosed with his other symptoms. Nothing was definitive but it was clear from the way he acted that he could have one of many. Depression, anxiety, anorexia nervosa, self-harm and bulimia- the only one to be diagnosed.

Yuuri hated himself, driven on by a mind he didn’t want to believe. The man who had caused him to smile again was useless to him, like a forgotten ghost in his mind. They hadn’t spoken once in the last week. Yuuri was beginning to forget Viktor altogether.

Yuuri believed he was worthless. Yuuri believed he was nothing. Yuuri believed he was disposable. No human is disposable yet no one seemed to be voicing that to him. He was stuck because he had no one. He had his family, yes, but he knew that family would say anything to make him feel better. He knew they would lie, manipulate and wrap him around their finger just to keep him alive.

He had missed a crucial part of that, or at least he had refused to accept it, they wanted him alive. If they really didn’t care, he could be dead and they would feel no remorse. They could pretend to mourn, they could pretend to cry. But, no, they begged him to live. They begged him to continue on. And, as they sat at their dining table, Yuuri still couldn’t see it.

‘Please eat, Yuuri.’ Yuuri shook his head in response to his mother’s plea. He had learnt to ignore the tone of their voices. It all sounded monotone to him, anyway.

‘Yuuri.’ His sister gave him that similar look that contrasted with her punkish look and dark, mysterious make-up. She cared just as much as the rest of them but Yuuri was no less oblivious.

‘No.’ The statement was simple. He truly believed he was hated because he was fat. He wasn’t hated nor was he fat. Yes, he gained weight quickly but he had already cut down his food intake before. Now, he was simply starving himself.

Yuri left the table, ignoring his family’s continued pleas for him to come back. He no longer cared. He believed that no one else cared. _Leave._ That voice in his head spoke, it was him. He was hearing himself. _Leave and never come back._ Yuri had no strength to ignore that voice. That voice was him after all. He couldn’t ignore himself.

He found himself back in his room, scissors twirling around his fingers. _You want the pain._ Yuri didn’t try to fight it. It was all too true. This was what he believed not what anyone else believed. This. Was. Him.

The scissors hit his skin by accident, first. He dropped them, shocked by a knock at his door. He ignored it, though, knowing it was unlikely for anyone to come in unless they were invited. He stared down at his bloodied wrist. He hadn’t known the scissors were so sharp. They were adult scissors, though, it was clear that they could cut through skin.

Yuri picked the scissors up from the floor, examining them as if they were a torture instrument. In fact, they were. They were there to cause him pain- the very definition of torture. _You deserve it._ Classic. No originality there. It was what he always had thought: that he deserved it. He deserved it for being the bad son he was. He deserved it for failing at being a normal person. He had failed because he had no power.

He had failed at the simple yet so crucial task of having a power. He didn’t believe he was robbed of his birthright. He blamed himself. It was his fault. With that, the blade of the scissors was on his wrist and a thin line of red became apparent. It was beautiful really, the deep scarlet running across his wrist as if it were a canvas and paint. Yuri watched it, an eerie smile on his face. He wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. And with the next cut, he realised what he was doing.

The pain hit him like a bullet. He bent forwards, gritting his teeth and dropping the scissors to the floor. He gripped his arm and watched the blood creep through the gaps between his fingers.

 _You deserve the pain._ I know.

 _Do it again._ It hurts too much.

 _I said, do it._ Okay.

Yuri continued, the pain causing him to gag on multiple occasions. Never did he throw up anything, though, there was too little food in his stomach for that. He continued until he passed out. Not of blood loss but of exhaustion but as he slept, the blood kept on flowing. He was found the next morning, passed out, not waking up.

He was rushed to the hospital, he was checked by the doctors. They said everything was fine. It wasn’t. Yuri woke up. ‘What happened?’ They all asked, looming over him like wild, hungry beasts.

‘I dropped my scissors and it created a deep cut in my wrist. I think I passed out.’ He explained, the lies flowing out under the pressure.

‘There were two lines.’

‘I must have fallen on the scissors when I passed out.’ The conversation was over. The family couldn’t believe him but they had no proof that it was anything else. Yuri said those lies so sincerely, he tricked them all.

When he arrived at school the next day, chaos ensued for him and Viktor. What was already a downhill slope of a relationship had become a cliff and they were hanging off the edge of it.


	12. ''I Think This Is Called...Skiving?''

Pain. He felt pain, his arms, his head even his stomach. He couldn’t blame the lack of food any longer, he could only blame the lack of blood in his body as it poured to the floor. He had been released from the hospital the day after admission and that very day, the knife was back on his skin. The voices had returned to his head. Those voices that were _him_.

Unfortunately, life continued on. He went to school and he came home, he sliced his skin, he refused to eat and then the cycled repeated. He was stuck in a cycle of sin. He was stuck in his own pain; He was trapped within iron bars that burnt him to the touch.

The knife made him feel ethereal. He could no longer feel it, he was numb- apart from the pain. The pain was agonising. The pain was there to punish him, punish him for wanting to forget. For wanting to forget how useless he was. For wanting to forget how pointless he was. For wanting to forget how unloved he was.

The knife pricked at his skin but before even a drop could stain his skin, it was brought away from his arm, by his own hand at that. ‘I have school.’ He sighed, emotionlessly. He felt that more often, recently. Rather than feeling the pain, the sadness, he felt nothing.

That never worked, though. No matter how long you lock your feelings away for, they will always catch up one day. Whether you’re alone or not, it will all come flooding out- the tears, the smiles, the laughs, the sobs.

‘Yuuri! Breakfast!’ His mother called, her voice breaking. Yuuri wasn’t the only one who was losing control over themselves. The whole family was cracking, a jagged line jarring them away from each other- Yuuri on one side and his family on the other. He was isolated, not them. They had each other. But, that didn’t mean they were any less broken.

‘I made your favourite.’ His mother smiles weakly, a pork cutlet bowl in her hands. Yuuri scoffed. Was this bribery? He shook his head.

‘I’m not hungry.’ He sighed and picked his school bag up and flung it over his frail shoulder. The lack of food was taking its toll on him. He wanted food, that wasn’t the problem. He felt sick at the thought of letting himself take in something that kept him alive. If he could refuse oxygen, he would. Letting go of food would be one of the many things that would slowly lead him to his death and no matter how painful, he continued to do so.

Once upon a time, Yuuri would have pleaded for food. He had often gained too much weight because of it and now, his parents couldn’t believe that Yuuri would ever turn it down. It worried them and that wasn’t the only thing. His mother had a power and so did his father, that meant, they couldn’t do a thing. They had no experience to help, they had nothing. So, as Yuuri walked out the door, they stayed quiet and let him go on his way to school.

His feet burnt as they hit the pavement, his shoes’ souls thin and worn but he had no intention of changing them, he welcomed the burn just as he welcomed any pain. He didn’t want pain, there was something else driving him. There was a desire to die and the pain was just one more step closer to that land of white.

When he arrived at school, he already knew that he would want to leave. Viktor was within his view and there was no escaping. Viktor had resorted to waiting for Yuuri, now. So, as he stood outside the only entrance to the school that Yuuri could take without Viktor following him, he smiled and waited patiently for the emotionless boy to approach him.

‘You’re coming with me! We’re having a day off! School even approved it.’ Viktor seemed so pleased with himself but Yuuri only wanted to run. Being stuck with Viktor for a day was his worst nightmare.

‘Now, according to school records, I am officially your counsellor.’ He smiled widely and grabbed Yuuri’s wrist, not noticing how he winced in pain as he dragged him across the school grounds.

‘Where are we going?’ Yuuri finally managed to speak, that being the only question he could put into words.

‘You’ll see.’ Viktor stated, bluntly, his good mood gone as if a switch had been pushed. His smile had vanished and his eyes seemed to darken as his face turned grim. They continued to pace until Viktor found what he was looking for. The side entrance to his classroom.

‘Why the hell did you take me half way around the school just to get to the classroom I was going to anyway?’ Yuuri’s voice shook, his mind even more blurred than before. He was confused, scared and slightly worried as to what Viktor was about to do.

‘Questions later. We need to talk.’ Viktor punched in a code so quickly that Yuuri didn’t even have a chance to learn what it was and pulled the boy into the classroom. Yuuri was practically thrown in a seat as Viktor leant back on his desk and stared at the boy menacingly.

‘I have you here, as your counsellor, because your parents have reported multiple incidents of starvation, cutting, crying and depression.’ Yuuri’s eyes widened. He had never thought of that. How had he been so stupid? Had he really believed that his parents wouldn’t tell the school? They had failed to do anything and apparently, they believed that the school could.

‘I want to help, Yuuri.’ He sighed, his eyes downcast, tears brimming in his eyes as he clenched his teeth. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked to the floor as if he had all the answers. ‘I want to know how you got like this. I want to know how this got so bad. I want to know everything. Not just as your stupid councillor but as...as a friend.’ Viktor lifted his head and met Yuuri’s gaze. Tears were still visible but never did one spill from his eye. Yuuri could see, in that single look, that Viktor cared. He. cared. And, Yuuri was ready to spill everything.

Why did Viktor have this effect? Why did his family not have this effect?

‘Yuuri, have I ever told you what my power is?’ Yuuri shook his head, his curiosity now front and foremost.

‘Yuuri,’ Viktor sighed, taking a seat and bringing it so he sat opposite Yuuri. ‘You believe you are alone in this. You’re not. I know there is no other account of people who do not have a power but I find it impossible to believe that not a single soul is like you. And, if by some miracle that I am wrong, then believe yourself unique not a failure. But, that’s beside the point. I’m already going off topic.’ Viktor sighed, burying his head in his hands.

‘Viktor…’ Yuuri breathed but found nothing else to follow it. He had no words to say. He had no feelings to feel. He couldn’t tell what his heart was screaming at him. This wasn’t numbness that he felt, nor was is sadness, nor was it even happiness. This was something else, something foreign.

‘I have the ability to control the will of others, Yuuri. And...and I hate it. I can make people do something just by focusing on them and I...it’s wrong. It shouldn’t be possible. Mind control, it’s not common, there are a few other cases but it’s frowned upon, Yuuri. They don’t ever tell you that. I’m just as looked down upon as you. They don’t trust people like us, Yuuri. The ones that are different. The ones who have the power to change the world.’ Viktor stopped, taking a breath, and grabbing Yuuri’s hand. He no longer cared what he did. He wanted to get all his problems out just as much as Yuuri.

‘Have you ever heard of Allodoxaphobia? It’s the fear of others opinions. I think I have it...I wouldn’t be surprised if you had it too. We’re in this together. God, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. I’m sorry, Yuuri. I’ve made this about me.’ Viktor looked up and found Yuuri crying, a fear tears rolling down his cheek.

Yuuri shook his head. ‘I think that’s the kindest thing someone has ever said to me.’ Yuuri whispered, squeezing Viktor’s hand.

‘Let me say one more thing…’ Viktor paused just as Yuuri nodded. Viktor smiled weakly and blinked away the tears that were forming. He couldn’t believe that he had finally told someone. It seemed impossible. He had told someone all of his fears and in doing so...he had managed to help. He had finally done something good to the world. It seemed impossible. ‘I want you to know that I promise never to use my power on you. I’m going to live in your shoes. I’m going to have no power. Somehow I would prefer that to the ability to controlling someone, taking away their choices.’ Viktor breathed slowly, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat.

He had said too much, hadn’t he?

‘Thank you.’ Yuuri found there was nothing else to say. They both laughed quietly and before they knew it, they were laughing like madmen? Why...because laughter was the cure to everything. This all seemed so impossible that the only way to express it was to laugh. They laughed to fill the silence, to fill that darkness in their hearts.

‘How did you manage to get out of all your classes, again?’ Yuuri laughed, raising an eyebrow.

‘Oh...about that. I lied. I think this is called...skiving?’ Viktor smiles widely, Yuuri’s being even wider than his.

‘And the councillor thing?’ Yuuri raised an eyebrow, a devilish smirk on his face.

‘Okay! That may have been a lie too.’ Then, they laughed. They laughed as if there was no tomorrow. Because they knew that tomorrow would only bring sadness once more.


	13. ''I Would Rather Have A Burden On My Shoulders''

Yuuri’s next weeks of school were the best he had had in a long time. Not only had he smiled on more than one occasion, he had also laughed in the presence of others a few times too- though, most of all, it was in Viktor’s presence that he let himself loose.

Unfortunately, that hadn’t changed a thing. A simple remedy such as laughing can only mask what pain you feel underneath. It works for as long as you can hold up the facade but your arms strain and that facade, at one point or another, will fall. Two weeks had just been Yuuri’s limit- some it was one, others it was years...some it was their entire life. No one is free from pain but many are better than hiding it than others and some suffer the consequences much worse.

So, after that dreaded two weeks had passed, Yuuri found himself in the toilet stall once again, his cheeks stained and his eyes bloodshot. His cycle never changed. He shed tears, he trembled, he sobbed but in the end, he would wipe his eyes and continue on.

And, that’s just what he did. He continued on through the day, answering Viktor’s panicked questions when he had walked into his classroom during their shared lunchtime break slightly more rugged than usual. Viktor had left him off the hook, letting himself believe that Yuuri really was just having ‘a bad day’ and had found himself disorganised and unpunctual.

Then, as he walked home, he felt the burden heavy on his shoulders and the voices all the louder- his voice. He had to keep reminding himself that those were voices, they were no demon nor were they fictional, they were simply him. Maybe that made it better or maybe that made it worse, Yuuri couldn't decide. All he knew was that the voice was there to torment him. It was there to lower him until his esteem had reached its bounds.

He was caged by those voices. They gave him choices- bad or worst. Frown or cry. Speak or cry. Cut or die.

His options were so minimal, so limited that he found himself bound to harming himself. That's what the others did to get rid of their pain, was it not? But, why wasn't it working for him? Why, each time he sliced his skin, did it feel more and more useless. Soon, all he felt was pain, no release. It was a burden but he was telling himself to do it and he hadn't the willpower to stop himself.

The next day, when school came back around, he found himself in the toilets stalls, just like the day before, yet this time was different. This time was worse, so much worse. He no longer cried, he sobbed. He longer scratched at his skin, he bled. He no longer...he no longer had the senses to realise there was someone outside the door.

On the other side of the door was Viktor who heard his gritted screams of agony, his voice trapped behind clamped teeth. He could practically hear the boy ripping at his skin with his fingernails. Yet, Yuuri couldn’t hear the man pounding on the door anymore. He was too lost in the pain. Somewhere, yes, he knew that someone was there but he didn’t care. Not until the door came down.

Viktor’s leg slammed into the door, not caring what damage was done or who was there to see the commotion. The door’s lock dented, loosening from it’s already barely functioning state and soon, the cubicle door was swinging open. What was found on the other side was no less than nightmarish. Yuuri’s arms bled, nail marks across the skin of his forearm, even a few higher. There were scratches at his neck, his cheeks as if he was trying to stop but couldn’t. It was clear that Yuuri didn’t _want_ to do this but he found himself doing it anyway. He found himself punishing his body for his own mind.

‘Yuuri, stop!’ Viktor begged as he crouched down in front of the young boy but Yuuri shook his head. He couldn’t stop, not now. It was too late to turn back. He would only stop when the pain went but how could the pain go away by inflicting more pain? That wasn’t how life worked, that was just how Yuuri’s mind had led him to perceive it as.

‘Yuuri, please stop.’ Viktor tried to grab at his arms but Yuuri was too strong in his desperation. His fingernails remained on the skin on his cheeks, dragging over the scabs that were already forming. ‘Yuuri, please.’ His voice was slower, quieter, calmer. Viktor just needed this to stop but he wasn’t. Viktor was powerless.

But, he wasn’t.

Viktor furrowed his eyebrows, knowing the decision was for the best and with some reluctance, he let himself concentrate, let himself concentrate on Yuuri’s arms coming down to his waist, his nails away from any skin. Viktor’s eyes shot open to see his vision come to life, well, not quite. Yuuri was...furious.

The boy was still trembling yet his posture was strong. He didn’t know what to say all that came out was a stammered ‘Vik’, he could never even finish his name. ‘Yuuri, you’re fine now. I’m sorry, I had to. I couldn’t let you continue doing that to yourself.’ Viktor reassured hurriedly, checking over the boy’s injuries, all of which were minor. Yet, no matter the severity of the marks, they still covered him- crossing over him like stitches.

‘Y-you used your power on me.’ Yuuri blubbered as Viktor inspected his cheeks, those cuts were probably the deepest.

‘I know I did.’ Viktor muttered, in no mood to argue.

‘You p-promised y-you wouldn’t use y-your power on me!’ He raised his voice but his body was too weak to shout. He was still trembling under Viktor’s gaze, fearing what was to come. Viktor didn’t respond for minutes; he continuously checked over his cuts but that was all. When he finally did reply, it was not the answer Yuuri hoped for. This was no apology.

‘I may hate my power but I hate what you just did to yourself more. I would rather have a burden on my shoulders if it could save you rather than having nothing at all.’ Viktor sounded so serious, it was so unlike him. His usual smile was distorted into a frown and his eyes were no longer a beautiful indigo but an ice-cold blue. Everything that Yuuri loved about Viktor seemed to have been stripped away, even his hair seemed to hang awkwardly across his face, and Yuuri found himself hating himself for causing the change.

‘G-get off me.’ He finally spoke, pushing Viktor’s hands away from his shoulders. ‘I don’t want to see your face anymore. You broke a promise. I don’t care if it was for me, you still broke it.’ He sounded so childish, so petty but he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to cut ties, he wanted to save Viktor from the person that was himself.

So, instead of a thank you, he said goodbye.


	14. ''I Don’t Know, Anything But What I Did''

Yuuri didn’t come into school for the next two weeks, resorting to spending his time watching his cuts heal and scab over. Bandages surrounded his arms, his mother was to thank for that. It had been Viktor who had called home and requested that Yuuri be picked up and his mother seemed eternally thankful for him doing so to the extent that they had often talked over the phone to talk about ways to ‘fix’ him.

Yuuri still hadn’t forgiven Viktor yet he couldn’t help but sympathise with the man. He had seen a friend scraping at his skin with his nails. No wonder he had forced him to stop, even if a promise had to be broken in the process. Yuuri wanted to hate him yet he couldn’t help but find him drawn closer to the platinum-haired man, or at least that was what Viktor said his hair was. Yuuri, personally, believed it was grey despite the man being in his early twenties.

Yuuri found, as he got ready for his first day back at school, that he had forgiven Viktor over the two weeks he had been off- which his mum had requested off as a precaution. So, as he sprinted down the stairs, he knew what he would do when he next saw him. Apologise, firstly, and then...he wasn't so sure. He could pull away again, that was always his easiest option. Or, he could try and keep a smile on his face...but look how that turned out last time. He had so many options and so many bad endings that he didn't want the pressure to choose anymore.

He still felt like running away was his best option. Viktor was ruining him just as much as he was ruining Viktor. Yuuri was unique in all the worst ways possible and Viktor was unique in all the best. They were so similar yet so different. But, he was too scared to run away. He didn't think he could take that weight on his shoulders. He would be crushed.

‘Mum, I’m leaving!’ He called out, before stuffing his hands in his pockets and began the walk to school.

‘Are you sure you don’t want br-’ His mum stopped herself before finishing her sentence, of course he didn’t want breakfast. Yuuri walked on, not answering his mother’s half question, and scrolled through his phone as he strolled.

‘Yuuri!’ He heard a cheerful, particularly _Russian,_ voice call out. Viktor? No, Yuri?! It couldn’t be, that voice was so cheerful, so full of life yet as he turned around he was met by a tiger-print covered Yuri Plisetsky.

‘Yuri...hi?’ Yuuri spoke confusedly and curious. What had gotten into the Russian punk for him to smile?

‘I didn’t know you walked, pig.’ The insult sounded all the too cheerful with a smile on the boy's face but they both continued to walk, side by side, towards the school.

‘Yeah...I’m just normally a bit late.’ Yuri nodded distracted, gazing somewhat creepily at Yuuri’s face. He soon shook his head, snapping out of his reverie, when Yuuri rose an eyebrow- asking silently what was up with him. Seeing as Yuri didn’t answer, Yuuri voiced his thoughts aloud, hoping for a somewhat acceptable answer from the moody teenager.

‘What’s up with you today?’ Yuuri asked shyly, he still wasn’t used to talking to the boy and although, through insults and a few shared answers on homework's, they had somehow managed to reach the ‘almost friends’ stage of their relationship.

‘Oh, nothing.’ Yuri answered half-heartedly. Something was clearly wrong but with the smile diminishing, Yuuri kept quiet. He liked seeing the boy smile, he felt bad for the boy who had a permanent frown etched on his face. Sometimes it almost seemed like a scar on his face, unmoving and unchanging. Seeing him smile, made Yuuri smile too because he was no longer afraid of the small blonde-haired Russian and really did feel like his friend.

‘Do you walk every morning?’ Yuuri asked calmly, trying to start any sort of conversation to fill the steadily incoming mellow silence. Yuri simply nodded, training his eyes to the floor as if he didn’t want to make eye contact ever again.

‘It must get so cold in winter but I guess if you're used to it…’ Yuuri continued to ramble on, the other boy listening in carefully to each and every word he said as if it were prayer. What had gotten into Yuri was even a mystery to Yuri himself. Something had changed in the weeks Yuuri had been gone and they both noticed it. A realisation, perhaps?

Yuuri finally stopped talking when they reached the school building and split off to their respective lockers. Yuri mumbled a quick ‘bye’, hiding his face behind his hair as he rushed off, leaving Yuuri confused and slightly wary of the boy. Something was _definitely_ wrong.

Yuuri quickly found his locker and put in the combination, opening it, stuffing his books in and taking out the few he needed- Russian and Russian Poetry, both with Viktor. He sighed, knowing the inevitable was about to come but forced himself to the classroom anyway. Of course, Viktor was already sitting in the empty classroom waiting for Yuuri. Despite Yuuri’s continuous lateness, it seemed the rest of his classmates were worst- a few simply not turning up at all. Not that Viktor cared, as long as there work stayed at a high quality, he made no complaints. Which wasn’t always the case.

‘Yuuri! I’m so happy your back! Your mother told me this morning and I couldn’t help the excitement!’ Viktor seemed a little too happy. Their last meeting had been less than friendly yet it was as if it had all been forgotten in Viktor’s mind- well, he was an airhead, maybe he really had forgotten. Yuuri wanted to punch his mother then and there, too. Staying in touch with his almost insane Russian teacher was not what he wanted his mum to be doing in her spare time yet it seemed she insisted in doing so. She liked Viktor, that much was clear. It was as if she thought of him as her own son.

‘Um...Viktor.’ Yuuri paused for a second, waiting for Viktor’s full, serious, attention to be on him. Yuuri, despite his hopes, knew Viktor remembered and he had to get this out of the way before he chickened out altogether. ‘I wanted to apologise, for before. You did the right thing and if we just go back to how it was before and we forget that all that happened then everything will be-’ Viktor cut off Yuuri’s incessant ramblings with a quick ‘no.’

‘Don’t apologise, Yuuri. I didn’t do the right thing. I should have just used my hands and pulled harder or something, I don’t know, anything but what I did.’ Viktor paused for breath, Yuuri staring at him in complete and utter surprise. ‘And you should know, that despite not keeping my promise, I will from now on. I meant it when I said that I hate it. It was just...all that was happening and I-’

‘Don’t worry, Viktor. It’s fine. We’ll just go back to how it was before.’ Yuuri smiled gently and it was clear that Viktor wanted to hug Yuuri then and there but that was inappropriate, right? Viktor sighed but smiled in return and motioned for him to sit down as he sat back at his desk and continued to mark the dull Russian papers written by incredibly awful younger students.

But, the smile stayed on his face because at least he knew that the weight that had been on his shoulders for the past two weeks had been lifted. Viktor was fine and so was Yuuri. That was all he ever wanted.


	15. ''A Power Couple In The School''

Russian went by slowly but after the given hour, Yuuri was finally let out. Despite having another lesson to get to, he was rather slow on his feet, trudging along as if the floor were mud towards Art. He had a new teacher today, a cover teacher replacing his previous one (who was now on maternity leave). Written down on the board, when he finally reached the classroom, was Miss Morley and, despite walking so slowly, he was one of the first people there. His teacher must have left and the few other students milling around, well, he wasn’t even sure if they did art.

What he did spot, though, was Yurio, filing away at his nails in the corner of the room. ‘Hey! Yuri!’ Yuuri called out, as quietly as possible as to not draw attention to himself- despite being more talkative, that was still difficult for him.

‘Ugh, pig.’ Was Yurio’s reply, who continued to file his nails aggressively whilst his eye stayed transfixed eerily on one of their classmates, well, two of them, really. Although, he was definitely more concentrated on killing one over the other. The one he seemed intent on was a girl, red curls blurring more of her from view but cut still cut short as if to look ‘cute’. The one next to her, clearly her boyfriend or something of the sort from their proximity, was a stern looking guy. His black hair was styled back carefully and his eyes were thinned as if he was continuously annoyed. His fists were clenched at the table, despite the other girl’s hand being on top of one of them.

‘Who are they?’ Yuuri asked carefully, glancing back at Yurio, who was now drawing blood with his nail file.

‘Otabek and Mila, a power couple in the school.’ Yurio gritted his teeth and continued to file until Yuuri yanked it away, tucking it into his pocket- unsure of what else to do. Yurio growled, clearly wanting his file back but Yuuri wouldn't give it to him until this was explained.

‘And why are you giving them that look?’ Yuuri asked gently, finally drawing out a seat and sitting down next to the other boy.

‘None of your business, pig.’ He growled, reaching into Yuuri’s pocket to take out his nail file again. Although, luckily, he simply placed it into his own pocket and left his now, still slightly bleeding, nails.

‘I think it is if you're like this.’ Yuuri stated calmly, his nerves dissipating with the familiarity of talking to the boy.

‘Stop mothering me. Seriously, it’s nothing.’ Yuri finally drew his eyes to his lap and let himself relax. He sounded so hopeless in that moment that Yuuri almost recoiled but, as his friend (hopefully), he placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

‘Just try not to dwell on it.’ Yuuri said and stood up. Hypocrite his mind called to him, he ignored it. He found a seat on the other side of the room, a spot where he could see out of the slightly open door and down into the emptying corridors.

What he saw when the bell rang was not what he expected. Viktor was in the corridor (whilst he normally stayed in his classroom over break) staring at a friendly looking woman. His eyes were not filled with friendship, nor was that hatred. It was such a foreign look to Yuuri that he almost didn't see it- that was the kindling of a relationship. He could see it. He hated it.

‘Bye, Lily.’ Viktor whispered, smiling gently, before kissing her hand (a Russian thing, Yuuri hoped) before practically prancing back to his classroom. The teacher, whose name was apparently Lily, seemed in utter shock but she shook her head and entered the classroom- his classroom. Viktor had been flirting with his bloody Art teacher. Typical.

‘Hi, everyone!’ The teacher seemed cheerful, square glasses framing her face well and blonde curls hanging loosely from her face but Yuuri didn't care, there was already a boiling rage under his skin- one that he couldn't understand.

Jealousy. Although, he didn't realise that. That emotion was called jealousy. Or maybe, denial, denial that it was jealousy at all. All Yuuri knew was that it took deep breaths to not punch the teacher there and then- along with the fear of attention that came along with it.

Yuuri, lately, had been feeling more irritated than scared and the thought alone confused him. He had always relied on his melancholy mood to function, the anger broke his routine. It was foreign, uncontrollable.

Yuuri groaned as a sudden burning flash ran through his body- it felt like a lightning strike hitting his mind and reverberating around his body. He collapsed from his seat and trembled on the floor as he shut his eyes tightly. A needle. He saw a needle. A needle with a subtly orange (almost clear) liquid inside. Then, his eyes were open again, and he was surrounded.

His new teacher was amongst the crowd, clearly calling the school nurse whilst it was Yurio who was directly by his side, taking his temperature, an almost fearful tremble in his hands. That was the real Yurio. Otabek and Mila were almost amongst the crowd but it seemed that Otabek was the only one concerned with Yuuri’s well-being as he scanned him with his eyes whilst Mila jabbered on next to him.

What was that? What had he just seen? What was that pain? Which of the three had caused the other? Too many questions, too little time and too little sense. Soon enough, Yuuri was being carted off to the school nurse’s office and having a real checkup. His parents were informed but it was told they would not need to come in. Viktor, after lessons, almost made a visit (their lunchtime talk interrupted by the impromptu visit to the infirmary) but they didn't speak much. It seemed Viktor was in one of his ‘moods’ again. His eyebrows furrowed together as if deep in thought and his hair hung across his face as if it wasn't blocking his sight.

So, when Viktor left, Yuuri felt more relief than pain. Sure, Viktor helped but not in that mood. It would only bring him down too, he wasn't delirious enough to forget that. So, until his parents came to pick him up after school, he watched the lights dance on the ceiling, trying to answer the impossible. What had just happened?


	16. ''A Distraction...That Works As A Distraction''

The school day ended, Yuuri was finally brought home and Viktor was left hastily marking papers- his mind muddled and distracted as he ticked answer after answer, no care for whether they were wrong or right. Viktor had no clue what had just occurred but his mind didn’t seem to want to pull away from the thoughts dragging him into his own mind. His hand cramped, his fingers curling around the biro clutched in his left hand- a simple oddity, he wrote with his left hand.

His mind swirled, the paints of his thoughts blending into a muddy brown. It wasn’t like light, happiness. Each colour, thought, added didn’t bring a new sense of happiness- of light. Instead, the additional colour brought him down, each minute meeker than the last.

Viktor hadn’t felt this way since he had an argument with Yuuri. How since Yuuri had entered his life had he managed to come down with this depression? It wasn’t Yuuri, surely it wasn’t. This was something else. It was as if Yuuri brought something to surface. He didn’t create these thoughts. He stripped Viktor of the door that he locked them behind and now they were flooding to the surface.

Viktor had no longer to dwell as the door to his classroom was pushed open hastily and a steaming teenager raged into his empty classroom. Yuri, good timing- a great distraction. Viktor leant back, tucking his papers neatly to the side, watching the boy as he paced back and forth.

‘Yuri? Is everything alright?’ Viktor asked, his words in Russian if only to comfort the poor boy. Russian was easier for the both of them and it seemed both of them longed to speak their native tongue. 

‘No.’ He snarled, his fists clenching as he shoved himself into a seat, it almost flying from underneath him as he balanced his whole weight on a single of its legs.

‘Want to talk about it?’ Viktor asked carefully to the boy, his friend. He had almost forgotten in the panic one of the things that had drawn him to this school in the first place. Yurio. His friend and practically his brother. He saw himself in him and he knew, despite the scowl, that he would mature well. Viktor was sure of it. That didn’t mean he didn’t have his doubts about the kid but, whatever those doubts were, were quickly sent away by the private smiles that he gave Viktor. The one only a friend could give. Not that they happened often but that only made them more special.

Yuri nodded reluctantly, brushing the blonde strands that hung over his eye behind his ear. ‘I don’t know what to do, Viktor. I feel like an idiot for coming to you for help but...you know what you’re doing sometimes...ugh, I hate this.’ Yuri muttered under his breath, catching Viktor's pitying glance. ‘Don’t give me that.’ He complained.

‘Don’t give you what?’ Viktor teased, trying to lighten the mood. Yuri wasn’t himself like this. He was supposed to be angry, angsty, stomping around the school as if he owned it. Not...this. He looked like a wounded animal- one that was just about to be put down. Viktor’s smile was weak when Yuri glared at him. Not his usual glare, no, this was different. This was almost as if he had lost hope.

‘Seriously, Yuri, what happened?’ The words coming across just as he wanted them in their native language. He had found it difficult of late to get his wording right- not being able to express exactly what he felt. Russian was so much easier. He wished for a second that Yuuri understood Russian. Maybe then, he could help him. Because, as of late, it seemed Viktor only made it worse.

‘I don’t know.’ Yuri sighed, drawing patterns on the table with one of his fingers.

‘Come on, Yuri. Open up.’ Viktor pleaded, pushing himself out of his seat behind his desk, grabbing one from another one of his students' table and pulling it up so he was sitting directly opposite Yuri- eye to eye.

‘I like someone, okay?’ The outburst was sudden, unexpected. Viktor recoiled at the sound, unsure of just how to take this new information. Yuri liking someone? It had seemed so out of the ordinary that he hadn’t even considered it before. Suddenly, the recent glares made sense- much more than they did before. Always directed in the same direction, moving as if they were trailing someone. No doubt that person he was falling for. Or what Viktor assumed was falling, it was all he could infer from the body language he was given. It was the same that he sometimes had. No, he wasn’t falling for anyone. There was Lily, she was nice but it wasn’t like that- not yet. There was no one else applicable, was there? Viktor didn’t even want to think of the possibility.

‘Yuri, it’s okay to like someone.’ Viktor reassured, unsure still of what the problem was.

‘I know it is! But, not when it’s a guy who has a girlfriend!’ A double blow. Viktor had never been told that Yuri was either gay or liked a boy- a straight one at that. Viktor blinked, once, twice, again. The face registering in.

‘Who is it?’ Viktor asked, his curiosity peaking but it still subtle enough for Yuri to not throw a punch at him. Despite the school rules banning powers on the premises, Viktor had no doubt that Yuri would throw a punch with his extra strength right at his nose if he wasn’t careful.

‘It doesn’t matter. I can’t have him. I want to do something, anything, to just distract me from it. I can’t take this, Viktor! I’ve never felt this before! What the hell am I supposed to do!’ Yuri’s eyes widened, panic rising as he looked Viktor in the eye- his breathing now picking up rapidly.

‘Either ask him out or find someone else. That’s your two options and as it seems that first one is out of the question, the second one is the only fix. Although I’ve tried it myself once or twice, it doesn’t always work.’ I’m doing it right now, Viktor added silently, his face staying calm whilst his gut wrenched and sick threatened to come up as the colours invaded once again.

‘A distraction...that works as a distraction.’ Yuri contemplated to himself, a heavy silence landing around them. Suddenly, after a long, long minute, Yuri’s eyes lit up and his mouth opened just the slightest. ‘I know!For once you were useful, old man. Congrats.’ There was the Yuri Viktor knew and loved. Viktor waved him goodbye, returning to the chair behind his desk, sighing as soon as the door closed.

He buried his head in his hands and rubbed his face gently, trying to clear his mind once again. These thoughts were weighing him down and despite feeling proud for his advice, he felt only worse after giving it. He had just given good advice...that he wasn’t following himself.

No! She wasn’t a distraction. He had nothing to distract himself from! He loved life. Didn’t he? Lies. All lies. He slammed his fist into the wood of his desk, imagining a print being left as he pulled away. If only he could do that. If only his power was as simple as super strength. Why did he get something that not only hurt others but himself as well? Everything he had hidden for so long was once again at the front of his mind. He didn’t know what to do this time. Last time, he locked it away but now, he knew, if he locked it away again- it would only flood back harder.

The pain he was feeling now was bad enough.

He knew what he had to do. He stood up again, packing his papers into his messenger bag and slinging it over his shoulder. He strode down the corridors, drawing wary looks from the few students left at school- lessons must have finished a while back now. His face was set, determined. He knew what he wanted to do and he was going to do it. No, this wasn’t what he wanted.

It was a distraction.

Lily was just a distraction.


	17. ''Yuuri, I Think You Have A Power''

Viktor pushed the door open carefully, waving one last time, a fake smile plastered on his face. Lily waved back, her smile much stronger- clearly real. It made Viktor sick. He didn’t mention it, though, as he left, closing the door behind him. Guilt was eating him alive. For what? He wasn’t sure. He had nothing to feel guilty about that. What he had just done...that was fine, right?

Viktor shrugged it off, pushing his hair back into place, smoothing it down carefully. Without a mirror, he was sure it still looked a mess. Why had he let this happen? He sighed, he had no reason to feel this guilt nor did he have a reason not to. He was conflicted, his mind split between two people- two morals.

He still couldn’t accept what he felt. He was in denial that he felt it at all. He lied to himself on a daily basis. He lied to himself about what he felt, what he could do and what he was. He denied everything. That smile masked the pain that forced him down when he was alone. He was in no way depressed, it wasn’t that. This was something else.

This was the burden of secrets. This was the burden of ignoring a power. Although, he wasn’t getting rid of that. Even with the option available, he knew what came along with getting rid of a power. The paranoia, the anxiety. All side effects of a bloody serum that would save him from everything. Except it wouldn’t. His power wasn’t all that he was holding back. Despite the painfully blissful release he had found when forcing his powers upon Yuuri, that wasn’t the entire problem. No, this was more complex than that.

The serum would only make it worse anyway. He had seen it in action. That was the only reason he knew of it. The information certainly wasn’t well-known. He knew the consequences of sticking the needle in his arm: it was so much worse than what he felt now.

Viktor finally pulled himself from his thoughts and fixed his bag into a comfortable position and walked outside and towards his apartment complex- it wasn’t too far from the school and he was not in the mood for a taxi. A taxi meant a taxi driver which meant talking. Viktor did not want to talk.

-

Morning came but Yuuri was already awake. He had been all night. After being taken home yesterday, he had stayed awake. He had slept most of his time in the infirmary and sleep was a far away thought. But, despite a now awkward sleep schedule and what had happened yesterday, Yuuri had to come into school.

He had missed too much school and was now too far behind to have to catch up with anymore. It wasn’t that anyone said he had to stay home, in fact, they wanted him to. But, he refused. The stress of work on his shoulders was only bringing out his anxiety again. He didn’t ask for help, he wasn’t like that, and without help, the work was impossibly hard- even with the internet.

That didn’t stop him from trying. He was independent, that wasn’t going to stop now. Even if it sent his mind to darker places than he ever wanted it to do. And now that his alarm had rang, he stopped doing the work at his desk, rubbed his eyes and got ready for school. He skipped breakfast once again but that didn’t stop him from filling his bag with energy drinks if only to get through the day. Maybe the caffeine would help. Unlikely, it’s said that caffeine increases anxiety and even if it did keep him awake, it wouldn’t be long before Yuuri would break down and be sent home again if he took too much. He packed it anyway, he had stopped caring about risks long ago.

When he reached school, he felt like a moving statue. He ignored the eyes following him as he walked. The whole school must have heard about yesterday’s incident by now but Yuuri didn’t care. A lack of sleep was already getting to him. On his clock, it almost felt like early evening despite it being before eight in the morning.

Yuuri trudged to his locker and stuffed his bag inside, grabbing his Russian and Art stuff. He almost fell with the weight in his hands. His art folder was large and heavy with his supplies and drawings in it (because, although he wasn’t very good at art, his teacher had forced him to hand in multiple assignments).

Still, with the books stacked in equilibrium on his arms, he managed to get his Russian classroom without dropping a single thing or at least he assumed so. He heard nothing but the folder was blocking the majority of the floor from view.

The door was open, luckily, and he was met by only a single person inside. And, for once, it wasn’t Viktor (who must have been coming in late today, the only place he _ever_ was, was his classroom). ‘Hey, Yurio.’ Yuuri smiled, as much as he could nowadays anyway, putting his stuff down on his desk, sighing happily as the weight was transferred.

‘Hey.’ Yuuri glanced over at Yurio curiously. No katsudon, no rude name, nothing. Just...hey. Odd. Was Yurio doing that ‘thing’ again? Yuuri had no other way to describe it. It wasn’t happiness, not joy, nor was it sadness or anger. It was something else entirely. Something Yuuri couldn’t quite pinpoint.

‘Um, Yuuri, I have something to ask you. You can say no, I don’t mind. But…’ he paused, looking down at the floor shyly. Yuuri was worried now. No matter his mood, Yurio was blunt. He didn’t pause, stutter or worry. He did as he liked without a thought of the consequences. This was different. Yurio had thought this through. Yurio was worried about what was about to come.

‘What is it?’ Yuuri asked carefully, adjusting his glasses to see Yurio more clearly- as if what he was seeing was wrong.

‘Um...Yuuri, I like you. I want to go out with you.’ Yuri looked up at him with pleading, wide eyes. Yuuri almost fell over. Yuri? Liking him? Yuri liked him? Impossible. But was it? Those looks, those smiles. Were they not platonic? Yuuri could see it now. He wasn’t sure how he had been so stupid. But, he liked someone else. He couldn’t say yes, could he? _Say no, say no,_ his voice called to him. He looked up and found Yuri’s eyes with his own. Tears were brimming now, desperate tears. Yuuri couldn’t say no.

‘Yes.’ Yuuri sounded determined. Yurio smiled, wide and bright, a foreign sight to Yuuri. He had been surrounded by such darkness lately and now, he was finally seeing a spot of light. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Yurio ran towards him, flinging his arms around him, burying his head into Yuuri’s shoulders, the end of his blonde hair tickling Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri laughed, a full one. He hadn’t been like this in so long- amused. Although he knew this all felt wrong, off even, he couldn’t help but laugh at Yurio’s antics.

Yurio pulled back, staring at him in shock. ‘Do it again.’ He ordered, only making Yuuri more confused than when Yurio had confessed.

‘Do what again?’ Yuuri laughed, now more reserved that before.

‘That!’ Yurio pointed at him, smiling. ‘Laugh!’ Yurio smiled, laughing and Yuuri joined in, both glad that no one else was in the room. Even with Yuuri wasn’t sure of this, he knew that Yurio was a good friend. And this is what this felt like. Despite now being Yurio’s boyfriend- God, that sounded odd to him- he felt more like a friend that he ever had before. He felt happy. He felt loved. He guessed, in some ways, he _was_ loved.

-

Yuuri found himself back in the Russian classroom at lunch talking to Viktor, as per usual. He found, suddenly, it was much easier talking with a smile on his face. Viktor, despite his still hanging guilt, couldn’t help but now enjoy the company. Yuuri was smiling and although he was too anxious to ask why, he revelled in it. He loved each time Yuuri laughed, smiled and talked enthusiastically at some funny thing his friend Phichit had done when they had video-called each other over break.

Yuuri finally stopped talking and took a deep breath, a shy smile still playing at his lips. ‘Sorry, I’m talking too much about myself. How have you been?’ Yuuri asked kindly. Viktor paused, fiddling with his fingers nervously. How had he been? He didn’t want to say. He didn’t want to tell Yuuri his troubles, not with that smile still on his face. He didn’t want to bring Yuuri down. Not now, not ever.

‘Viktor, what’s wrong?’ A distant voice said, Yuuri’s voice. Why did it suddenly feel so distant? ‘Viktor?’ That voice again. ‘Viktor!’ Viktor gasped, looking up with panicked eyes. Yuuri was now directly in front of him, staring at him with panicked eyes. Viktor breathed heavily, biting his lips, trying to think of what to say.

‘Viktor, what’s wrong?’ Yuuri repeated, brushing one of the platinum locks behind his ear carefully, a blush spreading on both of their cheeks as they did but neither pulled away. The door was locked, it always was after the last time, it didn’t matter what they did now- as long as it was in the realms of what they both found acceptable.

‘Nothing.’ Viktor sighed, pushing his hair back himself, meeting Yuuri’s eyes, wallowing in the beautiful glow reflecting off the warm brown.

‘I don’t believe that.’ Yuuri stated, his brows furrowing.

‘I’ll tell you as soon as I wrap my head around it myself, Yuuri.’ Viktor admitted. Viktor wasn’t ready to tell someone else until he could understand it himself. Something inside him then hoped that that would be a long time. He didn’t want to tell people but he knew it was inevitable.

Yuuri nodded solemnly. ‘You can’t tell me anything?’ He asked gently, placing a hand on Viktor’s arm. What had inspired such boldness, he wasn’t sure. They had both been so relaxed before and the mood seemed to be bleeding into the much more solemn atmosphere.

‘Well,’ Viktor breathed heavily, a pause filling the tension with something much worse. ‘Yuuri, what happened yesterday?’ He asked, suddenly, trying to draw the conversation away.

‘That has something to do with what you’re feeling now?’ Yuuri asked but Viktor shrugged, he wasn’t ready to answer those sorts of questions yet- not now.

‘I just want to know. Forget about me. I want to know what happened yesterday.’ Yuuri nodded, sighing. Viktor’s walls were up and neither had the energy to break them down. That could be a task for tomorrow.

‘I’m not too sure.’ Yuuri’s brows furrowed again, concentration clear on his face. ‘I was just…’ Yuuri paused, he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say that Viktor caused it, he didn’t. Well, he did but Yuuri didn’t want to admit that. ‘I was angry and then, all of sudden, I saw something. A needle. I had no idea what it meant, I still don’t. And then...I blacked out. I don’t believe in all that fortune telling stuff so I’m not sure what to think. Something definitely happened. That’s all I have.’ Yuuri admitted, shuffling to be sitting next to Viktor- both of their legs dangling off his desk- and rested his head on Viktor’s shoulder. Another bold move. Another move that neither of them moved away from.

Viktor didn’t reply. He didn’t let himself do much at all. He closed his eyes, letting himself just feel the brush of Yuuri’s hair against his neck. Suddenly, that feeling of guilt set in. But Viktor didn’t want to feel guilty. Yet, he couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t as if he and Lily were anything, were they? And surely Yuuri didn’t have a boyfriend? He was too closed off.

The silence following Yuuri’s words stretched out over eons. Neither of them minded. The silence was peaceful. All that broke it was the soft gasp from Viktor’s mouth. His mouth hung open as he gently pulled away, moving Yuuri’s shoulders so that he was facing him. Yuuri gave him a questioning glance and Viktor just smiled.

‘Yuuri, I think you have a power.’ 


	18. ''He's My Boyfriend Now''

‘What?!’ Yuuri squealed, his eyes darting around the room to see if he was the only one hearing this. He was. They were alone.

‘You have a power, Yuuri!’ Viktor reiterated, a gleeful smile playing on his face.

‘I heard you the first time, Viktor! What?!’ Yuuri was in utter disbelief. He did not have a power. He never had a power. And, most importantly, he will never have a power. ‘I don’t have a power, Viktor. That’s ridiculous. I can’t do a thing!’ Yuuri argued. If he had a power, he would be the first to know...right?

‘Yes, you can! Clairvoyance, Yuuri! You can see the future!’ Viktor’s smile never faded despite Yuuri’s complaints. He knew he was right. He knew it.

‘Viktor, clairvoyance isn’t a registered power. That’s impossible.’ Yuuri argued, his eyes widening as if he saw the dots connecting- though he would never admit it.

‘Neither is having no power at all. Yuuri, you’re special, you always have been. This is it.’ Viktor smile faded and a grave look passed over his face. ‘Clairvoyance might just be as dangerous as mine, we have to be careful. But, Yuuri, you have a power. I know it. I can feel it.’

‘Don’t tell me that’s another power you have.’ Yuuri teased but was immediately cut off by Viktor’s grave face. Viktor wasn’t one to remain serious unless it was needed. His thinned lips were all that was needed to persuade Yuuri to shut up. Two powers weren't impossible either, Viktor very well could have another but the fact that less than one percent of the population had more than one and the gravity of the situation meant it was no time to bring this up.

‘Yuuri, this is serious.’

‘I know.’ Yuuri admitted, his eyes falling to the floor, feeling small under Viktor’s gaze. The man was taller than him, only slightly, but his thin stature made him like a tower looming over him. Viktor was one for smiles. Viktor without a smile...it almost seemed unreal.

Just like the fact that he may, by some miracle, have a power.

‘How, though? I saw a needle and...I saw that teacher come in... ‘ Yuuri’s eyes widened in realisation. Though a simple guess could have predicted that outcome, the vision was all too clear. His exact actions were replicated just minutes later. It was all becoming too true.

‘I know, Yuuri. This is hard to accept but you have to. No one has ever found out their power later than ten, most have it by birth, but you really are special Yuuri. More so than anyone.’ Viktor’s smile had returned, though a clear sense of pride behind it rather than blinding happiness. Yuuri had a power.

He had a power.

All of the bullying was for nothing. Yuuri wanted to cry. He had spent his whole life in agony because he had never had a power and now that he finds that he does and he’s a miracle...and a threat. People don’t like threats. People don’t like what is different. People fear easily. People would fear him easily.

His breathing had become erratic. Viktor was failing to calm him down. Everything was happening too quickly. The air had been knocked from his lungs and his body fell limp. He hadn’t had a panic attack in so long, why now? This was supposed to be good news.

Why could Yuuri only see the worst in everything?

‘Yuuri! Yuuri! What’s happening!’ Viktor didn’t know what to do. He could hardly help a crying person, for God’s sake, what was he supposed to be doing in front of a panic attack?

‘Get...Yuri…’ he choked out, his mind blurry but he needed someone who could help. Why he assume Yuri could do so, he didn’t know. He just had to have someone else. He needed grounding. And, he guessed, Yuri was now his boyfriend- he needed to open up a bit more. No, Yuri couldn’t see him like this. He couldn’t. Yuuri wouldn’t show his bad side. Only Viktor had seen him like this. Only Viktor could tease him. Viktor would never tease him, though, Yuuri had learnt to trust that.

Minutes passed, Viktor hadn’t heard his request. His voice was too strained so Viktor paused. Panicking was doing Yuuri no good. He had to be calm. Viktor lost the panic and let calm flood into him, breathing slowly. ‘Yuuri, breathe with me, okay?’ Yuuri nodded, his breathing calming over minutes, out and in, a copy of Viktor, out and in. Yuuri’s breathing finally calmed and that loose feeling of post-panic-attack hit him. He felt dazed, exhausted and all around blurred. He didn’t even know what he was saying.

‘Where’s Yuri? I asked you to get him?’ Yuuri sounded so confused, his face a representation of naivety as he found himself with his head falling in Viktor’s lap, awkwardly twisted on his side. He thought he had called for Yuri, why wasn’t he here? Through the haze, he didn’t notice that Viktor had never left.

‘Yuri?’ Viktor was shocked. After all that Yuuri was asking for Yuri. ‘Why Yuri?’ Viktor continued, stroking a few stray hairs from Yuuri’s sweat-laced forehead.

‘He’s my boyfriend now.’ Yuuri clearly didn’t know what he was talking about. It was almost as if he was drunk. No doubt, Yuuri would often fall asleep after one of these episodes. He had lost minutes worth of air and the shaking would have exhausted him. But, it was only lunch and Viktor didn’t want to send him home again, nor did he feel it was safe that Yuuri stayed in school.

Viktor was not expecting this reaction. He had been underprepared. He should have known Yuuri would panic. Why had he been so naive to believe that he wouldn’t? What was worse than that, though, was the realisation that him hard and heavy.

Yuri had been looking for a distraction. He and Yuuri were now going out. _Yuuri_ was the distraction. Yuri’s friend was the distraction. How could Yurio be so inhumane? Viktor had meant have a fling, not lead his anxiety-ridden friend on. It almost felt cruel.

But, Viktor could nothing about it, he realised. All he could do was help the two boys through it because at the end of the line, one would get hurt. Either a friendship would be broken or a heart. Viktor didn’t want to know which one. But, Viktor didn’t want to think right now. In the last week, he had made enough mistakes to last a lifetime. He wanted to turn back time.

If only he had another power.


	19. ''Soldier Boy''

Yuuri was as calm as he could be in the situation. Viktor let him relax into his arms, the position suggestive but neither cared at the moment- the only thing that mattered that was Yuuri was calm again. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you like that.' Viktor muttered, pushing another few strands of raven hair from Yuuri's face, relishing in the softness despite the sweat lacing his face. It looked like he was about to fall asleep. Viktor wouldn't have minded if it were not for the next lesson coming up soon and neither of them had had a bite to eat. Yuuri definitely needed some food and hopefully, Viktor could get it before someone tried to open the door again.

As if on cue, a knock rang throughout the room. Viktor sighed and turned, pushing Yuuri's head off his lap, easing him into a sitting position before opening the door. There stood Lily, her lips pursed. 'Viktor! What are you doing?! I thought we were meeting for lunch!' It had slipped Viktor's mind. Lily had been all but forgotten in the moment he spent with Yuuri. She was unimportant. The distraction was no longer needed...he had the real thing right in front of him.

No! He shouted silently. He _had_ to stop thinking like this. Yuuri wasn't his, couldn't be his and would never be his. Suddenly, the reason for having the distraction in the first place became all the more clear. Lily had her uses. That was about it. Her personality was bland to him. She was nice, kind, beautiful but nothing drew Viktor. Viktor craved to surprise and be surprised. Lily was not satisfying either.

'Oh, sorry, it just slipped my mind. You know how I can be sometimes.' Viktor mumbled, all past bravado lost under her intense gaze. She was usually so calm but Viktor had a tendency to wind her up- why she still bothered pining, he wasn't sure.

'Slipped your mind? Is that all you can say?!' Her tone rose until she saw the clearly unsteady student in the corner of the room. 'Oh...hi, Yuuri.' She faked innocence but it was clear that the entire room was on edge. She was suspicious, Yuuri was still nervous and Viktor was stuck in a pit of self-loathing.

'Lily, can we talk about this later?' Viktor asked kindly, smiling awkwardly and trying to shut the door. That was not going to work.

'Viktor, don't you dare shut the door on me. We need to talk about this. Yuuri, do you mind leaving?' Her voice was no better than a snake's but either way, Yuuri now feared his once kind art teacher and quickly rushed out of the room.

'Yuuri, stop.' That was Viktor's voice; Yuuri didn't turn around. He did stop, though. 'Don't leave. Lily, we can do this later. You're interrupting.' Viktor's voice was stern, all attempts at smiling lost.

'No, Viktor, this is important. You can't just kiss me and then ignore me!' Viktor was at a loss for words. Yuuri had gone stiff, although it was clear there was a slight shaking of his body. Yuuri knew Viktor kissed Lily. Viktor wanted to run and apologise but for what? For kissing someone off his own accord whilst single? Yuuri wasn't his and now, it seemed, Yuuri was taken too. They both regretted their actions. The jealousy was driving them both mad. Yuuri finally turned and met Viktor's gaze. All they could see was pain.

'What the hell is going on?' Such a distinct voice, Yurio, Yuuri's new boyfriend. Yuri looked between them all. A broken heart was the first word that came to mind. Miss Morley looked close to tears, Yuuri wasn't much different and Viktor looked as if he had just betrayed the love of his life.

Maybe he had.

Yuri, similarly, felt his heart shatter looking between his boyfriend and his best friend. All he could see was love. It repulsed him. Yuuri was his distraction- he wasn't supposed to pine for his best friend. Yuri had never felt this before: jealousy. He shouldn't be jealous. Yuuri may be his but not for the reasons that most people were together- or maybe it was. Maybe everyone just wanted a distraction.

'I said what the hell is-' Yuri was cut off by a snap of someone's fingers. A click. Lily had clicked. Suddenly, Yuri's voice had gone. Now that was a power he hadn't seen before. Had Lily the ability to take someone's ability to speak? It seemed so. No matter how hard Yuri tried, his voice wasn't making a sound. He felt like he was deaf.

Viktor's eyes finally drew away from Yuuri, his brows furrowed in concentration. 'Lily, get out. If I see you using your powers again, I won't hesitate in ridding you from this damn school.' He growled. Lily complied easily, too fearful of this new side of Viktor to stay. Once she left, tension fell but something was still there. Something there wasn't supposed to be; a new canyon between them all, forcing them apart.

'I'm going to go.' Yuuri muttered, his eyes downcast, his body trembling but even in the state he was in, Viktor didn't stop him (despite Yuuri having a high chance of passing out). Yurio didn't even say a word as he left. Viktor was alone again.

It became clear to him. Distractions never work.

-

Yuri growled as he stalked down the corridors and into his science class, a class that he shared with Otabek. The only one where Otabek was present and Mila was not, actually. They were lab partners, despite Yuri's protests, since yesterday. Otabek's partner, Minami, had claimed to be so scared of him that he couldn't work properly, therefore, switching with Yuri. Yuri now had Otabek and Minami, Guang-Hong. In all honesty, the matchings were much better now but that didn't stop Yuri's unwelcome mood.

'Hi, soldier boy.' Otabek spoke, no hint of sarcasm in his voice. It was a question how Otabek had even got to the place he was in the school hierarchy. His looks, most likely, his personality (from what Yuri had seen) was rather stoic. Not a stereotypical jock character.

That must have been what Yuri liked about him.

'I told you to stop calling me that!' Yuri growled. Otabek shrugged nonchalantly. He had called Yuri that since they met, he wasn't about to stop now.

'I can call you whatever I like, _soldier boy._ ' Otabek taunted after a minute of hanging silence, emphasising the name for added irritation. He enjoyed pushing Yuri's buttons. He was cute when he was angry- like a kitten.

'No, you can't! Stop calling me that!' Yuri growled, the menacing threat portrayed more as a childish tantrum.

'Soldier boy.' Otabek said it with such boredom that it almost didn't pass as an insult but Yuri wasn't going to stop- not until he was called his real name.

'Stop it!' He whined, glaring daggers at the boy beside him, hoping he would give in before the teacher came in for their next class.

'Shut it, before I give you a worse name.' Otabek spat. The conversation was over. Otabek was so used to getting what he wanted and he no longer wanted to listen to his lab partner so the conversation stopped. But, not for Yurio.

'You piece of sh*t! I don't understand why I ever had a crush on you in the first place.' He spat before his eyes widened and he slapped his hand over his mouth. He had wished he had just let the conversation stop. Otabek was about to speak, no doubt to taunt him but the teacher strode in, their face dreary and the student's marked test in their hand.

Not only did Otabek not talk to him but Yuri got 6/40 on his test.


	20. ''He Actually Made Me Happy''

Yuri's week had been terrible. Otabek was now ignoring him for lack of a better term (he said few words but then again, he rarely had before) after the devastation that had happened three weeks ago. Yuri hadn't just failed one test but three and his usually decent artwork had become a splatter of paint on a dirty background- but then again, it was almost as good as any of that abstract b*llshit they put in some art museums. At least, that was what Yuri believed.

On top of this, Yuuri hadn't been close at all. Yuri had been invited to Yuuri's but had to cancel last minute, his damn parents saying he couldn't. And then, the next time, he was at work. It wasn't as if he could ask Yuuri to come to his, not in the state it was in, nor could he ask to go to Yuuri's uninvited. He was often rude but maybe he was just too shy to simply ask to come.

It was a Friday and he couldn't help but wish to get out of the hell he was stuck in, gazing out of the window in hopes that he could just transport into the nearby field and run- run from everything. It was also his last period, bringing his eyes to the clock often. The clock only ticked slower each time his eyes found it's. And, with this being science, Otabek just had to be the one sitting next to him- who had now been burdened with all the work as Yuri refused to do any.

The bell rang loudly and Yuri flew out of the classroom and was the first to leave. He sprinted to his locker, stuffing his books in before the last person could even leave his class, panting as he did so. He needed to do something to burn off this anger. Yes, he was often an irritable person but this was too much. The was being humiliated. He felt...stupid. He had never felt stupid before. Except, when his parents talked to him in that condescending voices of theirs saying that he had to get a job or they would end up homeless. Not him, they. Benefits could only do so much.

'Um, hey, Yurio.' I shy voice came from behind him as he slammed his locker door shut. He flung his head around and saw Yuuri, looking down at his feet as if was a child being told off for the very first time.

'Oh, hi, Yuuri!' Yuri smiled, feeling a small sense of relief that someone he knew was there to keep him balanced. Although, that changed nothing of the looming sense of dread that lingered near him. Something was wrong, he just couldn't quite place it.

'Um, Yuri, I know this is sudden and I shouldn't be doing this but I can't do this anymore. I'm...not in the best state as of lately and I can't put that on to you. Sorry. I have to go, I'll see you later.' Yuuri's words all blended into one. It was near impossible to decipher one from the next but Yuri had gotten the idea. Only when Yuuri left, though, did it sink in at all.

Yuuri had broken up with him.

For absolutely no reason but his own selfish ones.

Yuuri had been going through a bad time, Yuri knew that. But, so had Yuri and he hadn't gone around and broken up with his boyfriend. Idiot. Suddenly, his deplorable anger had returned. He was a wreck, he knew it. His emotions were scattered but one held strong- anger.

He stormed down the corridors not looking back, furiously clenching and unclenching his fists, venting some away of the anger that still held strong. Before he knew it, he was slamming Viktor's door down and slamming his hand down on his desk. Viktor looked up, surprised, quickly putting away the papers he was marking- the Bs visible, a big improvement from the frequent Fs from before.

'You fix this. This is your fault!' Yuri pointed his finger vindictively at the platinum (grey) haired man, spitting his words like venom dripping off his tongue. Viktor didn't say a word, just rose an eyebrow, hiding his fear behind a mask of confidence. He had seen Yuri angry often but this was different, this was like when they first met. Yuri had run from home and had found himself one state over. Viktor had found him sitting on the streets, his hoodie pulled tightly over his face. He had tried to help much to his failure. Yuri had been like a stray cat, scratching and biting as soon as Viktor approached him. But, Viktor was persistent and they soon became friends, even when Viktor finally brought him home with the promise they would stay in touch. But, looking at him now, Viktor saw the old Yuri return- the hissing cat in the alleyway. His walls were back up and Viktor couldn't help but wonder what happened.

'I said fix it!' Yuri yelled, slamming his fist on the desk once again, the anger breaking down just slightly to reveal that all-encompassing sadness behind it. The desk had cracked underneath his hand- a bonus to his power- leaving a permanent chip. A scar, permanently engraved in the desk to remind him of all this. In the small time Yuri had been going out with Yuuri, he had been happy, despite having no romantic feelings for the boy and now...that was destroyed.

'I can't fix it unless you tell me what it is, Yuri.' Viktor was careful not to scare him, gentle was his only available approach and even that was dangerous territory. Viktor's fears worsened when the first tear dripped down Yuri's cheek. Viktor wasn't used to help crying people. He had now done it often with Yuuri but that was different, he had learnt what to do with Yuuri. Doing it for someone else with an opposite personality was a whole new feat. One Viktor didn't want to take.

'Yuuri broke up with me...for no reason but himself.' Yuri's facade broke and something else was revealed. Something Viktor hadn't seen since he had brought Yuri to his home for the first time, giving him a blanket and a bowl of soup- it was as far as his cooking skills went. Yuri was broken. Completely and utterly broken. Over a boy he didn't even like, Viktor didn't understand.

'I was happy, Viktor. He actually made me happy.' Yuri looked up, the tears rolling down his cheeks like a waterfall, pain the only thing visible in his icy eyes. The eyes of a soldier had reverted back to those of a child.

Viktor stood, strode around the desk and did the thing Yuri least expected him to do. He was wrapped up in the warm embrace before he could even comprehend it. Viktor had to show he cared somehow and if this was all it took then he would do it.

It seemed to do the trick. Yuri's eyes dried and his mask was set back in place. Yuri was the first to pull away, trying to wipe away the already dried tears, rubbing his eyes gently as if not to irritate them any more than he had.

'You lied to me, distractions don't work.' Yuri's voice came out trembling, his mask still slightly askew, revealing just that bit of the child that he really was.

'I know they don't, Yuri. I've only just figured that out myself.'


	21. ''I Had To Do It, Viktor. You Know That, Right?''

Yuuri couldn’t help it. He had to do it, he kept telling himself that. He couldn’t continue to be with Yuri when he knew they were no more than friends. He held no feelings but fondness towards the blonde boy. They were friends, good ones at that, but they weren’t meant to be together. Yuuri had said yes out of pity, there was no reason to continue this lie.

Yuuri would have to break his heart- one he knew was no stronger than glass- so he would become stronger. No, he was just lying to himself. That was some poetic b*llshit he told himself as an excuse. Excuse after excuse. All because he couldn’t keep his feelings in check. Yuuri wasn’t an idiot. He knew Yuri had ulterior motives for asking him out that veered off the path of the simple ‘I like you’. He had seen the looks going Otabek’s way just as he had seen the looks of friendship and not love when they were together. He was being used. He didn’t mind being used. But, now, it was over anyway. None of that mattered. Yuuri had ended it for Yurio. He knew the boy would only feel worse in a lie. Distraction didn’t work, Yuuri knew that much- he was surprised it wasn’t common knowledge.

Still, Yuuri couldn’t escape the guilt that was eating his insides. He wanted to vomit, no, he wanted to do much more than that but he had the will to say no. For the first time in a long time, he had the will to say no. His life had been so much better than it had even been in the last few weeks, even with problems trailing behind him like a desperate puppy, so he wouldn’t jeopardise that now. He would continue to live as he wanted to. Strong. He no longer wanted to be glass, he wanted to be diamond.

The weekend had passed by quickly and school had come all too quickly. Luckily, he had come in early enough to vent some of his problems but it didn’t seem Viktor was in the right mind to listen- seemingly lost in his own thoughts too. Yuuri continued to talk nonetheless, gaining only hums in reply until he was interrupted about his rant about how his mum hadn’t given him breakfast because she was in a rush despite almost force-feeding him every other day- he still had no strength to tell him about Yuri.

‘Yuuri, I need to say something.’ Viktor blurted, his eyes wide as if he was about to reveal his worst secret. ‘I need to apologise about Lily. I kissed her and I shouldn’t. I mean I should have known…’ He stopped. Why was he apologising? Well, they both knew that. What was wrong was that they _shouldn’t_ have known that. They weren’t allowed to know that. Knowing was wrong. Knowing was acknowledging their feelings. Acknowledging their feelings was breaking the law.

‘It’s fine.’ Yuuri whispered before he could go any further. The sooner the conversation was over the better. They could know. They could just never speak it aloud. That would work...for now. Viktor nodded defeatedly, ashamed at himself for not being able to word it but nonetheless glad that Yuuri had said something. He knew, after experiencing it so many times, the silence was his worst punishment. Yuuri used silence like a knife, wielding it like a sword, pointing it at Viktor’s throat so he could no longer speak.

Now, Yuuri just smiled, albeit weakly. His eyes were cast down but he looked accepting. He knew what had happened, he knew what Viktor did but he had forgiven it long ago. He had forgiven Viktor the moment Lily had said those dreaded words. Viktor was only worried because Yuuri had pulled away again. Well, they still spoke, but all mentions of his power had dissipated along with anything more than small talk.

Silence didn’t last long. With the worst burden off Viktor’s chest, Yuuri had to free his too. ‘How’s Yurio doing?’ Yuuri knew Viktor knew. He just needed to know what Viktor _thought._ Viktor and Yurio were friends, best friends probably, the only opinion that matter more than Viktor’s was Yuri’s itself.

‘Bad.’ Viktor stated, saying no more. He didn’t mean to be rude but there was nothing else to say. Yuri had been doing terrible, really, bad was just an understatement. But, it would do, Yuuri would know what he meant.

‘I had to do it, Viktor. You know that, right? He was leading me on and I was letting him. I couldn’t be a burden like that nor could I let him do that to me.’ Yuuri admitted, his underlying anger slipping through. Yes, his largest reason for breaking it off had been to take the burden of Yuri’s shoulders but, somewhere deep in his heart, he was mad. Mad that he had been led on. Mad at himself for letting himself be led on. Mad at the world for getting him in the situation at all. Yuuri couldn’t only be happiness and rainbows, he had a darkness residing inside of him that refused to come out but something about it all just let the small spurt sneak through. He wanted to punch something. As if that would fix anything.

Viktor nodded in agreement. ‘I’m mad too, Yuuri, but try to not take it to heart. Yuri meant no wrong.’ Viktor gave Yuuri a caring smile. He too wanted to be furious but seeing the look on Yuri’s face had forced him to give up any hope of staying angry. Yuri was broken...and no one could fix him. Especially not with anger.

‘I feel terrible, Viktor. I don’t know what to do! Should I feel bad? Should I feel guilty? Should I take it back?’ Yuuri began to panic, his breathing had picked up a notch but Viktor saw it before it came.

‘Yuuri, calm down. You shouldn’t feel anything but relief. Nothing came out of being with Yuri.’ Viktor lied. He had seen Yuri, the devastation on his face. Yuri had been happy with Yuuri. A lot had come out of their relationship. Viktor couldn’t help but be jealous. He hadn’t made them smile. He had made them cry, scream and panic. He _couldn’t_ make them smile.

Viktor had failed them.


	22. ''I Can't''

Another week passed and it seemed that things were beginning to find routine again. It was Monday again and Yuuri found himself in Viktor’s classroom as he did every lunchtime. Yuri had yet to turn up to school at all. He had supposedly been ill but they both knew better. They would leave it for now, he just needed time. He had the ability to catch up in his subjects, they both knew that. Yuuri, especially, who had been trying to do so for weeks after his continued absences.

‘Yuuri, it’s been awhile since we talked about this. Are you sure?’ Viktor confirmed, watching as Yuuri’s brows furrowed and relaxed, over and over as if his thoughts were just bringing him around in circles. Yuuri nodded, nonetheless, squeezing his eyes shut once more.

‘I’m sure, Viktor. I have to at least try.’ Viktor nodded and took his place on the floor opposite Yuuri, both of their legs folded. Viktor just watched, painfully aware of the winces that Yuuri was showing the more he concentrated.

A minute or two must have passed before Yuuri gritted his teeth and opened his eyes. ‘Nothing.’ He breathed, frustrated, a look of sadness quickly passing over his face before he shook his head and found some resolve.

‘Viktor, I need you to talk me through it. Your power I mean. I know, you’ve had it from birth, you probably don’t know the steps or anything but at the moment, anything will help. I’m clueless here.’ Yuuri explained, his eyes solemn but determined.

Viktor sighed, running a shaky hand through his silver locks that glistened gently as the sun poured through the windows- an awkward contrast to the sullen atmosphere. ‘I don't know where to start.’ Viktor muttered, looking to the ceiling for a short moment, sifting through his thoughts, trying to pick out the single one that would help him. ‘I'm not sure how to without using it.’ Viktor sighed, defeated. Yuuri had other plans.

‘Use it on me. If it would help, I give you your full permission to use it on me.’ Viktor stared at him, shock a secondary thought to his confusion. His mouth hung slightly agape as he stared at the boy.

‘I can't, Yuuri. Not only do I not want to but I'm your…’ his words fell short. The word seemed incorrect. The word ‘teacher’ was a falsehood to them now, nothing more than what others told them they were. Not even Viktor could persuade himself of what he was anymore.

In simplistic terms, yes, he was Yuuri’s teacher. He taught and Yuuri learnt. But, their relationship was far from it. Just as it was beginning to draw away from their friendship. They were something more. They both just knew that they could never admit that ‘more’.

‘You can use it, Viktor, I'm giving you my permission.’ Viktor’s face turned blank. Any emotions had drifted away, leaving him thoughtless. It was as if Viktor was detaching himself from his own body. But, with the same dedication as he put into so much he did, he furrowed his eyebrows and spoke- not that he needed to but it was clearer to himself what the stages were if he voiced them aloud.

‘Lift your arm.’ Viktor's eyes shut in concentration. If he was going to explain this, he had to dedicate his mind to every single thought and action he went through. Yuuri did just that, despite his unwillingness, his arm lifted; at first, almost painfully. Viktor's power was a battle of two wills, a battle in which Viktor never lost. Viktor breathed out, taking a huge gulp of air afterwards as if he hadn't breathed for days. Afterwards, taking deep breaths, seemingly to calm himself down more so than for the sake of breathing itself.

‘Viktor?’ Yuuri asked, his voice no louder than a pin dropping, worry lacing the edges of his words. Viktor's head shot up in acknowledgement, a small smile crossing his face.

‘I'm fine.’ He reassured him, taking one last deep inhale of air before his breathing returned to normal. ‘Okay,’ Viktor started, the topic changing abruptly but both were glad for it. ‘I think I know how, although, this may be specific to me.’ Viktor spoke as gently as possible. It seemed, whilst in their own little world, neither bothered to notice the new presence in the room. Viktor had forgotten to lock the door again. Airhead.

‘Okay, look ahead. You want to see the future, right, so keep your eyes set on that.’ A small gasp drew their attention away from each other. Their eyes darting in an oddly perfected synchronisation to see the perpetrator. Lily. Of course, it was Lily.

‘You can see the future?’ Lily’s voice was timid, she had long since forgotten her reasons to be here, this was far more important. It would be for anyone. Clairvoyance was no more than a party trick that people who clearly had no such skill liked to trick people into believing. And now, apparently, they had found their first true clairvoyant.

Yuuri’s head flung sideways, his eyes already brimming with tears. He was scared. He knew what people did when they found out about his lack of powers. He had no experience in this field. Anything was about to happen. Anything wasn’t something Yuuri could handle. Anything was something Yuuri feared.

‘Yes, yes he is.’ Viktor confirmed, his voice calm- Yuuri’s rock in all this. If he couldn’t say it, Viktor would. Viktor could assess the situation in seconds, a task that would take Yuuri days and it seemed Viktor had made the choice- Lily could know. Anyone else? Yuuri wasn’t sure.

Lily’s mouth hung open, her golden curled hair falling around her face, her cheeks blossoming pink. Disbelief was evident. ‘That’s amazing.’ She breathed, true awe in her tone. Despite everything, Yuuri was kind, caring boy who clearly put others before himself- Lily respected that. Viktor was the one she had no respect for.

Just as Viktor had no respect for himself anymore. He really did believe that he failed them. Yuuri, if he knew, would beg to differ. Viktor was everything that kept him on the planet. If not for Viktor, who knows, Yuuri could be hanging from rope right about now. Or maybe, the pills would be beginning to dissolve in his stomach.

‘I can’t exactly use it, though.’ Yuuri admitted, feeling the scrutiny of both people’s gazes despite the lack of judgement in both. He was a miracle to them. Somehow, he still managed to feel like plain old Yuuri. With the look of disappointment, so clearly acting towards himself, on Yuuri’s face, Viktor piped up. ‘We’re working on it. I’m sure, not that you know, you could be of help. Anyone is, really, the more aware you are of your power the better, though.’ Lily nodded, her eyes softening, pity aimed at the young boy strong.

‘You didn’t know?’ She asked and despite the ambiguity, it was quite clear what she meant. Yuuri had lived a life thinking he had no power and yet, she had heard nothing of it. Yuuri felt stripped, bare, as if all his secrets were flooding from him. Yet he found, with Viktor beside him, that he didn’t feel so afraid of that anymore. The anxiety was nipping at his heels, not quite reaching him.

Yuuri shook his head, still feeling scrutinised but returned to his previous position as if to indicate that he was ready to try again, even with Lily in the room. He didn’t dislike Lily, or, at least, he led himself to believe that, but there was no doubt that tension hung in the air with her presence in the room. Yuuri found himself wishing for her to leave as silence fell, Lily herself realising that this was no time for talking- this was Yuuri’s time to try out this new found ability.

‘Return to the place we left off, Yuuri. Focus on the goal and only that. Don’t feel pressured to go far, even seconds will be impressive.’ Viktor encouraged, his voice as caring as he could muster, trying to ignore Lily’s presence by the door. Lily remained silent, watching like a hawk, trying to explain it all to herself. Yuuri had always been different but she would have never thought _this_ was why. She couldn’t deny it, though, he really was a miracle. Jealousy had blinded her, Yuuri was nothing to hate. He was kind and gentle, she wished that the boy hadn’t been caught up in this mess. Just as she knew that she would have to get him out of it. She could see the struggle on Viktor’s face. He wanted Yuuri but it was clear that he knew what was right and wrong. He was trying to push Yuuri away, he just couldn’t find it within himself to do so.

Lily knew it was up to her. She didn’t want to. She never in a million years would stop love is she could help it but this was wrong. No, not wrong, _illegal_. She shook her head, her thoughts had strayed too far. But, she found within the silence a goal. She was going to help the boy, just as she was going to help Viktor. They couldn't be together. She wouldn't allow it. She was helping both of them in thinking so.

Yuuri was still jittery, his breaths were slightly shaky and the woman by the door was not helping. Not even a glimpse of calm could be captured. Suddenly, the entire task was impossible. He was too distracted, as was Viktor. ‘I can’t.’ He breathed, that self-hatred aimed right back at himself. Viktor just nodded, too tired to deny it. They were both worn out, the excitement had drained. It wasn’t Lily’s fault, they knew that. It was their own minds deceiving them now.

It would always be their own minds.


	23. ''I Like Your Room''

The next day, they tried again. Lily was, gladly, out of sight and the both of them were excited to give it their first real shot, their last chance stripped away. Well, no, that wasn’t exactly correct. Viktor was plenty excited.

Yuuri couldn’t be more terrified.

The lunch bell had rang loudly, deafening his shocked ears. For the first time in his school career, he hesitated to leave his maths class- almost opting to stay behind and do homework, he was sure the teacher wouldn’t mind. But, he couldn’t avoid it. He and Viktor agreed to meet at the usual place, Viktor’s classroom, for a practice session before lunch.

Yuuri had agreed easily, his chocolate brown eyes wide with fear but his mouth speaking off his own accord. Something inside of him knew that this was not what he wanted to spend his time doing. Or his lunch. Or his life. He never thought there would be a day where he wished to be powerless again.

Yet, the wish to be normal still overpowered it all.

‘Yuuri!’ A shrill voice called out, the Russian accent weaker than it had ever been before. America, although only after years of living there, was finally starting to wear at Viktor’s accent. It had never succeeded in wearing down his excitement, though. Much to Yuuri’s current disappointment.

‘Hey, Viktor.’ He sighed, rubbing his palm down the side of his face, the tiredness causing his fingers to drop- his eyelids the same. Viktor’s once juvenile smile turned to a frown, his usual features creased into a tight ball.

‘You haven’t been sleeping have you?’ His face turned grave and Yuuri was almost sent reeling. Viktor’s mood shifts were something to adjust to. Viktor’s ‘serious’ face something that seemed impossible to adjust to at all. His light features, pale skin and blue eyes- with the additional ‘platinum’ hair- gave him a look of a stereotypical ethereal being. Graveness didn’t suit him. He suited calm, not that that was common either.

His looks were a juxtaposition to his looks but it didn’t matter, Yuuri was off topic and somewhere in his chain of thoughts, he had forgotten what Viktor had asked at all. ‘Huh?’ His eyes lifted, his eyelids peeling back slowly, to reveal a frowning Viktor.

Oh, the thoughts made a lot more sense now.

'Yuuri, you said you had been! Why didn't you say you were having trouble sleeping again!' Viktor complained, that sudden graveness covered by that common look he had when he was whining. Yuuri was glad for the lack of seriousness but he knew if he didn't answer right now, he was going to be reprimanded and their progress for today would be lost- just as it had been every other day.

'I. It was just last night.' Yuuri whispered, the lie feeling thick on his tongue but with Yuuri's forever introverted mood, Viktor saw nothing in it and nodded, a smile gracing his face.

'Good, good. But, don't wear yourself out too much. I know this must be hard.' His smile was caring and small, enough to let Yuuri relax. The constant happy atmosphere could often feel oppressing and the slight slither of calm was something to revel in, especially when Viktor's mood changed so quickly. 'Okay, then, let's get to work.' His bright smile returned but timidness laced the edges. From the beginning, both of them had been overtly afraid of the danger that could come with this all but neither had made a move to stop.

Yuuri was special and if this was what it took for him to see that, Viktor would continue for forever. Yuuri, on the other hand, just wanted to be in control again. The chaos that had ensued in the last few weeks had been too much and now, he just needed to take back the reigns on his life.

Yuuri's eyebrows furrowed and his mind concentrated, any blur of insecurity vanquished for the objective. 'Take me through the steps again.' He whispered, a plea for reassurance as the images fail to flash in his mind. He went through it again and again, at home and with Viktor. He always came out with nothing. His mind was always blank. More blank than it had ever been before. Those swirling thoughts that refused to leave, vanished if only so that his power didn't work. His own mind had always been against him, he shouldn't have been surprised.

'Okay, deep breath firsts, Yuuri. Panicking won't help.' Yuuri smiled gently, it was always amusing to hear Viktor in what he called 'parent mode'. It suited him in some respects. In others, Viktor's responsibility just didn't sit well with Yuuri. He was too impulsive for that.

Yuuri took a breath in, counting the seconds that passed before breathing out again. And again, each action the same as the last. 'Now, concentrate your mind on the goal and only that. Any distractions will cause confusion. I'm going to stop speaking. Motion if you need more.' The silence was comforting and imposing all at once. Yuuri felt conflicted. His thoughts quickly drifted from the aim but whenever he found his way back on track, the room didn't feel as stuffy as it had before.

Still, no images. No thoughts of what's to come. Nothing.

'Anything?' Viktor whispered as Yuuri's eyes peeked open, the glint in his eye dead.

A sigh came before the shake of his head. Viktor's stomach dropped. Something should have happened by now. But, they should have known, they were holding out to much hope. Yuuri hadn't been able to use this for years now. So, why would it work at this very moment?

Yuuri shut his eyes again, rubbing the heel of his palms into his eyes, rubbing the sleep away- caused by the lack of a weeks sleep. And then, the magic happened. With no thoughts in his mind, the image flashed again. The syringe. Yuuri smiled and in that moment, he had never felt better.

A scream ensued.

Only did Yuuri know that when the blackness hit, that was his scream that had echoed off the walls of the room. That painful ringing in his ears was caused by him and the panicked hands clutching his shirt was Viktor's frail, almost white, fingers.

The headache ripped through Yuuri's skull and with another scream, his body fell limp and his body went to sleep. The last thing he remembered was the pleads of Viktor, asking him to wake up.

-

Viktor had never had a panic attack before but he couldn't help but doubt that what he was going through right now was exactly that. His breathing came panicked and his vision was no more than a hazy blur of colours. His mind couldn't comprehend the situation and all he could hear was the whisperings in the back of his mind to snap out of it, followed by the echoes of the voices that told him he deserved it. The dark voices whispering everyone's worst nightmare. The dark thoughts that everyone has.

He wasn't jolted from his mind when hands came into contact with his shoulders. He didn't notice, even. His eyes were trained on Yuuri, his nerves set in saving him. But what good could he do in this state? He hadn't thought it through.

Then again, who thought through a panic attack?

'Viktor, stop! Calm down, please!' An American accent, feminine, quite high. Lily, probably. Viktor, even with the revelation, didn't move and continued to shake. It was almost as if he was willing himself into this state now.

Then again, who wills themselves pain?

'Viktor, don't you dare do this to me.' An angry voice, still high but undoubtedly a boy's. The Russian was easily identifiable, Yuri. Viktor didn't listen; he didn't want to listen. And, if Viktor didn't want to do something- he wouldn't. His motto was do what you love or don't do anything at all.

Then again, since when had he loved what he had done in the last few weeks.

His motto, now, was nothing more than a hypocritical statement of optimism, created by his own mind in hopes of collecting enough denial to forget about it all.

'Can you just listen to me, bastard!' The shout was enough for his eyes to move. In his peripheral vision, Yuuri still lay- strewn messily across the floor- but within clear sight was now Yuri, whose face displayed nothing but panic. He hadn't seen that face in a long time.

It...it scared him.

'What's going on?' Viktor whispered, looking around as if waking up from a dream. This wasn't a dream. Yuuri was passed out by his knees, the agonising scream still so clear in his hearing. And Yuri, panicked and scared. Not for Yuuri, but for him.

'We don't know but you have to tell us what happened.' Lily spoke, gentle and calm. It didn't do anything to reassure Viktor.

'How did you get in here?' The much more important question in Viktor's mind.

'We got a key from the headmaster, okay? Now can you answer our question?' Yuri ordered, his arms folded protectively over his chest.

Viktor shuffled over to Yuuri, still on his knees and pressed his fingers to Yuuri's neck. The small amount of first aid he did at least told him that Yuuri was alive and breathing. 'Yuuri was practising something, he passed out because of it.' Viktor whispered gravely, being careful with his word. Yuri was still blind to the scenario and although they would tell him sooner or later, now was not the time to tell.

'We need a doctor.' Lily spoke from behind Yuri, already on her phone most likely to inform the school nurse of the issue. So, when silence fell, no one made it an aim to fix it. Viktor stared demurely at the body beside him as Yuri tapped his foot repetitively against the floor, the sound echoing like it was the heartbeat of the room. Lily remained impassive to the situation, staring dully at Yuuri's body as if she didn't care. She did care.

She cared a lot. But, watching Viktor by Yuuri's body was already causing her conflicting. Their relationship was toxic, anyone knew that but seeing them like this, it made her want to urge them on.

Viktor already looked lost without Yuuri there to reassure him. He looked worse than ever because Yuuri was the victim. Lily wanted to fix that; she knew she couldn't. Despite her little, inconvenient crush on Viktor, she knew that he didn't like her. She had accepted that. She was moving on albeit rather slowly.

Lily was starting to regret her promise. She never took it back, though.

The nurse arrived hastily and was soon examining Yuuri and bringing him to the infirmary and after an hour of treatment, he was sent home- he was still asleep but it seemed that he would be too tired to wake up anytime soon and the nurse was busy with a boy who had broken his leg whilst his parents were away meaning he had to stay in the single bed there was at school.

-

When Yuuri woke up, he was in his own bed. Nothing seemed off. But, as his eyes opened groggily, he realised, something was definitely wrong. By his bed were his parents. Okay, not too odd, he thought. But, as he turned around and was met by the man that he so often dreamt of, he knew something very weird was going on here.

'What happened?' Yuuri asked, his voice strained.

'You passed out whilst...' Viktor's sentence trailed off as his eyes caught that of his parents. They didn't know yet, Viktor knew that. He wouldn't breach Yuuri's trust and tell them now. Yuuri nodded to let him know he understood and returned to examining his room.

Just as his eyes found the door, it opened and in came a man- who he had never seen before. 'This is your doctor, Yuuri. We were worried so we brought him here.' His mother spoke, motioning to the doctor. Yuuri nodded again, not trusting his vocal chords to make any coherent sounds.

The doctor gave his name, which Yuuri immediately forgot, and took a few tests. He soon left the house giving Yuuri's mother his card so she knew the number when the test results came from. They wanted to know the cause.

They wouldn't find it.

And, Viktor and Yuuri weren't going to tell anyone.

His parent's left too, telling Viktor that he could talk to Yuuri about what happened. It seemed that Viktor had scared his parents too. No wonder, Viktor looked a mess. The bags under his eyes were large, his hair poking out awkwardly and his skin raw from obvious scratching.

Yuuri hoped his parents weren't suspicious. It wasn't any teacher that would be this worried for their student.

'Why are you here?' Yuuri croaked, turning his face to see Viktor from his position on the bed.

'I was worried. I originally came as a witness to recall to the doctor what happened. And don't worry, I said I didn't know why. I then asked to stay until you woke up so I could talk to you about something.' Viktor smiled down at Yuuri, tilting his head slightly. His mind urged him to move his hand to Yuuri's hair but he didn't. He remained deadly still, scarily still.

'Viktor are you alright?' Yuuri asked.

'Yeah, don't worry about me... You know, I like your room.' Viktor winked and Yuuri couldn't help but blush drawing an abrasive laugh from Viktor. Yuuri soon joined in and once again, the both of them were stuck in a fit of giggles.

Yuuri loved it. It was moments like these where he forgot everything and was just happy. He was happy. Viktor was happy. And his parents, who had been spying just outside his room, had never been happier- even if they were a little suspicious.


	24. ''We Have To Tell Them''

'We have to tell them.' Viktor's face switched again. It had been an hour since Yuuri had woken up and the two were still talking in the privacy of Yuuri's room. Yuuri's parents had long since gone and left them to their own devices, beginning their own little theories of what was going on.

Of course, both of them were a little worried. A student-teacher relationship was nothing to be happy about and would take action if needed but they liked Viktor and they saw a friendship blooming, at least. They would accept that.

And maybe, when Yuuri left school, they could accept more too.

'What?' Yuuri muttered, distracted by his own thoughts, missing what Viktor had said.

'We have to tell them.' Viktor reiterated. The repeating of the words did not help. Yuuri was as confused, if not more, as before.

'Tell who, what?' Yuuri asked, rubbing his eyes, still feeling a little groggy. He stretched upwards and sat against the headboard of the bed so he could face Viktor properly.

'Tell your parents about your power.' Well, that was sudden, Yuuri thought with a little shock. Viktor had that face on again, that one that gave Yuuri a front row seat to his brooding.

'Why?' Was Yuuri's first reaction. He hadn't meant to say it out loud but it was too late to take back now. And, with Viktor's expression, he knew he had most likely said the wrong thing.

'Why? They're your parents, Yuuri!'

'I know, I know.' Yuuri dismissed. 'But, why now? Maybe...maybe we should just wait until I could control it.' Yuuri's voice faded to nothing, his voice unsure and shaky. Viktor could already see the cracks in his facade. He wanted to tell his parents, he really did.

He was just afraid.

Yuuri was often afraid. He looked to the future and found the worst scenarios. Seems ironic now. His personality was so perfectly presented in his power. Just as Viktor's represented him. Not that anyone would no one that.

It was said that everyone's powers represented them. People tended to dismiss the fact out of fear of what theirs meant. The simple powers- the most common- tended to say very little. But, those rare ones- ones like Viktor's any Yuuri's- they could tell any entire life story.

Mind control, Viktor thought. Representing the vicious want for control over others. He didn't use it simply for the guilt that came afterwards. A personality born from experiences of submissiveness.

Yet, Viktor had still been born with his power. Maybe it was destiny in play. He didn't believe in destiny, or maybe he did. He never openly said he did but then again, who did he have to tell?

'No.' Viktor finally spoke, his voice decisive and clear. 'You have to tell them. They're you parents, Yuuri, they need to know.' Viktor swallowed thickly, the terrors of his past threatening to break free.

He swallowed them down. He loved his parents.

Right?

He shook off his thoughts. This was no time to think of himself. He needed to help Yuuri through this, as his teacher.

Right, as his teacher.

'Okay.' Yuuri's voice was weak, trembling. Viktor sighed, placing a hand on Yuuri's cheek, stroking gently.

Yes, as his teacher.

'How about I tell them. I'll bring them back in and we'll tell them together but I can do all the talking.' Yuuri nodded quickly, trusting Viktor a little too fast. But, Yuuri was right to. He knew he couldn't do it himself. Viktor would be the help he needed. He knew his parents had to know about him, they had his entire life. They just knew false facts.

Viktor swept up, dragging flimsy fingers through his hair before running out to fetch Yuuri's parents. Yuuri remained still, focusing once again on his breathing, the calm of the room welcome. In and out. In and out.

'Yuuri. I'm back. Viktor spoke, smiling slightly. He walked into the room, Yuuri's parents following behind him. Yuuri, with the little strength he had, sat up and glanced at both of his parents nervously.

'You definitely don't want to tell them yourself?' Viktor asked, peaking his parents' interest as well as releasing a small bit of dread from himself. He nodded again, still not ready to speak.

Viktor took a place on the side of Yuuri's bed, looking up to his parents- the grave look back on his face. The one that didn't quite suit him.

'We have something to tell you...about Yuuri's lack of power.' He addressed Yuuri's parents formally. Yet again, something that didn't suit him. Viktor was laid back, casual. Now, he looked so serious- as if the matter was life or death. Maybe it was. Neither understood what was happening.

The unknown is dangerous territory.

His parents looked interested, shocked even. Yuuri never flaunted his lack of powers. He hid it like he had the plague. But, Viktor knew. Their suspicions grew. 'It's false. In the last few days, we think that something has changed. Yuuri can see the future. I know it's a risky thing to say but I have proof. It's not definitive but I can't find a reason to doubt the conclusion.' Viktor explained. Yuuri backed away, shy of his parents' reaction, not looking up to see it.

That's why when he felt two pairs of arms around him, he was no less than astonished. 'That's amazing, Yuuri!' His mother cried, pulling away, a proud smile on her face. Yuuri looked between his parents, both looking so proud and then, his gaze turned to Viktor. That smile was back on his face. Things felt in place again. It almost felt, normal.

Although, none of this was normal, was it? It was anything but normal.

'Can you do it? I've never known someone to develop a power so late. Does it work differently?' His father asked curiously. Yuuri shied away again, his gaze downcast to his lap. But, as usual, Viktor was there to talk in his place.

'We're practising but so far the success rate has been slim. Minimal, even. It seems to, it has a correlation to these...blackouts. We're not quite sure yet, though.' His parents nodded understandingly but Yuuri just felt pained. He swallowed, focusing on his breathing but it didn't seem to be working.

That small glimpse of happiness just made this all the worse. His parents had looked so proud and now all he had to say was that every time he used it, he failed to even stay conscious. He felt incompetent. He felt stupid.

He realised soon that silence had already fallen and the discussion was gone and all eyes were on him. Viktor was calling out to him and his breathing had suddenly become so prominent. He hadn't realised just how lost he had been in his thoughts.

Viktor was still calling out to him and with a few blinks, he realised that Viktor was just in front of him, their faces inches from each other. His parents were lost in the blur of his surroundings. He made no attempt to look for them, he kept his eyes focused on Viktor. He watched as his shoulders moved up and down and followed his movements, vaguely aware that that was what Viktor was instructing him to do.

Their eyes locked and for a moment, time stopped. It was just them. In his room, Yuuri thought, suddenly flustered. And with a small, final breath, he felt back to normal again. He smiles weakly, his eyes still wide and his hands still trembling.

He looks around, his parents are watching him cautiously. They're watching them both cautiously. No, suspiciously.

Yuuri didn't know what to say. What could he say? Nothing.

Great.


	25. ''Grace Me With Your Presence At School''

'Yuri!' It had been weeks since Otabek had even uttered a word to Yurio. The grave look on his face made no indication that he would but, when he called out in the corridor, Yurio had enough kindness left in his heart to at least turn around and acknowledge him. He wouldn't stoop to Otabek's level: not yet, at least.

'Otabek.' He replied, lips in a thin line, his face turning an unnatural shade of red. Something Otabek clearly picked up on by the tiny quirk of his lips. Otabek was panting and Yuri had to restrain himself from simply watching his chest fall up and down. He chastised himself for even thinking of that and took extra careful attention in keeping eye-contact with the only slightly taller boy.

'Is there somewhere we can talk? Somewhere that isn't in the middle of the hallway?' The boy asked, his confident persona lesser than usual. Replaced with what seemed like an almost grumpy looking frown as well as oddly stoic body language. Yuri nodded, suspicious at the least but motioned for Otabek to follow him nonetheless.

They ended up in Viktor's classroom. Yuri had finally begged long enough for Viktor to give him the key and it was the best way for privacy. With Viktor off God-knows-where, they had time for themselves. (Although, Yuri expected that Katsudon's absence had something to do with it. As well as the incident from the day before).

'What do you want?' Yuri spoke, his words supposed to be harsh but in reality, nothing more than an annoyed sigh. He folded his arms over his chest protectively and watched as Otabek took a seat whilst Yurio made a move to lean against Viktor's desk, staying on guard.

'I wanted to apologise.' Otabek's statement was clear and loud, he made no room for Yuri to but in as he continued, purposeful- any doubts long gone in the weeks apart. 'I was rude. I wanted to tell you that I didn't mean it. I was shocked, that was for sure and as for your feelings for me...I'm not sure. But, I broke up with Mila, I can tell you that much.' That stoic facade had broken again but with another breath, his face returned to its usual position and his words became duller, less meaningful. Yuri didn't care, the words meant more than the way he said them. Otabek was known for his straight face. Yuri liked that. Otabek didn't need the quirk of his lips to tell each and every soul just what he was thinking. He used words and God was Otabek good at words. Despite the almost broken way he spoke, his accent seeping through, he was so sure of his words. He knew what he wanted to say and he would say it.

But, it wasn't enough.

Yuri was too hurt to be rehabilitated and forgiving with a few words.

'And, I don't know what I'm going to do know, I've practically been shunned but I want to be friends.' Otabek finished with a deep breath, shutting his eyes for but a second before peeling them open and watching Yuri's face.

Yuri, once shocked, had stripped away any emotion that had once urged him to forgive and left himself with the unrelenting, ice-cold anger he usually portrayed. 'No.' Yuri paused, meeting Otabek's eyes. 'No, you can't just do that. I admitted something that I wished I'd never and then you go and ignore me for weeks. And now, you come back with sad eyes and enticing words. But, no. I won't be your friend. Be shunned, you deserve it.' Yuri spat, growling before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him, not bothering to lock it. Viktor wouldn't mind...probably.

Yuri's breaths came in heavy pants as he tried to remain his facade of impassiveness but as his heavy footstep echoed around the already bustling corridors, he soon gave up. He pushed and shoved his way through the crowd and out of the front doors despite lunch now being over. As others ran to class, Yuri stalked outside and into the cover of the trees at the edge of the school field, the one in which you could see from the windows of Viktor's classroom- just as it was the other way round.

Yuri sat against the harsh bark of the tree nearest to the classroom and watched the interior. Otabek hadn't moved, nor did it look like he was going to. The classroom, although no longer locked, had no lessons in it. Viktor was the only one who taught in that classroom except for the few lessons in which Viktor's lessons were covered by some teacher who seemed to have a liking for the classroom. Most didn't, it was the detention classroom and generally, that was enough to drive the teachers away. So, any of Viktor's lessons that he was missing had now been directed to another classroom. It would remain empty, except for Otabek.

Otabek still sat in his chair but now, with privacy supposedly on his side, his face was buried in his hands. His body looked like it was shaking but it was clear that he wasn't crying. He stilled, peering out of the window and for a second, Yuri thought he had been caught. He hadn't. It seemed Otabek had a vested interest in watching the trees sway as he tried to catch his breath. Otabek really must have been nervous, Yuri thought. They both had been.

And, Yuri had the audacity to go and ruin it.

He didn't regret his actions, though. He just wished it could have gone a different way from the beginning. Yuri's anger was unrelenting and as soon as Otabek had set on the path of destroying Yuri's emotional state, Yuri wasn't going to be in a good place.

Yuri had too much in his life to have that on top of him too. He tried to ignore it. He couldn't. He watched Otabek, muttering to himself about how the world would be better without him but still found himself looking at him with a certain fondness.

Otabek didn't move for another five minutes and neither did Yuri and when he finally did decide to stretch his limbs, he didn't use them to leave. He remained in the room as if waiting for someone to return. He still held hope. Yuri didn't care.

Or, at least, Yuri didn't want to care.

-

'Yuuri, don't kick me out!' Viktor whined pettily, grasping at Yuuri's hands- which only made him flush further.

'Viktor, you have a job! You can't just not turn up!' Yuuri complained, his whole body frozen as he concentrated on the light touch of their palms.

'I took a day off!' Viktor persuaded but it was clear enough that was not true. Knowing Viktor, he had simply rang up the school and told them that he wouldn't be coming in before hanging up before they could even argue. Maybe he had taken leave but not with permission.

'Viktor.' Yuuri warned, his voice not as steady as he wanted.

'Fine.' He sighed, scowling like a child. Yuuri smiled and let out a breath as their hands broke away.

(Deep down, he longed for that touch again.)

'But get some rest and grace me with your presence at school tomorrow.' Viktor smiled, his words holding weight but said so lightly that Yuuri almost felt tempted to ignore them. But, even without Viktor's words, he would have followed the orders anyway. Sleep clutched onto him and he didn't know if he could stay awake much longer but he still knew that he was behind enough at school already and he would have to go in tomorrow.

'Bye, Yuuri!' He called as he rushed out, flinging his jacket on and speeding his way to school, no doubt to try and reclaim his job before it was given away. He was persuasive enough, the likelihood of him losing his job was almost impossible- especially if he ramped up the charm.

Yuuri was left alone, Viktor no doubt back at the school by now. The darkness felt calm for once, no longer the suffocating it usually was but a peace that he had long since craved since the incident. His head still hurt, after all.

But, the silence didn't last for long. He soon heard a knock on his door and before he could call out to let them in, they had invited themselves inside and were sitting on the edge of his bed.

'Hi, Yuuri, how are you feeling?' His mother asked worriedly, his father looking just as bad.

'Are you okay?' His father continued, both staring Yuuri down as if he were in a hospital bed. Yuuri wasn't sure why they were making such a fuss but it was inevitable, he thought. He had worried them for too long and it wasn't surprising that now they had broken and wanted to make sure he was okay throughout the day, every day.

'I'm doing good.' He reassured, his lips turning up minutely- a small reassurance. 'The only thing that still hurts is my head but it's fine.' He continued. His mother immediately bustled towards him and took his temperature. As suspected, it was a little higher than normal but nothing drastic.

'See, it's fine. I'll make it to school tomorrow.' Hiroko nodded and took her hand away, giving his father a shy, worried glance before turning her attention back to Yuuri.

'You seem much more dedicated to school recently. Your teacher have anything to do with that?' Hiroko raised her eyebrows teasingly, giving Yuuri another one of her knowing smiles. Yuuri shied away but shrugged nonetheless.

There was no doubt that Viktor was the reason his dedication had become so much more noticeable.

His mother smiled but a grave look took over her face as quickly as the smile had. 'You know the rules about student's relationships with their teachers, though, right?' His mother asked, her voice reprimanding already. Yuuri blushed heavily but nodded. He did know.

He just didn't seem to be following them.


	26. ''No Bad Blood Then?''

It was evident since the beginning of their conversation that Viktor did not want to be there. Lily watched him as the scowl framed his face as he crossed his arms protectively over his chest. Yes, she confirmed, Viktor wanted to leave. But, for now, she wouldn't let him. They needed to talk and now was a perfect time. Yuuri would return again soon and Lily didn't want him involved. Well, he was apart of this so there was only so much she could do but she made her best effort to try.

'If you're trying to clear our situation up, there is no need to. I apologise for kissing you. I was in a bad place. I'm sorry that that was put onto you.' Viktor didn't sound sorry but Lily was okay with that. She didn't mind so much anymore. She knew what Viktor felt and despite the longing to end those feelings, it was for no selfish reasons.  
She had once liked Viktor. Now, she only felt an impassive sort of companionship with him. What she cared for was Yuuri- the young teenager, so naive and vulnerable. Viktor was different. Viktor had had a long while to explore this world and whether that was good or bad, that didn't change a thing. Viktor was aware of what he was doing yet he still made no attempt to stop it.

She didn't seem to realise that Yuuri was in the exact same position.

No more words were spoken. The silence was thick and heavy, weighing both of their shoulders down until they were hunching into themselves like a crippled old man. Both felt weak. Neither held power over the situation. Viktor couldn't make Yuuri love him or even if Yuuri already did, be with him and Lily couldn't change destiny. She couldn't stop this.  
'Well, I guess that's cleared up then.' Lily coughed, breaking the silence. Their eyes locked and another silence fell.   
'Yeah, I guess it is.' Viktor frowned, looking Lily up and down. Something wasn't right. Her letting this go in itself wasn't right but something else was happening. Lily didn't look sad nor did she look angry. Her face was masked by determination. The determination to do what, Viktor thought. It set him on edge and he found himself wishing that Yuuri was by his side.

He wasn't sure how that would help.

'No bad blood then?' Lily asked, Viktor nodding in response. It didn't seem like either agreed but it felt too much to bring that up. They had their reasons for keeping the tension but it did nothing to help Viktor's mood as he stalked out of Lily's office and back to his classroom. He had made it for the end of the day and after a reprimanding from the headmaster, he had no lessons left to teach.

He was alone, for now.

Viktor sighed, running his long fingers through his hair, ruffling it slightly. He wanted to bash his head against the desk and only restrained for the fear of pain. How had he even ended up like this? Only an hour or two ago he was happy with Yuuri.

The hour after that just hadn't gone so well.

He had driven to which he had encountered the most traffic he had in years and when he finally did get to the school, there were no parking spaces left. With his good mood then lost, he had talked to the headmaster, taking the lecture without backing away. His charm had seemed to have run out. Then, Lily had pulled him aside. It couldn't have gotten worse. Their conversation had ensued and now, as he rested his head on the table, he wishes he had just defied Yuuri's wishes. Staying with him would have been much more fun.

But, then again, if he had, he doubted his future then wouldn't be much better than his present now. It didn't matter now anyway, Viktor was stuck with this reality now. He couldn't get out of it. He didn't mind too much, there was plenty to be happy about. Although, it just didn't seem to cancel out the plethora of things that were bringing him down.   
He tried to remain positive despite the hard times but he couldn't always do it. His smiles seemed to falter at the worst of times and he felt as if, somehow, he was failing those around him. That feeling had become so common now. It seemed that each and every person he knew had fallen into the trap of sadness.

He thought he had too.

For the first time in a while, he wishes to be home, with Makka by his side. He missed his dog, he felt as if he had been neglecting them for far too long now. His dog had once been the bane of his existence. But them, Yuuri had come along and distracted him from all of it. He suddenly felt even worse than before.  
Viktor reflected on the last months with a new found perspective. He had messed this up, big time. At every twist and turn, he felt as if he had done the wrong thing. He felt cursed. He lifted his head front the desk and watched as his hands shook.

He shouldn't be letting this get to him so badly, he thought. And with that, he stood. Less determination than usual but a set look crossing his face to at least project that he had a task- no matter how minor.   
He walked out the classroom, grabbing his bag on the way out. He looked back one last time to see that the desks had been moved. Someone had been in here. He shrugged it off; it had most likely been Yurio. He wondered what he was moving desks for, though.

He made his way home, his shoulders slumped and his hands still trembling lightly. He begged his hands to calm down, he needed to drive after all, but they didn't listen. He drove anyway, hoping that his trembling body wouldn't throw him off the side of the road.

He managed to return home safely apart from a few nail prints in his hand where he had clenched it too hard. He found his way into the apartment block easily, the door unlocked- he would have to remind his neighbour, Chris, to stop doing that. Getting into his own apartment was a little more difficult, the key never quite making it into the lock but after his fifth attempt the door opened and he was flooded with relief.

Makkachin greeted him happily, bouncing over to him and standing on his hind legs as if to reach Viktor's height. He produced a wan smile and hugged his dog carefully. They were getting old now, he had decided long ago to try and be gentle with them.

He brought them to the sofa, both sitting on the oddly uncomfortable material. Viktor sighed, running his hand through Makka's soft fur and relished in the silence that he hadn't had in a long time. At least, not a wanted silence. He welcomed the peace in open arms because for once, he realised that it wasn't him that was doing any wrong, it was simply life taking its path. He couldn't do anything.

The curse he had was hindsight. But everyone was cursed with that; they just have to live with it.

Viktor got ready for bed a few hours later after taking Makka for a walk around the park, not only to deplete some of Makka's built up energy but some of his anxiety as well.

'Night, Makka!' He called out. It felt less lonely to say goodnight to someone, even if it was his dog. But, he wished that he didn't have to. He wished that Yuuri was there.

He should have known that that dream was impossible.

At least, for now.


	27. ''We're Friends, Right?''

Yuuri was the second to arrive the next day. He had been early on purpose, avoiding the October rains that were forecast. He had woken early enough to eat, much to his mother's content and rushed off to school stating that it would give him time to catch up on a bit more work before school.

He found himself doing no work as he sat down at his desk, the desk which Yuri Plisetsky was now sitting on. The boy was fidgeting, his hair dangling over his face, concealing whatever emotion could be hidden there. 'Sorry.' Yuuri looked up, shocked. Yuri was in an even worse state now. It wasn't a surprise. Yuri had most likely never apologised before in his life. He didn't seem like a person who had, anyway. Yuri was stubborn and blunt and wouldn't apologise for what he said.

So why was he apologising now? 

'For the whole playing you thing.' He avoided the key facts but it was enough of an apology for Yuuri's lips to lift into a shy smile.

'That's alright, I forgave you a while ago.' Yuuri smiled. And, it was true. His life had been too hectic to hold a grudge against Yurio and nor did he feel played. He had played Yuri as much as Yuri had played him. They were both teenagers struggling to get a hold on their feelings, both falling for the right people at the wrong time.

'Really!?' Yuri squealed, causing Yuuri to snort just a little whilst trying to hide his laughter.

'Yeah.' Yuuri laughed slightly. 'We're friends, right?' Yurio didn't answer except with a curt nod. Both of them were smiling now. 

Yuri jumped off the desk and finally took a seat in his own, watching the door. 'You waiting for someone?' Yuuri asked, glancing between the door and the Russian. 

'No but I bet you are.' Yuri added slyly, looking back at a confused Yuuri.

'Huh?'

'Oh, you know what I'm talking about.' Yuri raised an eyebrow, one side of his mouth curving upwards. Yuuri still didn't understand, not at all. Or, at least, he didn't want to understand because the implications of that might have been a little too much. But, then again, his parents already caught on so why wouldn't Yuri. Yuri was a much more likely candidate to know about whatever he and Viktor were.

'You and Viktor?' He continued, turning his chair around to face Yuuri again. Yuuri shrugged, his face flushing red. He wouldn't let on, even if Yuri did know. Denial was better that openness at this point. 'You're really trying to deny this?' Yuri laughed, throwing his head back slightly- despite the anxiety coursing through him, he couldn't help but be glad that Yurio was letting himself loose just slightly. 'And I thought my relationship drama was bad.' At that, Yuuri's interest peaked but nothing came of it. Yuuri was the one under fire, not Yurio. It was too late to divert the attention off of himself.

'Viktor and I don't have relationship drama.' Yuuri denied, scowling. Yurio looked as smug as he felt as he watched the red creep onto Yuuri's cheeks heavier than it had before.

'Oh but you do, Katsudon.' Yurio watched Yuuri's movements. He twitched and fidgeted but still didn't give in. That was until Yuuri's eyes caught Yurio's. He couldn't deny it any longer. It was so evident that Yuri knew just as Yuuri did too. Yuuri denying it did nothing but cause the Russian to pester him more.

'Viktor doesn't know I like him so there's no relationship drama. He doesn't like me like that.' Yuuri sighed wistfully. His own denial had caught up with him. He really did believe that Viktor didn't have the same feelings. Those looks, those words, they all fell before they reached him. Yuuri looked up to see Yuuri's confused look. What had brought him from being so smug to looking like that, Yuuri had no idea.

Realisation hit like a bomb. 'Don't tell him I said that! Any of it!' Yuuri blurted out, his eyes wide and pleading. That was enough to bring that smug look back to Yurio, who laughed quietly. Although he didn't voice it, it was too late for that. Yuri had clearly stated to Viktor that Yuuri had a crush on him long ago at a time that even Viktor was denying his feelings.It felt odd to have to do it the other way around.

'I won't but you know, Viktor likes you too. But, for the sake of my well-being, don't act upon that. He's our teacher and my best friend, it's weird.' Yuuri knew that already, only replying with a curt nod. Yuuri couldn't decipher his own feelings. Hearing that Viktor liked him lit something within him, a spark that allowed a smile onto his face but then again, his own anxiety pushed down any hopes. Yuri was lying, he told himself. He was just trying to make him feel better.

He knew, really, that wasn't true.

Yuuri stared down at his desk with a permanent frown. He'd been doing so well lately so why now did he feel like he was falling back into his old routine. He could already sense that lunch would be something that would go uneaten, dinner most likely the same. He looked down at himself and suddenly, the fat seemed much more present than before.

Self-consciousness was something he had only just managed to ignore so why did it have its jaws dug into him again?

'Yuuri? Yuuri!' It was Yurio. He was thankful for the distraction. At least he knew that until he returned home, he would have something to drown out the demons with. He feared to leave now. Viktor soon arrived and gave Yuuri a firm hug. Yuuri wasn't quite sure why but accepted anyway, ignoring Yurio's scoffs in the background. The lesson started even sooner after that and the day flew by. As suspected, his lunch tray remained full and he didn't leave his bedroom when he got home.

Why now?


	28. ''I Want To Know What's Going On''

Viktor didn't remember having Lily's number on his phone but when it vibrated softly in his hand and the contact Lily (no emojis, just the name) appeared with a text only saying a meeting place and a time with the short addition of 'I want to talk', Viktor was beyond confused.

That said, he did only know one Lily and it was undoubtedly her. He doubted that a girl he might have met whilst completely out of it would have the audacity to text such a presumptuous text. So, he knew who texted him. Why? That was a harder question to answer. We need to talk could mean one of a thousand things and Viktor didn't even have enough English to cover them all.

He appeared at the destination, only a few minutes late, anyway. Lily was waiting for him, wearing the same thing she had been wearing in the day when he had passed her at school. It was closing into six o'clock and Viktor was very much looking forward to returning home and relaxing. He had brought Makka with him, they needed a walk and he wouldn't deny them the pleasure. Lily's face lit up when she saw them and couldn't help but coo at the ever-growing poodle.

Her face turned solemn as she looked upward to Viktor. Viktor couldn't know if he was correct but she looked on edge, her head moving a little too quickly and her fingers almost unnoticeably trembling.

'Hi, I'm glad you came.' She began with, motioning for him to take a seat opposite. They were sat outside a quaint little cafe, the sign slightly askew but the establishment itself was rather neat. Lily's drink had already been served and no waiter seemed to pay attention to the new man opposite so Viktor's hopes of a drink soon dissipated and his focus diverted to Lily again.

'Why am I here?' Viktor cut straight to the chase, sick of Lily's odd little meetings and impromptu questions. He had nothing against the girl but the more he talked to her, the more it seemed that she had an underlying motive. Viktor could already sense what it was.

It wouldn't be surprising if everyone knew something was going on between him and Yuuri.

Then again, he hadn't been fired. Yet.

Lily sighed, looking down at the table to avoid his eyes. Viktor, for the first time since Yuuri had been in that toilet stall, felt the urge to use his power again. Maybe just to force the answers out of her. Then again, she could stop speech- it wouldn't be surprising if she could do that to herself. Even his power could not contradict others powers that simply. When it got to that stage, it was a battle of wills. It was possible but didn't make for any fun.

'You and Yuuri, I want to know what's going on.' She looked up, staring him dead in the eye.

'It seems my guesses were correct.' He muttered, scowling. 'I'm surprised that you have the confidence to speak to my face about this.' Viktor continued, his mood sour. Viktor had no time for smiles, his face remained unimpressed. He found himself more comfortable in it than ever. He had been goofy ever since childhood and he didn't think he would ever lose that.

This mess had contradicted him.

Viktor had very much lost it. On occasions, it returned and he couldn't help but be glad. It let him forget about the chaos ensuing and for a moment he could be immature and think that only he mattered in the world and not about the people who relied on him or who he relied on himself. He could be arrogant if only for a second.

He didn't like this new Viktor. Despite feeling comfortable, he tended to overthink more often than not. Something that had never occurred before. He had been an airhead. So, why now was he on the verge to brooding himself to death.

'Surprised? Why's that?' She mimicked his attitude, losing her smile somewhere along the sentence. Both grasped for control but they found themselves at a stand off. Viktor was clearly in the wrong when it came to the whole ordeal. He was the one about to break the law.

In the murder, Lily was the victim of the crime- Viktor was the one holding that gun. But, that didn't mean that she hadn't done anything to drive his crimes on. Not all victims are innocent. Lily had let this happen, Lily had let Yuuri lean on Viktor's shoulder, Lily had been the one to urge Viktor to keep an eye on Yuuri.

They had talked since the very moment she had walked into the school and never once did she say he should step away. She said he was doing a good thing, helping him. And he was. Viktor was holding that gun, not to kill but to protect. He protected Yuuri, that's what he did.

He just didn't seem to realise what came with that. But, he did! It all went around in circles. Lily believed Viktor was naive but he knew perfectly well what he was doing, even if it was wrong.  
Viktor shivered in the breeze but didn't huddle into his coat as he usually would, deciding to hold his ground. Lily wasn't much better, her teeth chattering. But she wouldn't leave, not yet. 'Well, I thought this was between me and Yuuri. I didn't think you were involved at all.' Such passive aggression. Well used, though. He stated the truth. This was his mess to fix, not Lily's.  
'But I am, Viktor. You don't have it in you to fix this, that much is clear. I'm trying to help, even if you don't see that.' Viktor nodded, his face as blank as stone. Lily almost felt comforted, there wasn't any anger residing there. But oh, there was. Viktor was fuming.

Fuming because she was so close to the truth. If the truth and his thoughts were one in the same. Because, yes, Viktor wasn't sure that he could do this.

'I'm leaving.' Viktor sighed. He had no reason to stay. She was putting him down more than he already was himself and all that she stated he knew already. It wasn't her business, he decided. This was his life, he would take control.

Because that's what Viktor was best at, wasn't it? Control. His power was deep rooted in him or, no it wasn't, control was. The power was just a product of that. Viktor had never come across as a controlling character, it came out in his subtleties. The career choice, the stubbornness, the inability to leave someone in need.

He wasn't selfless, he was controlling.

Or maybe he was both.

Lily couldn't put a word out as Viktor tugged on Makka's leash and scampered off. The scowl remained implanted on his lips, his good mood seemingly unrecoverable. He continued to tug on the dog's leash, they didn't seem to want to move. Maybe Viktor's mood was felt by everyone.

He wanted to sit down, relax and forget the world around him. Easier said than done. The nearest spot was the park, he saw the benches from a mile away and sped towards them, collapsing dramatically onto the chipped wood. He sighed, trying to distract himself with his surroundings. It didn't help much, the world had turned dull. October meant little snow and few leaves, leaving nothing but a barren landscape that was simply ugly in Viktor's perspective.

He loves winter for the ice and summer for the sea. The seasons in between were nothing but a remained that the world can never remain the same even if it would seem better that way. Viktor huddled into his coat to avoid the biting winds, showing a vulnerability that he had hidden only moments ago.

Viktor couldn't help but wonder how it had come to this. Each week was a new story, sometimes chaos and other times order. It seemed everything would be fixed and then it would all fall apart. Maybe that was the problem, he couldn't have control because his life was ever changing. That was something no human could fix, especially not on with Viktor's story.

It was Yuuri's fault, undeniably. Viktor still blamed himself. Yuuri brought with him a trail of chaos that caused the boy's frequent outbursts. But, Viktor didn't care. Viktor welcomed the chaos if it meant that he got to see Yuuri.

Viktor, no matter how much he hated chaos, was drawn to it. A cruel curse designed to ruin him. Once again, he didn't care. Any curse was worth being with a Yuuri. Another curse in itself. Viktor couldn't pinpoint the moment he had become too attached to the shy, brown-eyed teenager nor could he tell when he had thrown away all rational judgement just to speak with him.  
Viktor had bee impulsive his entire life. Never had the consequences hit this hard.

'Yuuri! Over here!' A bunch of sixteen, maybe seventeen-year-olds, called. Viktor's head flew up, all attention drawn to the group sitting under the tree. There, with a group of friends, was Yuuri- that shy smile that drew Viktor in every time on his face.

Viktor's heart sank if only for the knowledge that he couldn't be there. He wasn't Yuuri's friend, he was Yuuri's teacher. He wasn't even supposed to have a relationship with Yuuri at all. It killed him. Yuuri was not his.

He never would be.


	29. ''This Is A Day Of Revelation!''

'Yuuri, over here!' Minami shouted, waving his arms frantically in the air, motioning Yuuri over. Yuuri couldn't hold back a shy smile as he watched Minami awe at him as if he were a god. He still didn't quite understand it and none of his friends had given him any help.

(Minami's often flushed cheeks should have been indicator enough)

Yuuri wrapped his coat carefully around him, the bulk of it enough to protect him from the cold. 'Please tell me why we picked to hang out in the park when it is this cold.' Takeshi complained, his only protection a thin, black bomber jacket that probably let more rather than less wind through.

'Don't complain, it's your fault for wearing that stupid jacket.' Yuuko chastised, Takeshi huffing in reply.

'What are we doing here anyway?' He groaned, scowling.

'It's a welcome Yuuri back celebration!' Minako cut in, her voice slightly too upbeat for Yuuri to bother listening in to. And then, realisation struck.

'Welcome Yuuri back celebration!?' They all nodded, facing him (apart from Takeshi, who seemed determined to remain scowling).

'We hadn't seen you in so long and you seemed really down lately so, we're here to say that whatever is happening, we are always here! And we also want to say welcome back to the group because this time, we are not letting you eat alone in the lunch hall no matter how much space you need.' Yuuko gave a pointed look at Minako, who had clearly been the one to vouch that they let Yuuri come to them. What a great plan that had been.

Yuuri was at a loss for words, that was tech sweetest anyone had been to him in so long. Although, the guilt that nagged him all so quietly suddenly became much more perceptible. He had forgotten about these guys. Who just forgot about their friends? He felt terrible.

'Oh no, Yuuri! Don't get so down! We don't mind, you needed your space and we let you have it.' Trust Yuuko to know exactly what was going through his mind. Yet, despite being dulled, that voice was still there telling him that he didn't need space. He needed people and he had still ignored them.

He had been so focused on Viktor, Yurio, his powers.

'What have you been doing without us anyway?' Takeshi was still scowling and Yuuri couldn't help but feel a little intimidated. Not that he was scared, he had seen Yurio growl enough times to never be scared but intimidation was a whole different spectrum.

'Heh, well, that's quite a long story, actually.' Yuuri mumbled, scratching the back of his head nervously. No one said anything. They kept their eyes on him and that was enough urging for Yuuri to break. He needed to tell someone and these people had already earned his trust. He wouldn't tell them everything but he needed to get a few things off his chest.

'You know Mr Nikiforov?' He asked, getting four nods in reply. Despite being friends, none of them were doing Russian and would have only seen Viktor. 'Um, he's been helping me with a few things. Namely my power.'

There was an audible gasp coming from Minami, who looked like he was mid-worship. 'Are you finally going to tell us what your power is?!' He clapped his hands together, leaning forward as if every word he spoke was sacred. Now, this was what scared Yuuri. Being worshipped was something he had never had before. Even Viktor didn't worship him, per se. Or, so he thought.

'Um, not exactly but I told Viktor something and I'm going to tell you but you can't tell anyone. Enough people in the world know about it already and I'd rather it didn't spread.' They nodded, their faces set and determined.

'I was born without a power. Yes, I was that boy you heard about on the news. There were no pictures so not many people know it's me but yeah, it is. That was until a couple weeks ago. We're still trying to work it out seeing as I developed it so late. There have been a few problems and that's really what got me so down along with a breakup on top of that-'

'You were dating someone?!' Minako interrupted, placing both of her hands on Yuuri's shoulders, shaking him lightly. 'Tell me who it was!!!' Yuuri laughed nervously. Yurio was well known around the school...but not in a good way.

'Yuri?' More of a question than a statement but the point was proven either way. A collective gasp came from around the circle and Yuuri had to hold in a laugh as he heard whispers of 'did he just say Yuri...as in Yuri Plisetsky?' and 'YURI!?'

Yuuri released a breath and looked up to meet the onslaught of eyes watching him. 'Repeat?' Yuuko asked, her face looking more fearful than anything.

'Yuri. As in, Yuri Plisetsky.' Another gasp echoed around the huddle and Yuuri couldn't help but let out a quiet, breath-filled laugh.

'The angry little Russian kid?' Minako assured, her eyes as wide as saucers. Yuuri let out another quiet laugh and nodded, more sure of himself. He forgot how people he had told. He had been wrapped up in his little world so much that he had forgotten about everything else.

He didn't let himself dwell on the selfishness of that fact.

'OMG! I can't believe you, Yuuri! Why!?' Minako broke out, frantically checking over Yuuri as if Yurio had recently injured him. Laughing again, Yuuri gently pried her off.

'It doesn't matter, it's over now. We're still friends but just that. I think he likes Otabek anyway.' Yuuri spoke as if it didn't matter, it didn't. Not yet, anyway.

'You like boys?' The statement shook Yuuri down to the core. He forgot how few people knew that too. He wasn't even sure of it himself yet. His brain was so confused. But, then again, he had gone out with a boy, that said as much as it needed to didn't it?

The voice was Minami and despite Yuuri's fear, it sounded more like he was proud of it than against it (though, there was a disappointment that Yuuri couldn't quite wrap his head around).

'Yeah, I do.' Yuuri said, scratching his head again- a nervous twitch. The group just smiled.

'That's great! I'm glad you could tell us!' Minako smiled, wrapping her arms around Yuuri, quickly pulling away again. Minako was definitely not a hug kind of person.

The chatter then returned to normal and Yuuri felt himself relax again. He was glad that they hadn't made a big deal of it. He had told them and they had accepted it as if it was nothing. Because that's what it should be. No big deal. Yuuri couldn't be more glad for it.

It was getting late and when Yuuri looked at the time, his phone screen blaring into his eyes causing him to wince slightly, he saw it was just passed eight o'clock. He would have to return home soon. He sighed, he didn't want to go home. In all of this, he had forgotten for a while about the rest of his life and he had had his first slice of peace he'd had in a while.

'Do you and Mr Nikiforov know each other well then?' Minami asked, the conversation seeming to have died down as Yuuri lost himself to his head and now all attention had been diverted back to him and he couldn't help but blush at the thought of telling them.

What was he even supposed to say?

'Um, yeah, I guess. He's helped me a lot and I see him a tonne so yeah...' Yuuri trailed off, unsure of his words. His words came out stilted, the gaps between word awkward, his pauses slightly too long. His friends grasped onto this and once again, he was caught under the rapid fire of their speculation.

'Something has to be going on here! Omg! This so so exciting!' Yuuko squeaked, excitedly clapping her hands together.

'He's a teacher, Yuuko! Of course, nothing's going on, right Yuuri?' Minami asked, his eyes pleading and wide. It was still a surprise that Minami was any older than ten.

Yuuri's nod came a little too late.

Minami's eyes opened further. 'This is a day of revelation!' Yuuko squealed again, reeled in by the drama. Yuuko had always been a gossip, only coming after the king of it- Phichit Chulamont. She didn't spread rumours but she did harbour plenty of vital information about vital people in the school, despite not being that popular overall.

'Tell us the details, Yuuri! Pleeease.' She begged, coming closer, leaning on her hands to try and move closer, her eyes wide: a real life puss in boots act being performed. Yuuri complied and told the story, missing out what he needed to. Everything from the crush to the clues of reciprocation to Yurio and then to their little lunch time chats.

He amazed everyone and for the first time in so long, he felt like he belonged somewhere. These people were his friends and he was finally beginning to believe it. He wasn't going to abandon them anymore.

He had another group to rely on and for what was coming, he would need it.


	30. ''YOU IDIOTS!''

Yuuri, for the first time in months, was feeling confident. He had been veering towards the dark tunnel again and somewhere along the road, he had driven past it. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. He tried not to think of the inevitable crash at the end of his drive.

Lunchtime was in session and after eating lunch with his friends, he had left to go see Viktor, his friends whistling suggestively as he left. Despite the embarrassment, he couldn't help but be amused at his friends' antics. 

Viktor was in the classroom when he arrived, not that he had expected any different, but looked unusually shocked when Yuuri walked in. 'Yuuri! I thought you weren't going to come, you were late.' The goofy Viktor was back and Yuuri let out a relieved sigh. Throughout all the problems recently, Viktor's self seemed to be dulled and Yuuri couldn't help but blame himself for the transition. He seemed that he had nothing to worry about. The smile seemed true enough.

Enough.

'Oh yeah, well, um. I ate lunch with some friends before I came here.' Maybe Viktor was right, Yuuri probably didn't need him anymore. 'But, I wanted to talk to you before afternoon lessons start.' Viktor nodded, his smile not as wide as before. Viktor hid his emotions well but not well enough.

Again, enough.

'Well, you're bi, right? I want to know, how did you tell your parents?' Viktor's eyes widened but his smile grew just a bit, was this what he thought it was? Was Yuuri finally doing it. I mean, Viktor knew about his sexuality by now, he was sure many people did but telling his parents was a big step as well as being a validation to Viktor. Yuuri had never outright said it or at least, when he did, never with so much confidence.

He finally sounded like he believed in himself.

Viktor couldn't be more grateful.

'I was quite outright about it but they had known long before I told them. I was never subtle. I simply stated it at dinner, they nodded and that was the end of it.' Viktor paused, the night flashing quickly before him. That was not how it went exactly but he liked to pretend.

He told the truth in most factors but his parents' reaction...it had been more than just a simple nod. Yet, they still helped him out financially, did they not? That was enough. That showed their love, right?

And, they said Yuuri was the naive one.

'But, I can tell you a few things. Your parents love you and however you tell them, they won't mind. Be confident in yourself and all will be okay. My parents aren't the most understanding of people but they came to terms with it almost immediately and knowing your parents, they won't see you any differently for it.' Viktor smiled, trying to push down the guilt of lying to Yuuri's face once again. But, if it instilled hope, Viktor would be glad to do it again.

A white lie never hurt anybody.

'Thanks.' Yuuri whispered, looking up through black lashes with a small smile. 'I think I'm going to tell them soon.' Viktor smiled back, giving as much reassurance as he could. He jumped off the desk he sat on and approached Yuuri, who was sitting on the desk opposite. 

Viktor approached and stopped when he was only inches away from Yuuri. He was standing close, a little too close. Anticipation drove Yuuri's heart wild. It beat erratically, feeling like it wanted to do nothing less than escape its cage and splatter Viktor in the love he deserved. The love that Yuuri didn't believe he could give.

Viktor almost didn't know what to say. He didn't understand why he had approached. As he so often did, he had acted on impulse. He let in those thoughts of Yuuri and had ended up so close that their breaths touched. If their hearts were strong enough to beat out of their chests, Viktor was sure they would be touching in the middle. 

'You don't know how brave you are, Yuuri.' It came out so suddenly, no louder than a whisper. Quiet enough to send a shiver down Yuuri's spine. 

'Brave?' He whispered in return, his voice quiet enough to hide the slight tremble in his voice. Yuuri didn't trust it, he knew he often blurted out things he didn't mean. Now was not the time.  
'Uh huh.' Viktor assured, the h's blowing small bouts of breath onto Yuuri. 'Braver than anyone I've ever met.'

'Coming out is something that people do every day, Viktor.' Yuuri replied, blocking the compliments as if they were a disease but Viktor wouldn't have it, Yuuri needed to understand.   
'Not that. Well, that too. But, everything. Your entire life. You've fought absolutely everything. You've gone through highs and lows and now, look at you. You're finally accepting yourself, Yuuri. And, I couldn't be more proud. You're so brave, please, don't ever forget that.' Viktor finished with a large breath, a gentle smile on his face. They leant together, their lips so close that the friction between them was almost palpable.

'I don't understand how you think that.' Yuuri whispered, his insecurities getting the better of him.

'I don't understand how you can't.' Viktor's arms wrapped around Yuuri's neck. Neither understood what was happening. Their hearts beat as one and they closed in. Their lips still remained apart and both were attacked by that slight hesitance. But Yuuri didn't pull away.

They were the earth and the moon, trapped in an ever-lasting orbit, never quite able to pull away enough to free themselves. They rocked back and forth between love and fear but they always ended up in the same place.

Here.

Yuuri gently brought his arms up and around Viktor in reply, testing the position before settling into it. He looked up, watching the eyes that had trailed him for so long. Their foreheads gently touched and suddenly, their lips were no less than millimetres from each other. They breathed heavily, the anticipation getting the better of them.

Their hearts beat the drum of them, the patterns not the same but together, a harmony worth listening to. They made a song of silence and neither had the heart to think rationally about it.

Their lips brushed, a feather-light touch to both of them. Viktor leant in for more...

'YOU IDIOTS!' Yurio was at the door and that growl was less than happy.

Yuuri let it sink in, what he was going to do. What he wanted to do.

F*ck. 


	31. ''Phichit, You Didn't''

Yuuri left without turning back. He didn't even have time to recover before the bell went. Looking down at his phone which flashes his timetable into his face, he thought he was going to be sick. Next, Russian.

He could skip.

Yes, he could definitely skip.

Except, he couldn't. Yuuri was behind enough as it is. So, with a heavy sigh and shaky limbs, he returned to the classroom where it looked to be that Viktor and Yurio were having a heated discussion whilst the other students flooded in. People tried to eavesdrop but even if they were lucky enough to be able to hear, the entire conversation was in complex Russian that even Yuuri couldn't wrap his head around.

Yuuri knew exactly what they were talking about but didn't make any attempts to look at either of them. Out of fear of Yurio, he kept his eyes trained to his desk and made sure to never look at Viktor. Not out of fear but because if he were to look up, he was sure that he would continue what had been about to happen before.

No matter how much it repulsed him.

Viktor was his teacher, this was illegal. Yet, he wanted it so badly. Yuuri didn't have time to wallow in his own pity because lessons had begun again and despite the thick tension in the room, Russian went by quickly and Yuuri couldn't help but sprint out when the bell went. The rest of his classes weren't so bad and he was glad when the end of the day came about fast.

Now, he only had one task on his mind.

The thoughts attacked him like knives. He walked home and tried to let himself be distracted by the steps of his feet and the steady ins and outs of his breathing. It didn't help, not at all. Despite the reassurances, this felt like an impossible feat.

He knew his parents, he knew they would love him whatever happened. But, he couldn't help but fear what happened next. Acceptance was inevitable; as was change. The way they acted, the way they thought of him, it could all change. And, even if it wasn't visible, it would come out in the subtleties of their actions, he was sure of it.

It set him on edge. He needed ground right now. Change threw him off balance. He couldn't do that, he was on a tightrope hundreds of metres from the ground. One push and he was plummeting. Just as he had before.

The brisk pace brought no comfort and only returned him home faster than he would have liked. His breathing, although quick, remained steady and he refused to let the thoughts of terror in. He could do this, yes, he could definitely do this.

He opened the door, took a deep breath and stepped inside. He pushed all his troubles away, the incident with Viktor no more than a little nagging in the back of his mind now. He had to do this right or not all, not for them but for himself.

'Yuuri! Is that you?' His mother called, no doubt from the kitchen. Impulsively, he nodded before realising that would do no help and called out a quiet 'yeah, it's me.' His mother soon rushed out and smiled.

'You'll be eating with us tonight, won't you Yuuri?' His mother asked gently, still hesitant in asking but Yuuri gave her a confident nod and he could see the relief on her face as he confirmed it. Yuuri was back to eating, hopefully for good this time. And despite knowing that a diet at some point was probably inevitable, he would still have to eat. Starving himself would do no good. But, he tried not to think ahead. He knew that on a few occasions, he would skip meals if it were a bad enough day but for now, everything seemed calm and so was he.

He was becoming more confident by the second because if he didn't say now, he didn't think he would ever. This had to come out.

His mother turned back to the kitchen but Yuuri quickly called out to her, 'dad and Mari are going to be there too, right?' His mother smiled and nodded before scurrying off to check on the food. Yuuri took another deep breath and hastily walked to his room, got changed into something a little more comfortable and went downstairs to find the rest of his family already at the table.

'Hi, Yuuri, how was school?' His father asked as he sat down at the table, still not quite used to sitting on a chair and not on the floor- his childhood had almost drilled him into it.

'Good.' Yuuri mumbled, a flash of images appearing before him. All of which he ignored. The curve of Viktor's lip was nothing to think about in front of his parents. Nor was Yurio's furious face. After seeing him smile for so long, Yuuri can't help but feel that he'd gone too far.

He had.

He knew that.

He just wished it wasn't like that.

'Yuuri, are you okay?' Mari asked as the food was laid out in front of them. Yuuri nodded, his heart falling. Now was as good as a time as any. He waited for all the food to be dished out and his mother to sit down, though, before he could speak up. He made sure to get it out before any conversation struck.

'Um...I wanted to say something.' He announced, drawing all eyes to him. He felt the eyes like a weight but shook it off, took another breath and held his head high. If he wasn't going to be accepted, he would do it with dignity. (Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that would never happen.)

'I don't want you guys to think of me any differently but...I'm gay.' Silence. Another beat. A smile.

'That's great, honey! I'm surprised you didn't say sooner!' His mother laughed and Yuuri looked up in surprise to see his entire family smiling back at him reassuringly. Well, that couldn't have gone better.

'Any boyfriends?' His mother continued, wiggling her eyebrows up and down suggestively. Yuuri didn't know what to answer. Because, really, he didn't. Although, he had something with someone. Kind of. He really wasn't sure anymore. So, in place of any real answer, he just shrugged. That may not have been the way to go about it.

But, if any details were asked, he could always say he was still with Yurio.

'That's great, Yuuri! Who is it?!' Mari squealed excitedly, ready to taunt her brother for months to come.

'I didn't say I had one.' He defended, the blush on his face a little too red to pass off as due to the embarrassment of having to come out.

'Oh, but you do!' She clapped excitedly but with a warning look from his mother, she soon calmed and they continued to eat, diverting the conversation from Yuuri. Something he couldn't be more glad for. Too much attention and he would be falling off the tightrope. It seemed nowadays that anything could push him off. Not that it was going to happen anytime soon. Yuuri was on a rollercoaster at the moment but at least he knew that on a rollercoaster, there was no danger of falling off- even if he was scared out of his wits.

Dinner passed quickly and Yuuri was soon pacing back to his room, the leftover nerves buzzing inside of him. He walked back and forth, trying to release the pent up energy but found nothing worked.

Then, as if on cue, his phone lit up. One notification, Phichit Chulamont. With a vague interest, he unlocked his phone and scrolled through his phone until he found the message: you free?

Without a reply, Yuuri pressed the call button on the corner of the screen and watched as Phichit's face appeared. 'Hiya!' The boy shouted, his black hair falling into his face as he spoke with his usual delight (Phichit was never one to keep his voice down... unless required. Which, it quite often was when gossip came round his way.)

'Hey, Phichit.' Yuuri replied in his usual shy smile but gracing the other boy with a small smile of reassurance to at least say he was okay.

'So, what's been going on in your life?' He began, ready to cling onto every single one of Yuuri's words. Phichit's information retaining abilities were amazing...unless it was academic, which he seemed to lack quite a bit. It was a shame, really.

'Well, um, I just came out to my parents?' He wasn't sure how he had managed to make such a clear statement into a question but in his usual manner, he couldn't find it within himself to be clear. Although, Phichit was used to it by now and was soon clapping his hands together excitedly.

'Congrats, Yuuri! I'm proud of you.' That, at least, brought a smile to Yuuri's face. 'And in light of this news, I have some news for you too.' Phichit continued, a sly smile stuck on his face. Now, Yuuri was interested. 'Well, you know, it's my school break for the next few weeks a~nd, with a bit of begging, I managed to do something that you might not believe.' Yuuri waited cluelessly, squinting at the screen to see what Phichit was doing. All he saw was half a body, mostly out of frame, rustling through some drawers.

'Found it!' Phichit cheered, running up to the camera and holding up a single piece of card up.

'Is that what I think it is?' Yuuri asked in disbelief.

'I know it's school time and all but I really wanted to see you so! Wallah! Plane tickets to Chicago.'

'Phichit, you didn't.' Yuuri denied, rendered practically speechless.

'Oh yes, I did.'

'You didn't.'

'Uh huh.'

'No.' Silence fell and Yuuri took the time for it to set in. 'You're actually coming here...you're actually coming here!' Yuuri shouted excitedly, his mouth still hanging open. Phichit joined in on the squealing until Yuuri's mother walked in, a curious- almost worried- look on her face.

'Are you okay, Yuuri?'

'Mum! Mum, guess what?!' Yuuri ran up to her, almost tripping over his own feet in his delirium of excitement.

'What, honey?' She asked, giving him a sweet smile.

'Phichit's coming to Chicago!' He squealed, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

'That's wonderful!' Yuuri's mother looked almost as excited as he was. Hiroko, walking up to the phone, picked it up and addressed Phichit himself. 'I can't wait to see you again and know, we have a spare room if you need it.' Phichit smiled and waved Hiroko goodbye and returned his attention to Yuuri.

Yuuri lay back on the bed, on his stomach, straining his neck a bit to look up at his phone. Phichit was smiling and so was he. 'You know, Yuuri. This whole call...you look a lot happier than usual.' Phichit observed, a serious look crossing his face for no longer than a second. Yuuri understood, he was finally clambering out of the hole he had fallen into and he found himself happier than he had been in literal years.

'I am.' He confirmed, a smile shying its way onto his face. The boys, in silence, just remained like that. Smiling and making small talk, there was no need for anything else. Because, for once, Yuuri was happy.

And, within it all, he hadn't thought about Viktor once.

Maybe, just maybe, there was a correlation.


	32. ''No Blackmail? No Deal? Nothing.''

The headmaster was a serious looking man. His neatly parted blonde hair and light, blue eyes caused many to mistake him for younger and much less experienced than he actually was. A lack of funding had caused him to make a few irrational decisions along the way but overall, he did a better job at running a school than most.

His thick eyebrows drew together as he thought over the situation, looking between the two sitting opposite him. One looking far too anxious, the other looking like the king of the world. Well, he shouldn't have expected differently, Yuri Plisetsky wasn't one to show any emotion that could somehow portray weakness.

'Mr Smith, in my defence-'

'No, Miss Morley, there is no excuse. It is explicitly stated that no teacher can use their power on a student unless full consent is given beforehand or in a case of an emergency. It is quite clear here that what you did was unnecessary and although it was not dangerous, I cannot tolerate it.' Mr Smith took a deep breath and turned to addressed Yuri who looked a little too pleased with having the ability to get Miss Morley in trouble.

'Yuri, there is only one thing that I think hasn't been answered and that's why you didn't tell someone sooner. It has been a while since the incident. Was there something that stopped you?' The arrogance that had once surrounded the boy seemed to dissipate in seconds. He suddenly looked as timid as the teacher beside him. Something was wrong and Mr Smith couldn't help but be curious as to what it was.

'Nothing stopped me, I was just...busy.' The excuse couldn't even be suspected as truth. It was clear enough that Yuri had no idea of what he was saying, spewing out the first thing that came to mind. Not that it was really anything that he said. He was being ambiguous and vague on purpose. Mr Smith was even more intrigued.

'So nothing was done to stop you from telling anyone? No blackmail? No deal? Nothing.' Mr Smith reiterated, making his original plan clearer. Yuri nodded and stood up to take his leave. Mr Smith motioned him out, returning his attention to Lily, his face downcast.

Yuri made a point in walking out slowly, trying to catch onto the next few words but after a few steps, Mr Smith paused, glanced over at him, causing him to rush out like an animal being shot at. Yuri still let out a small sigh of relief when he left the office. Despite having a little pride for managing to at least damage Lily's reputation, he couldn't help but be glad that he was free of the crushing tension. No doubt that if Lily was not leaving the school, he was in for a life of misery under her. Art was bad enough as it was. Who had the right to say that his drawings of cats were nothing to do with their theme: holidays.

It was a stupid topic anyway.

Yuri stalked down the abandoned hallways, flinching at the creaking doors and fluttering windows. The entire school was empty, they had been in the office past even when clubs ended. They had to have a detailed discussion on what went on and possible action that had to be taken as well as having a long, dull argument about whether Lily had any reason to do what she did. Which she didn't. Shutting him up was simply for her own selfish reasons. Not that Yuri should really have complained: silencing him had done no harm but he was more than a little happy that such a minor thing could have major consequences.

Lily would very likely be fired and the trio- Yuri, Yuuri and Viktor- would finally be free of her. A short-lived period of chaos might have finally been coming to an end. She seemed so content in inflicting them all with at least a little misery and without her, he hoped everything would be okay again.

Of course, he wasn't really all that right. Lily was by no means the cause of any of their problems. She simply caused their emotions to fluctuate from sad to depressed. Suddenly, Yuri's mind flicked to Yuuri and Viktor. He could see the delight on their faces that Lily was leaving and suddenly Yuri almost felt him regretting his decision.

The incident flashed before him. They were about to kiss, the idiots. Did they not realise what they were doing and the implications of that?

He wasn't sure what he felt at all, in all seriousness. His mind was split in half. He was grateful that Yuuri had moved on, he was grateful that Yuuri had found someone who was happy. But, Viktor wouldn't be the one to do that forever. First love was never last love. Even in the realistically impossible act that they did get married and live the rest of their lives together, they wouldn't be happy forever. Everyone moves on, even if in old age.

Yuri didn't want to claim it as jealousy. No, that would be petty of him. He wasn't Yuuri's. He didn't like Yuuri as anything more than a friend. So why, now, did he feel like it was a necessity for the pair to be apart.

It made sense, really. The pairing itself was illegal, there was nothing more to it. But, Yuri knew that there was something more bothering him. Something past the bounds of the law. For now, he could let that guide him. Rules were there for a reason, even if it meant keeping some people apart. It was for others safety, he was sure of that.

Yuri denied that what he was feeling was envy. He denied that that was what he wanted. Well, not exactly that. He knew the pig's problems and he would never wish it upon anyone. But, a relationship. Now, that was something that he was looking into more.

Otabek.

He shuddered at the thought.

Otabek. The guy that had rejected him, quite forcefully at that. But then, the man that came back begging for forgiveness. The man that wanted to at least be friends. Yuri was so close to giving in but his pride kept him away. Not that he had much pride. He was approaching his breaking point and with Otabek on his mind, he felt as if he had already broken.

He sighed, finally reaching the front doors and walking into the light, hissing slightly at the burning light. He hadn't realised how dingy that office was until he had sat in it for a few hours.

He looked back, thinking of Lily who was still stuck in the hell. He couldn't find it within himself to feel bad but he did know one thing, he had probably just ridden himself of his only hope.

Yuuri and Viktor couldn't be together. Lily was the only one who had had the power to fix that. Now, there was no chance. No, not yet.


	33. ''Friends?''

Yuri didn't have time to speak to Viktor and Yuuri the next day. It was the one day that he did not have any lessons with Viktor and as it happened, he was too tied up to see him anyway.

'Yuri!' Otabek called from behind him, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and quickly making his way over to Yuri. Yuri continued walking albeit at a faster pace. 'Yuri!' Otabek called again but Yuri did well in pretending he didn't hear. That was until Mila Babicheva of all people placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. She leant down carefully until her mouth was against his ear whilst Otabek fought through the crowd to reach him.

'Have fun with my boyfriend, little fairy.' She sneered and tugged his shoulder back. Yuri, flailing, fell backwards into the crowd. Or, so he thought. Thinking someone would just push him back to his feet as he stumbled, he let himself fall. But, when a strong pair of arms held him up, Yuri realised just what Mila was doing.

'Are you alright, Yuri?' Otabek spoke down at him, pushing him upwards and releasing him from his grip. Yuri turned around, growling when the look on Otabek's face shut him up. It was as calm as usual, not a twitch to his eye or a quirk to his lip, he was the personification of calm. The calm was eerie. He had been expecting pity or humour or anything. But, blankness.

Yuri liked blankness. There was no judgement, no fear, nothing. Just Otabek.

'What did you want, Otabek?' He sighed, crossing his arms defensively.

'Oh, so you did hear me?' He asked and Yuri couldn't decipher the sarcasm from the true curiosity.

'Um. Yes?' Yuri didn't know what else he was supposed to say. He looked around awkwardly to see a group of onlookers sending daggers at the pair and, in the very middle, the scowling b*tch: Mila. 'Otabek, they're looking at us.' Yuri whispered, looking back to the man whose eyes had been drawn to the exact same place.

'Let's go somewhere more private.' Otabek gave nothing of his emotions away and despite the kindling anger in his stomach, Yuri let himself be dragged away from the crowd and into a place where they could enjoy some peace.

Yuri didn't notice the turns they were taking nor did he have the energy to figure out where they were going. He felt sleep deprived and bored and it was only lunch. He wasn't sure how he was going to make it through the rest of the day.

When Yuri finally took notice of their position, they were standing under a tall oak tree, it's leaves casting a dark shadow over the two. Yuri ignored the cold and huddled up by the tree, Otabek following suit.

They sat in silence, watching the leaves sway in the wind. Winter was steadily on its way home, leaving the blossoming leaves of Spring and Yuri awed as the sunlight seeped through and hit the two boys under the tree.

Sticking a hand out, Yuri watched as the light beams darted across his skin, dancing and twirling like a ballet on his hand. Otabek watched him with a guarded expression as the corners of his lips quirked up and the innocence that had once been stripped of him returned.

Yuri almost forgot Otabek was there. It was nice to be in silence again. He missed it. He wished that he could pause time and revel in it forever. He didn't want to return. He didn't want to go to work. He didn't want to go to school. He didn't want to be independent. He just wanted to be.

He wanted to be a teenager who didn't have to worry at all.

'Yuri?' Otabek asked quietly, fracturing the peace like the flapping of a butterflies wing.

'Hm?' Yuri looked up, dazed, sleep slowly taking over his body leaving him lethargic and drowsy. He watched as the light continued to dance, over his arms, his legs and to Otabek. A small patch of sun pooled over Otabek's right eye, making the deep brown glisten.

'I wanted to talk about before.' Yuri tore his eyes from Otabek and watched his legs quiver as the wind brushed by.

'What about it?' Yuri sighed, clasping his hands together and fiddling. A nervous twitch he'd had since he was young.

'I want to apologise again. And, I don't want this to end in an argument again. I want to explain myself.' Otabek's face still remained impassive, the emotion pouring into his speech and not his body. Yuri didn't talk but Otabek took that as an opening. If Yuri wasn't running, it was hope.

'Mila and I. We were...in denial. We'd been going out for two years and somewhere in the middle, we realised that we had no reason to be together. We spoke rarely, we had no attraction to each other and we were young, there was no reason to stay together. Except, popularity. It was our ruin. Somewhere along the way, she set her eyes on women just as I set my eyes on men. She has never admitted to liking women but when I came out as bisexual, she was less than happy. So, I suppressed it. I like women too, I could be with them until I was free of the hell that we call school.' Otabek paused taking a breath, looking over to Yuri, his eyes solemn. Yuri refused to meet his eyes. He hadn't come for a sob story but he had gotten one anyway and he couldn't pry his ears away.

'It was fine, we both ignored the fracture between us and continued to be what we were titled: the king and queen of the school. People were oblivious to our separation just as we were oblivious to our feelings. Somewhere along the way, I stopped caring. Not just about Mila...about everything.' Yuri looked up at Otabek, looking at his impassive face and found the one thing he wanted to do was put a smile on that face. And, a fist on Mila's.

'Then, you came. You came and sat next to me and I thought I could ignore you and then you kept on talking and I got more and more frustrated. You brought something out in me. You brought out some sort of emotion and I don't care that it was anger. It was something. It was something that had been stripped of me so long before. And then, you shouted and stormed out and before I knew it, Mila had approached me.' Yuri watched Otabek's face carefully, glad that he didn't recite his words. There was no need for that now.

'She dragged me outside. Here, actually. She shouted at me that I was cheating and then, by impulse, I said it was over. She was mad, really mad. She said she was going to tell the entire school that I was gay- even if that isn't technically the correct term- and that I played her. She's setting everyone against me.' Otabek paused and Yuri wondered if it was the end. If it was, it wasn't a very good explanation.

Otabek looked down at Yuri, locking his eyes on his. Yuri squirmed away but held the gaze if only for his pride. 'Yuri, you are the only person that can make me feel a thing and I apologise for being rude. I was scared of what would happen. And then, it did happen and I'm not scared anymore. I don't really care because now I have a chance to be friends with you and that's more than I could have hoped for before.'

Yuri's eyes widened and he took a deep breath, watching Otabek's bold eyes. The eyes of a soldier, just like his. 'I...I don't know what to say.' Yuri whispered, his facade breaking down before his very eyes.

They were the same in many ways. Otabek had resolved to be impassive to life whilst Yuri had taken his turn to be angry with it. But, with each other, they failed. They failed and they loved it. It felt like freedom. Yuri understood why Yuuri had to end it. Freedom. It was all so they could have their freedom and take the path that they wanted to take whether it be the right one or the wrong one.

'Not much. How about we leave it at this. Friends?' Otabek held out his hand, letting Yuri grasp it hesitantly. They shook on it.

'Friends.' Yuri confirmed.


	34. ''I'm Fine''

Yuuri didn’t quite believe everything that had happened. The smile tugged at his lips as he tried to fall into sleep. The blanket around him was cosy and warm; he felt at peace. The darkness was welcoming and left his mind with room to think. He had plenty to think about.

His mind flew back and he thought of the supporting arms around him as Viktor had leant in. He couldn't find it within himself to be guilty about it. He hadn't felt that happy in so long and despite the interruption, the moment was practically perfect. Yuuri blinked and tried to focus on the objects through the darkness but came up with no more than a blank canvas. Even the moonlight pouring in from behind the curtains was not enough to leave a white stain on the floor.

Yuuri knew what he did was wrong. Yuuri had always known that. He felt his heart palpitations quicken and his panic surfacing. Yet, it never quite made it. He never let the smile fall from his face. It remained ingrained. It was his shield. He didn't panic, in fact, he felt rather giddy.

Sometimes breaking the rules was worth it.

The consequences would be minimal. It didn't have to lead to anything, did it? It could be that moment and that moment alone. It didn't have to lead to anything. Yuuri told himself. He had become adept to tricking his mind into believing things by now, this would be no different.

He tried not to think about the wrongness of it all. The age gap wasn't large but it was definitely odd. He tried to think of it from Viktor's perspective. Yes, definitely weird. But, something was there. Something real. This wasn't exploitation, this wasn't abusive. They both felt these things. There was nothing one sided about this, Yuuri had to admit that to himself now. He couldn't trick himself into believing Viktor's feelings weren't there. They were. Suppressed but there.

Yuuri sat up, scraping his black hair from his forehead and felt at the chipped wallpaper of his room for the light switch. His fingers brushed it and quickly he flicked the switch and the room burst into light. Wincing, he aimed his eyes for the clock and saw that it wasn't all that late. He had school the next day but he was sure an hour's walk would do no harm. If he stayed here, he didn't think he would sleep at all, anyway.

Blindly searching, squinting to protect himself from the harsh overhead light, he found an acceptable outfit and rushed out into the much dimmer corridor. Suddenly, as he found his way through the dark corridors, he found himself trapped again. Here he was thinking about his relationship with his teacher and almost decade elder. Here he was thinking it wasn't all that bad.

It made him happy.

But, he couldn't.

Yuuri knew that. He should never have expected that he could have any kind of happiness. But, what if just grasped it? What if he reached out and put his frail fingers around the one thing that was secure? The one thing that made him happy.

'Mum?' He called out quietly, the response coming as a short hum from the kitchen. His mother was still there. She loved cooking but tended to make a lot of stress for herself by preparing things until it was far too late. She could have been a chef if she had chosen too but she had found that her hobby was just that, a hobby.

'Are you alright, dear?' She asked, sending Yuuri a kind but tired smile. He only just noticed how prominent the circles under her eyes were. Was that him?

'Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just going to go out for an hour or two. I'll be back soon.' He told her, already half way out of the doorway when the response came. She had already given up on keeping him home and called out a quick 'be careful' before he was out of the front door.

The breeze came as a blessing. It calmed him again and his thoughts went back on track. Maybe it was just better to not think of Viktor at all. Yuuri was terrible at this but maybe it was better to just see how things went. He couldn't control the future, even if he could see it. Sometimes. Even now, the topic of his power was shaky and nothing was coming from the lunch time practices.

He was better off not thinking about that either.

Yuuri found himself walking towards the park, his pace brisk to protect himself from the chill around him. Even if it was calming, the breeze had settled into his bones and he was shivering slightly. He had been smart enough to put a coat on but even that was not enough.

He looked up. It was November. His birthday was rapidly approaching. His eighteenth. Did that make all this okay? No. Viktor was still his teacher. Viktor was still off-limits. It seemed so odd. Viktor didn't act older. Viktor's best friend was in the same class as Yuuri himself and his maturity was that of a small child's. Viktor could almost be mistaken for younger than Yuuri. Of course, he wasn't, and attitude did not change the law.

The park approached and the lights lining the streets became more frequent. The trees loomed over him, casting darker shadows creating a faux cloudy night despite the clear sky and twinkling stars. Yuuri could see each and every one of them, glimmering bright in the darkness. It was beautiful.

He hadn't found himself thinking that recently.

He had forgotten about the simple pleasures. It was nice to have that back. He made his way to the main walkway of the park, a long sandy pathway that ran from one side to the other. It was a small park and it was easy to see from one side to the other but it still made for a nice place to walk through when you needed to sort out your thoughts.

And, that was just what Yuuri needed to do.

He ambled down, looking up at the tall oak trees and let himself listen to the sounds: the birds chirping, the kick of the gravel under his boot and the rustle of the leaves in the wind.

About half way down the path, he finally looked up and spotted a shadow on the bench. It was a human figure, shrouded in darkness. Yuuri felt a chill in his bones but didn't do much, keeping his pace the same and trying to keep his breathing even. There was no reason to be afraid. It wasn't that late. It was dark, sure, but it wasn't until much later that it would be dangerous. He hoped.

Approaching the figure, he found himself relaxing. As well as becoming irrevocably anxious. The platinum hair was all too familiar, as was the long trench coat that bunched around the man from where he sat on the slightly crooked, wooden bench.

Viktor looked downcast but peaceful. Maybe he had decided the outdoors was the best thing to keep his mind at ease? What if he had been thinking just what Yuuri was thinking? The odd sense of deja vu hit him hard but he couldn't quite place why. He ignored the feeling and focused on Viktor's silhouette as he walked by.

The man looked up, his hair falling back and his blue eyes glimmering in the moonlight. They caught each other's gaze but there was no reason to stop. They smiled at each other and headed on their way, almost like strangers. Yet, it was so familiar. Yuuri found himself smiling harder. This feeling, what was it?

Peace?

Ease?

Calm?

He couldn't place it but it was good. And, that was all he wanted. He just needed some peace and ease of mind and he had it. He didn't care how long it lasted, as long as he had it. Nothing mattered for the moment. His mind was blank and there was a smile on his face.

It was almost as if he was high. Before he knew it, he was at the end of the path, his shoes scuffed and his hands numb. He turned back, there was no need to walk down the path again. He would take the short route home. His walk had done exactly what he had wanted it to do.

That had happened in a long time.


	35. ''Christophe!''

The news that the art teacher had been fired spread like wildfire. No one had seen Miss Morley in the last few days nor had she been teaching for the last week. As a replacement teacher, she was only supplying until the end of the year. That year had turned into little more than a few months.

A replacement had been brought in quickly and the new supply teacher was already in work.

'Christophe!' Viktor cheered, holding out his arms for the younger man. As per usual, they threw themselves into each other's arms, a joke from years past. 'I didn't know you were in Chicago!' Viktor was as surprised as Chris was. Chris was the last person Viktor thought he would ever see in a school.

'I've been in and out recently and money's on the low so when I saw the offer, I had a look around the school. I saw you teaching, actually. It was the thing that made me end up choosing the place.' Viktor gaped at the man but couldn't deny the smile that was on his lips. He ignored the other teacher's odd looks and continued to talk with his old-friend; Christophe Giacometti was a freelance photographer but also a talented painter, although his paintings were 'frisky' to say the least- as were his photographs. Viktor wasn't quite sure how he had got the job but it was the school's choice, not his. They were on a tight schedule, he understood that.

'So, what subjects you here for?' Viktor asked, nudging Chris playfully.

'Art and Photography, the usual.' Chris sighed. It was clear that Chris' dream was never to become a teacher but the place was only temporary and hopefully, it would get the money Chris needed. Viktor was as much of an optimist as Chris was. They would both achieve their dreams, in time.

Even if Viktor wasn't quite set on what his was yet.

'The headmaster say you couldn't do Sex-Ed?' Viktor was halfway between joking and being serious. Chris would make a good SE teacher, even if he terrified the kids slightly whilst doing so.

Chris' laugh was boisterous and filled the room. If there was anything Chris could do, it was get the attention of an entire room within seconds. He loved it. His whole life was a craving for attention. There was something that didn't seem all that bad about that.

'Wait, you came in last week and saw me? Why didn't you say hi!' Viktor realised, facing Chris with a dramatic flip of his hair. He wasn't sure if he imagined hearing another teacher's sigh. They could tell already, with the addition of the new teacher, they were going to be as hard to keep in control as their classes.

'I was with the headmaster, couldn't interrupt the class. I would have, otherwise. I tried to find you at the end of the day but you were gone.' Chris pouted, feigning upset only causing Viktor to let himself loose and laugh. It felt nice.

It felt like too long since he had last laughed.

'Well, it was nice seeing you, Chris. Teaching time, now.' Viktor put on a serious face which only caused Chris to crack up again.

'Viktor, you being serious is like watching a fish drown. It just doesn't happen.' They smiled at each other and Viktor let himself smile again. Turning away, he smiled wider. He could feel it coming back.

He could feel himself coming back.

The goofy, laid-backed optimist who wouldn't let you get a word in with his endless chatter.

Viktor was back.

-

'You're kidding!' Yuuri and Yurio sat in the Russian classroom, five minutes before the bell was supposed to ring when Yuuri finally heard the news. Yurio had been the first to be told about Miss Morley's firing, it was because of him after all. For Yuuri, though, it had come far too late.

'Nope. I got Miss Morley fired.' Yurio stated proudly, folding his arms and legs, resting his calfs on the wooden desk.

'Yuri!' Yuuri wanted to scold him but the relief was all too overwhelming. Something about Miss Morley had been off since the beginning and despite never quite being outright cruel to him, she had always come off the wrong way.

Yuuri felt terrible that she had to lose her job over it but his heart leapt and danced for joy as his mind broke down just what he felt.

'What?' He voiced coyly. 'She was a pain and she broke the rules. All I did was report her.' He shrugged, his smile twitching onto his lips.

'Wait, broke what rule?' Yuuri asked, leaning in to hear just what happened.

'You should know, you were there. You know that clicky-fingers thing she used on me, it's against school rules. It's her power. Can't use that on a student without consent.' Yuuri had a flash of a bathroom stall, Viktor pinning his arms down. 'So, I went to Mr. Smith and a week later, here we are.' Yuuri couldn't help but laugh at how relaxed Yurio was about the entire situation. Yuri had been a better mood as of late and it had lifted Yuuri's spirits too.

The world was settling again. His existence was fragile, though. He was floating on the water. It was a matter of time before his muscles gave up and he sank back down again. For once, he didn't think that far ahead. He stayed in the present. He was proud of that.

He had a tendency to look ahead too much.

The irony.

'I don't believe you got her fired.' Yuuri chuckled, leaning on his palms. The bell rang soon after and the rest of their conversation was cut short as Viktor entered the room, sporting an unusually large smile on his face.

Yurio couldn't resist the temptation and leaned over, whispering in Yuuri's ear. 'It looks like Viktor wanted her gone too.' Yuuri didn't want to read into that any more than he already had and simply laughed along quietly with Yurio as class started.

-

Yuuri entered the room quietly, checking that Viktor was inside before he walked in himself. He was glad to see, though, as he peered around the door that Viktor was sitting on his desk, his legs swinging back and forth jovially.

'Hey!' Yuuri called out, closing the door behind him. Viktor was quick to change his gaze and bounced off the desk with a flourish. 'You're certainly in a good mood. Was Miss Morley leaving that much of a godsend?' Yuuri joked, taking his place on the student's desk directly opposite Viktor's.

Viktor's eyes widened comically as he turned his full attention to Yuuri. 'Miss Morley has left?' He gasped. How had he not noticed sooner? Actually, he scrapped that thought, with the effort he had made to avoid her, there was no reason he would notice.

Yuuri chuckled, albeit timidly. If her departure wasn't the cause of this...jolliness, then what was? 'You haven't heard? She was fired. You know that time she made Yurio shut up with that whole finger clicking thing,' Yuuri clicked to prove his point 'well, she got fired for it. Can't use powers without consent.' Yuuri hated how the scene in the bathroom came back once again. From the twitch of Viktor's lips, he couldn't help but think Viktor saw the same thing.

His smile remained constant, though. His spirits had been lifted too high to be dragged down this quickly. Between Chris' sudden arrival and Lily's sudden departure, Viktor was as high as a kite. It was as if he had forgotten everything.

Yuuri was glad. Viktor didn't deserve the burden.

'Coaching time!' He announced suddenly. Yuuri let a small laugh pass through his lips and shuffled in his seat in preparation for what was to come. He was nervous. This was different to the other times. The tension didn't remain thick in the air. It was all so light-hearted. Peaceful.

Viktor plopped himself onto the desk and stared Yuuri down, his smile broadening. 'The usual, close your eyes and breathe.' Yuuri shut his eyes, as told, and started to breathe when he almost fell off the desk. The knock had shocked him, so much for foresight.

Viktor didn't seem far different. Jolting slightly, he pushed himself off the desk and back onto his feet, approaching the door with a clear wariness. Opening the door with a creak, Viktor looked at the man standing on the other side of the door with a beaming smile.

Yuuri didn't recognise him. He was tall, far taller than both Yuuri and Viktor, with blonde hair that Yuuri doubted wasn't dyed and a goatee that made him a little more intimidating that Yuuri assumed he was. He looked polished yet disheveled. His suit was askew but it looked purposefully put that away. The man was a piece of art, Yuuri would admit that. If only for the way he stood, like he was meant to be looked at.

'Chris!' Viktor all but shouted and ushered the man into the room, closing the door- this time locking it, Yuuri chastised himself for not doing so the first time. This whole affair, the power practice, was still a secret and if anyone were to find out, well, consequences would be paid.

'Yuuri, this is Chris. Chris, this is Yuuri.' Viktor introduced. Yuuri waved timidly as Chris gave him a curt nod.

'You're not a teacher, are you, Yuuri?' He asked, a flash of confusion on his face. Yuuri chuckled, trying to hide the anxiety that was threatening to rip him at the seams. Don't panic now, Yuuri told himself. This was just a guy. A guy that Viktor knew. A friend of Viktor, he presumed. Or, more than a friend? That familiar feeling coiled in his gut. He did his best to ignore it.

'Oh, no. I was just here to...' Yuuri trailed off. What was he supposed to say? The truth.

'Never mind that!' Viktor interrupted, his grin remaining but fear implanted in his eyes. Chris looked at him, clearly curious but thought better of asking in front of Yuuri. He looked nervous, Chris decided, there was no point making it worse. 'Yuuri, Chris is the new art teacher. I assume, now, Lily's replacement.' Yuuri stared at the man in surprise. He would be taking Chris' class then. He could only hope it wouldn't be awkward.

'Chris, Yuuri takes my Russian class. He's in your class too, I think. Oh, I forgot, this is Yuuri Katsuki, two u's, there's another one- a friend since before I came here- Yuri Plisetsky, with just one u. An angry little fella, I'm sure you'll see him your class.' Viktor gave Yuuri a look that Yuuri could only comprehend as an 'am I right?'

Yuuri nodded. 'Yeah, Yurio and I are in your class.' He smiled, his lips forming more of a straight line than a smile. He tried, at least.

'I'm excited to see you then in class then, Yuuri.' Chris purred. Yuuri's eyes widened as he tried to ignore the involuntary shiver in his spine. Was this man seducing him? No, he was a student.

A flash.

Him and Viktor's lips mere inches apart.

Okay, maybe being a student didn't exclude that thesis.

Chris turned to Viktor, that- was it sexual- purr returning. 'Anyway, I came here to say hi. We didn't get much time this morning but I see you're busy. You free after school, we have to catch up.' Chris gave Viktor a dazzling smile which Viktor returned to the best of his ability.

Yuuri looked at the exchange. Why did he find himself gritting his teeth? The conversation continued for a minute. Surely that wasn't flirting he saw? No, definitely not flirting. Teasing. Oh god, was that worse? Yuuri's mind went into overdrive.

Panic rose in his throat, choking him.

No! He wouldn't let this affect him. No, he was stronger now. Right? There were only a few obstacles left, this wasn't one of them. Panicking would resolve nothing. But since when had he ever believed it had resolved anything, anyway?

Yuuri watched how they acted, too caught up in his own mind to see Viktor checking on him every now and then. Their friendship was strong, they had known each other for a long time. That was simple to see. The exact details of that friendship, though, were hard to decipher. Exes on good terms? Tactile friends? Two men with a flirty nature? Just friends?

Yuuri would like to think his final statement was true. No matter how much he doubted it.

Yuuri smiled throughout it all, though. Watching Viktor warmed his heart. He relaxed his jaw and released his teeth from their tight vice. Viktor looked happy. Happier than even when Yuuri had first known him.

Viktor's life had taken a turn for the worse when he met Yuuri. Yuuri knew that. As did Viktor. He wasn't guilty, though. He couldn't have stopped it, really. He wasn't sure what path he could have taken that would have stopped him from being wrapped up in this chaos.

Yuuri tended to not think about it all that much.

Viktor's smile. It was unique. It wasn't like the ones he had forced for Yuuri. Not like the ones he had when he spoke his first language. Not the one that he had when he hummed to himself when he thought Yuuri wasn't paying attention.

No, this was Viktor's happiness. Viktor had seen a glimpse of his past and he had caught onto it, bringing those feelings back to the present. He looked youthful, acting much younger than he should be for a twenty-something-year-old. Yuuri enjoyed it. Even if his stomach churned at each touch, each laugh. His heart remained passive. Viktor had regained a bit of himself today.

It gave Yuuri hope.

Maybe he could do that, even if he had no happy memories to latch onto.


	36. ''I Want To Meet This Viktor''

Yuuri trundled back home, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets to avoid the November chill. His nose was red and icy, his scarf unable to reach that high- the thick woollen material itching at his neck, it's vibrant blue a bit too much for Yuuri's eyes. But despite the unflattering attire, Yuuri paid no heed to his appearance, settling to just get home at as quick a pace as possible.

He must have been half the way home when his phone buzzed loudly in his pocket, sending a warmth to his side that he could only hope for his whole body. This must have been the coldest day of November yet. Yuuri settled for ignoring it until he got home with the knowledge that he was sure his fingers would freeze.

He was glad, at least, that school was over. The last week had been hellish and his workload had doubled. Viktor had gone easy on them and decided to make a system that the less effort put in in class meant more homework at the end and due to the small number of people in their class, he did it per student. And, as ever, Yuuri paid devout attention in Russian and had ended up with nothing, along with Yurio- who had been sucking up so he could get out of the homework at the end of it. Yurio was fluent, it wasn't as if he needed it. The only other teacher that hadn't given them anything was Chris, who was turning out to be one of the nicest teachers Yuuri had ever had. He was welcoming, kind and funny and actually liked to critique the art made- even if it, as Yurio's so often was, was not on the subject at all.

Chris, since they had met, had seemed to try as hard as possible to be friendly to Yuuri. It was working. Yuuri knew he was shy and came off reluctant but like Viktor, Chris was a force of nature and it wasn't long before they had made themselves friend as much as any student and teacher could- Viktor being the exception.

Their relationship was unnamed.

Yuri too, though. He was best-friends with Viktor. But, then again, they had met before Viktor started teaching him so did that even count? Yuuri spent the rest of his journey home thinking of the meaningless labels of Viktor's friendships and only decided on one thing. Viktor was unique and so were his friendships.

Yuuri finally arrives home after another five minutes of walking and immediately strips himself of his coat, scarf and hat, revelling in the warmth of his home. 'I'm back!' He called out to notify his mother who replied with nothing more than a muffled shout from the kitchen. Yuuri took that as an okay and went to go up the stairs, taking his phone out as he did so.

One notification: Phichit. Yuuri suddenly regretted not looking at it sooner as he saw the message that told him that Phichit had landed. He didn't feel too guilty, Phichit hadn't expected Yuuri to meet him there: Yuuri had school. But, there was a little twinge when he realised that Phichit had no address for a taxi driver. Hastily, he typed back, giving his address and got the all okay from Phichit. Yuuri couldn't help but be excited, buzzing with energy by the time he had bounded up the stairs and into his bedroom. He couldn't wait to catch up and wow, did they have a lot to catch up on. Their rare Skype sessions were in no way enough, mostly consisting of small talk and showing each other things of little importance that they had scrolled past on social media.

It was an hour later when the doorbell rang. Yuuri almost flew out of bed, rushing down the stairs at lightning speed. His mother hadn't even left the kitchen to investigate as Yuuri threw the door open, glad to see it was Phichit and not a postman.

'Phichit!' Yuuri cheered, throwing himself into his friend's arms. 'I missed you!' He said jubilantly as he pushed himself away. They were both beaming and Yuuri was quick to usher Phichit in and take some of his luggage. For a week, he sure had a lot. 'What have you got in there? Hamsters?' He joked and for a second Phichit looked shy.

'Well, I was thinking but then...' a long, elongated pause as he dragged out the end of his sentence. 'I got stopped at the airport for trying to bring them through?' A statement phrased as a question, the way anyone stated something they were mortified about. Yuuri couldn't help but burst into a fit of giggles, just in time for his mum to arrive.

'Hi, Phichit.' She smiled, her cheeks puffing out- she looked far younger than she was when she smiled.

'Hi, how are you?' Phichit pulled that face that he only did when trying to impress. Yuuri suppressed another laugh. But Yuuri's mother, as ever seduced by his charms, gave in and happily started talking away about her day. Phichit listened with a keen ear, he hadn't seen them in over a year and it must have felt like a piece of home was back in place. Yuuri couldn't be sure but he was sure that was what the expression on his face was.

After what felt like hours of talking, Hiroko dismissed herself to the kitchen to finish off dinner and the boys made their way up to Yuuri's room. 'It looks just like your old one.' Phichit spoke, curiosity evident.

'Yeah,' Yuuri paused, unsure of how to phrase his words, 'I didn't want everything to feel too different so I asked if I could keep it the same as possible. My parents agreed immediately, you know how they worry about me.' Yuuri scratched the back of his head nervously but Phichit just laughed quietly.

'I do, it's cute.' Phichit fell onto the bed, knowing he was welcome. Yuuri didn't have to express it. Phichit was available to any of Yuuri's stuff, they had established that long ago. It worked the other way round too. They were best-friends, it was instinct at this point.

'So, how's the anxiety coming along? Are you feeling better? You sounded good when we called but I can never be sure.' Yuuri smiled, it was nice to see this side of Phichit. He was compassionate, even if he often hid it with large gestures and humour. Phichit cared more than he would ever like to admit but with Yuuri, he could ask anything and Yuuri would answer because he knew just how much he cared. It had been a comfort in years past.

'It's been going great actually. A few pitfalls as always but Viktor, he's helping me through it.' Yuuri only seemed to realise what he said after he said it.

'Whose Viktor?' Phichit asked, wiggling his eyebrows comically and despite the coil in his stomach, Yuuri chuckled out a few breaths.

'It doesn't matter, just a guy that's helping me out.' Yuuri scratched the back of his head again. Phichit's eye was suddenly on the target. Yuuri was nervous and there was only one explanation.

'Tell me! I want to know who Viktor,' he added a fake cough 'boyfriend,' another cough 'is'. Yuuri smiled sarcastically.

'Very funny but seriously, he's not my boyfriend.' Yuuri sighed. 'Okay, I'm going to tell you this and you're going to think it's really weird but just hear me out and wait until the end.' Yuuri rambled, his mind working faster than his lips but Phichit was all ears, not interrupting for fascination with what was about to happen.

He had not expected what Yuuri had told him. Viktor, Yuuri's teacher, was helping him with anxiety, in private, every lunchtime, and they had almost- only almost- kissed.

'Yuuri, um, I don't want to burst your bubble or anything but...you know you and Viktor can't...' Phichit didn't know how to word it. Yuuri understood. The situation was unique and, for all intents and purposes, illegal- if taken any further, that was.

'I know, Phichit. It's messy. So, for now, he's just my hot Russian teacher who helps me every now and then.' Yuuri had failed to mention his power, he wasn't sure if he wanted to yet.

'Just don't take it any further, Yuuri. I don't want to be patronising and I'm glad that you've finally found someone to help.' The silent words 'and not me' were recognised by both parties. 'But, he's still a teacher. Don't let him take advantage of you. If there's ever blackmail involved, go to the police straight away.' Phichit was parent mode and Yuuri listened carefully. Yuuri had never really thought about it. He knew it was wrong but he never thought as to why it had been made illegal in the first place. He suddenly felt rather vulnerable.

'I'll keep it in my mind but I assure you nothing more will happen. It was me who pushed for it, not him. But, I'm better now. I think...I think I went to him because I mixed up my feelings of appreciation with something more.' Yuuri lied but it sounded nice on his lips. He hated lying to Phichit but this was not what that was. This, this was lying to himself. He was tricking himself, again. He was stupid for doing so. The facade he had created would crumble soon, it was just a matter of how long.

'I want to meet this Viktor.' Phichit suddenly stated, his voice as confident as ever.

'I don't think that's really possible.' He had meant to make it not seem like a good idea but it was all his mind could come up with.

'Why not? Am I banned from meeting him?'

'No, but...' Yuuri scrambled for a reason, coming up blank.

'No buts. I'm going to see him and you're not going to stop me. End of story. I need to assess this guy for myself; check nothing...iffy's going on.' Yuuri bowed his head in defeat. There was no arguing with Phichit for the moment. He would give in. How bad could it be if they met? Viktor was friendly and would be glad to meet any of Yuuri's friends, old or now. And, no doubt, would try and pry into Yuuri's past like he would with an album of baby photos.

'There's one thing I haven't told you yet.' Silence suddenly filled the room, deadly and menacing. It felt like a darkness creeping up on Yuuri, leaving Phichit confused as he watched Yuuri's looked downcast whilst watching his twiddling thumbs. 'Viktor, he's not just helping me with my anxiety. He...he's helping me with my power.' Silence.

'But Yuuri, you don't have-' Yuuri cut him off quickly.

'I do. I didn't know until a few weeks ago. It was all a shock, really. But, Viktor's helping me control it. I can,' he hesitated, why was he so unwilling to say it? This was Phichit he was talking to. It was fine. 'See the future.' Phichit gasped, a smile brightening his face. Of course, Phichit didn't say 'but that isn't a power' or 'you're lying'. He simply fell into the truth because he knew that Yuuri was honest.

'That's amazing, Yuuri!' Phichit was about to go on, buzzing with energy when they were interrupted by Yuuri's mother, calling them down for dinner. 'It seems life's on the up.' He commented, watching Yuuri's smile grow along side his.

'Yeah, it is.'


	37. ''Do You Need Me To Kiss You Or Something?''

Yuuri woke up with a small flood of light peeking out from beneath his thick curtains. Phichit was asleep, draped on top of an uncomfortable looking futon that he had accidentally fallen asleep on. Yuuri had offered up his bed but Phichit had gladly declined and said he would rather the floor.

Yuuri tip-toed around, careful not to step on anything sharp or on Phichit himself. Avoiding all noise and gathering all of his things, he locked himself the bathroom, glad for the harsh light beating down on his pale skin. Despite the recent food, his skin hadn't quite retrieved its usual tone and was left more pallor than any skin should be, especially Japanese- he almost looked white.

Taking one of the quickest showers of his life, fearful that the water would wake up Phichit, he got ready and was ready to set off to school alone. He had to walk this morning, his mum didn't have the time time to drop him off. It was fine, it hopefully wouldn't be too cold out and he had enough layers to fend off the cold, even if Viktor would probably laugh at it if he saw it. The bloody Russian was immune. Except when he gets colds, Viktor with a cold...let's just say, you never want to see Viktor with a cold.

Yuuri finally unlocked the door and left the bathroom, going down the few metres of hallway to his room. He paused, less than a second long, confused as to why the lights were on inside. He peered in, eyes squinted with confusion.

Phichit was awake...and ready.

'And here I was trying to be quiet so I didn't wake you up.' Yuuri sighed, closing the door behind him and throwing himself onto the bed, taking in the comfort of the pillows one last time before he had to abandon them. Until tonight, at least, but it always felt far longer.

'You didn't but yeah, that was kind of unnecessary. I set an alarm and I showered last night. So, we going?' Phichit never had the words to explain, speaking quickly and inefficiently but making his last point strong.

Strong enough to confuse Yuuri even more.

'We? I have school.' Phichit nodded. 'You're coming?' Dumbfounded.

'Of course! I want to see this ever so famous school! I haven't seen you enjoy school this much in forever!' Phichit clapped his hands together and started stuffing his things into a bag.

'Who said I ever enjoyed school?' Yuuri folded his arms, quirking a single eyebrow.

'Me, now let's go.' Yuuri didn't have the heart to disobey Phichit, he didn't have the time anyway so he gathered his stuff and followed Phichit out of the door, both of them waving his mother goodbye.

'How are you even going to do this? They're not going to just let you follow me around all day for no reason.' Yuuri sighed, stuffing his gloved hands into his pockets.

'Tours! All schools give tours.' Phichit smiled, his teeth revealed slightly by the curve of his lip.

'Are you sure you want to do this? This is your holiday and you're going to spend it going around another school, sitting through their lessons and listen to teachers groan on about things. And don't even get me started on the drama. Forgetting about all my problems, people are throwing insults around like its a ball.' Yuuri laughed dryly, a cloud of condensation forming in front of his mouth.

He wished that his mother wasn't so busy in winter.

'Katsudon!' The Russian accent was easily decipherable and Yuuri couldn't mistake it for anyone, not even Viktor.

'Hey, Yurio!' Yuuri called out behind him, slowing down until Yurio caught up with them. Yurio hadn't seemed to notice the figure by Yuuri's side and looked genuinely shocked when he saw him. Yuuri resisted a laugh, the face didn't suit Yurio. Yuuri was so used to seeing him either seething or crying, he forgot there even was an in between.

Yuuri was starting to believe things were going back to normal again.

Not that that would ever happen.

He should be laughing at himself for even thinking it.

'Hey.' Yurio spat it out as if it was poison on his tongue but at least he made the effort to talk at Phichit. It was an improvement. Steady progress.

'Phichit, this is Yuri. The other Yuri. Yuri, this is Phichit, my friend from a school I went to a while back.' Yuri nodded and Phichit beamed. The extrovert was always happy to meet new people, even if they were a sulky teenager whose hood mostly covered their face.

'Hi! I'm Phichit, it's so nice to meet you! Yuuri, you didn't mention another Russian.' Phichit wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, a joke. The silent words passed between them, 'you have a crush on him too?'

It hit all too close to home.

Yuuri's blush had to have been the giveaway. 'No. Way.' Phichit breathed, his eyes so wide they could have been the moon, the brown twinkling even through the morning mist. 'No. Way.' He reiterated, looking back and forth between them frantically as if something was missing. It just had to be Phichit who figured out.

Yurio looked to Yuuri for help when Phichit stepped forward, almost as if to assess his face. Yuuri just shook his head, he didn't want to believe Phichit knew. He wouldn't until he said it.

'You two went out?' He said it.

'Yes?' Yuuri didn't know why it was so much of a question and not a statement. Yurio didn't say a word, his flaming red cheeks hidden by the thick blonde hair that he pushed forward.

'Ah! You need to stop with these Russians Yuuri!' Phichit squealed and suddenly Yurio's eyes were on him.

'Russians? You told him about Viktor?' More curiosity than anger. Yuuri nodded reluctantly and tried to bury himself in his scarf. At least then he could delay this until later.

'Ugh, I don't want to talk about this. Let's just get to school, it's f*cking freezing out here.' It seemed it wasn't the Russian in them that made them immune to cold. Yurio, despite the multiple layers, was trembling greatly and no amount of walking, jumping or moving could rectify that. Yuuri wondered what made Viktor so immune to it? Was it just colder where he used to live? Probably not.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, the tension tangible. Not a word was uttered but it didn't seem to lessen Phichit's excitement who was still buzzing as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

Yuri and Yuuri stole glances at each other every now and then, their faces flushing red. Even if it was over and they had agreed to be friends, it didn't mean bringing it up meant it got any easier. It was still awkward and was a topic they tended to avoid it.

Especially with the troubles they both had with their other love interests.

Just friends had become a curse.

It had been awkward enough for Yuuri to tell his school friends that they had broken up (to which Minami had just beamed and congratulated him, an odd reaction to say the least) and it didn't get any better telling his best-friend who had known him for years and was now sending indiscreet glances their way.

The school was already packed when they arrived but they had enough time to go to the office and officially put Phichit down as a guest. Yurio split off quickly and said his goodbyes, they wouldn't see each other until the end of the day in Art and then Russian too.

Yuuri wasn't surprised when they gladly accepted Phichit into a tour. They were low on students to get the funding they needed, even if certain classes were overcrowded, and having anyone look around was a blessing. Especially one who was interested in the classes that were running low on pupils. Like Russian.

Although, since Viktor had joined, the rising number of students opting out of their chosen subjects and into Russian was becoming eerie. By the way they goggled at him, it was clear what their intentions were and after a few disgraceful grades, quite a few of the students were sent back to their old classes unless they could catch up on the work.

Yuuri took the role of tour guide eagerly and despite his disinterest in the school, it seemed a lot brighter when he had Phichit snapping pictures at even the blandest of paintings. 'Do you really need pictures?' Yuuri laughed as Phichit took a picture of some younger students artwork that could have been made by a toddler.

'Yes! The followers need something! This will do.' Phichit sounded as determined as ever. When it came to social media, Phichit had to post daily and it counted as a failure if he missed a day because of bad reception. He took it seriously, the whole business. Where Yuuri avoided all things that advertised himself, Phichit revelled in it. His following was impressive and Yuuri didn't deny that he felt proud of Phichit for getting to the place he had.

Yuuri laughed and walked on. He had been let off going to the first portion of period one but he couldn't put it off forever and he ended up going to calculus with a scowl on his face and Phichit raving about whether it would be harder if it was being taught in English.

The class passed slowly and even Phichit's excitement wasn't enough to drag Yuuri through it without dozing off a few times. Phichit practically had to drag him out of class at the end. 'How do you survive school without me? You were nearly asleep in there!'

'Well, normally, I didn't have someone talking to me ALL NIGHT.' A petty jab but Phichit didn't take it personally and burst out into giggles.

'I like to talk, you can't blame me! I haven't seen you in so long!' Yuuri smiled and let Phichit continue to rave. He never shut up, did he? Yuuri liked it, though, it saved him the effort.

'You know,' Yuuri interrupted, 'you really didn't have to come today. You come to Chicago for the first time and all you do it sit through a whole day of lessons. I'm sure that's not the way anyone wants to be spending their holidays.' Phichit looked like he was thinking for a second but Yuuri was sure he knew the answer far before he even answered.

'I'm just an odd one out then.' Phichit shrugged, his smile never fading. It was odd how Phichit never frowned. Competitiveness was the only thing that could give him a straight face and even then he always performed with a smile. And maybe when Yuuri was down. Maybe that was what was so shocking, that Phichit didn't frown anymore. Just like Yuuri smiled more. The more Yuuri smiled, the less Phichit frowned. It was healthy, for both of them.

Yuuri could do with a bit more of that.

The toxicity of his relationships was beginning to corrode him away.

Lunchtime came faster than Yuuri could have ever expected. Maybe Phichit had finally made school seem more enjoyable or maybe it was just that he feared his encounter with Viktor today, whatever it was, time had gone too quick for comfort.

They ate in silence, the hole in Yuuri's gut seeping in the happy feelings. That shred of self-doubt had been implanted in his brain again and he felt as if all eyes were on him. All eyes were on him. Definitely. No. His brain was tricking him. His brain was already tricking him.

Yuuri blinked.

He wasn't in the lunch hall. He was still in class. He peered up at the clock and ignored Phichit's incessant talking in favour of reading the time. Far before lunch, hours before lunch.

When lunch did arrive, the sense of deja vu hit him like a tidal wave.

He felt all eyes were on him. All eyes were on him. Definitely. No. His eyes were tricking him. 'Phichit lets get out of here.' Yuuri mumbled and fled the lunch hall, not even glancing behind him to see Phichit hadn't even begun to eat his food. He was too busy talking.

Phichit didn't question, though, as Yuuri twisted down the corridors and to the only place he knew to go.

Viktor was already in the classroom, despite Yuuri appearing over half an hour before he normally did. Viktor didn't pay any heed to the two panting teenagers outside of his door; Yuuri hadn't realised how fast he had been walking until he had stopped to take a breath. He swung around on his chair, spinning himself in circles, his silver hair flopping over his face.

'Omg! He is hot!' Phichit hissed as he peered through the door, visibly less out of breath that Yuuri. Phichit, clearly, had been keeping up with his fitness schedule, even if both of theirs were minimal. Or maybe it was the lack of food. Probably the lack of food. It really had taken its toll.

Yuuri didn't answer and tried to compose himself as he walked through the door, Phichit following faithfully behind. 'Hi, Viktor.' Yuuri didn't remove his eyes from the ground but he didn't need to feel the two pair of eyes following him to where he threw himself down on the chair at the back of the room.

'Um, I'm Phichit.' Phichit introduced himself without so much as removing his eyes from Yuuri. Viktor didn't either. Nonetheless, he shook Phichit's hand. 'Viktor.' A pause, uncertainty and tension clogging up their thoughts.

'Yuuri, whats wrong?' Viktor asked, pushing himself off his chair and towards Yuuri, kneeling down so he was balanced on the balls of his feet with his arms resting on his knees. 'Yuuri?' Viktor asked, his voice patient and kind. They had since sorted out what to do when Yuuri was in these moods and over time, Viktor had learnt what he needed to do.

'Do you need me to kiss you or something?' Viktor joked, quiet enough for Phichit not to hear. It wasn't a serious request or anything. It had been an inside joke between them for what felt like eons now. Those stupid words Viktor had uttered when he was so clueless that he had come up with nothing better.

'I saw something. This morning, I saw what would happen at lunch. I saw it. It was so clear and vivid but I didn't know I was doing it. Since then, the headache hasn't gone.' The headache pounded but Yuuri ignored them easily; they were nothing as bad as hunger pains. Why was he suddenly remembering his hunger so vividly? It had been so long since he had 'forgotten' to eat. It had been so long since he had been stuck down that hole.

He had never been diagnosed with an eating disorder. If you asked him, he would say he had never had one.

It didn't matter now, he had recovered. Or had he.

Why now did he suddenly feel the urge to rid his stomach of its contents? Why now did he feel like puking was the best option? Why did he feel the need to punish himself over something he couldn't control?

'What did you see exactly?' Viktor asked, his voice never raising.

'I saw people staring at me. I felt them. It felt like a dream but then when lunch time came around...again, I guess, I felt those eyes.' Yuuri didn't meet Viktor's eyes and ignored the sudden presence behind him. Phichit was looking at the conversation with wide but reassuring eyes. He had always been the one to look after Yuuri and no matter how useless he felt that he couldn't help, he was so happy that Yuuri had someone else to care for him. Someone less temporary.

'Yuuri, it's okay. That's what we needed, wasn't it? Another vision? We've been waiting for it so long. You should be proud.' Viktor whispered, a smile as gentle as a butterflies wing brushing his lips.

'I shouldn't. I shouldn't be able to do this.' Yuuri shook his head, shutting his eyes as if he could just forget this was happening.

'But you can. Whats the point in pushing away something that would be so much better to accept? Yuuri, your special, don't deny this.' Viktor, as if suddenly reminded of the other person in the room, glanced at Phichit curiously, seeking a reaction.

Phichit shrugged. 'He told me about this yesterday. I know what he can do.' Viktor nodded.

'How long have you two known each other?' Viktor asked, his brows drawing together.

'Too long.' Phichit laughed quietly, careful not to hit Yuuri with too hard a sound. Yuuri was still fragile, even if neither of them knew why. Even if Yuuri didn't know why.

What couldn't be explained could still be true. A simple fact.

'He's my best friend. I met him back in Thailand.' Yuuri whispered, feeling the urge to input.

'Well, it's nice to meet you Phichit.' Viktor introduced himself much more formally this time, taking Yuuri's change in subject as his turn to return back the normal world.

'Sorry, Phichit, I shouldn't have...been like that.' Phichit shrugged and waved his hand dismissively.

'I've seen it before, it's nothing to worry about.' Phichit's smile was back. Yuuri was glad. Viktor's was too.

'So, Phichit, if this isn't too direct, why are you here?' Phichit found himself a seat as Viktor leant calmly against his desk and Yuuri moving further forward, making sure not to hide away. It would only make the others more suspicious. Even if he had given them the invitation to step away, it didn't mean he was any less fragile. He was just more in control. Even if it felt that the reigns weren't even in his hands.

Phichit began to talk, and talk and talk. Viktor, at some point, had begun to steal glances at Yuuri who didn't dare look away from Phichit. He had long since learnt the art of looking interested when he wasn't. His act was perfect.

Phichit ceased suddenly. 'Oh! The next lesson is soon, right? We should probably get going!' Phichit was never a good liar. They still had plenty of time. He practically ran to Yuuri and dragged him from his seat, all the whilst Viktor stared at them with utter confusion.

They reached the door when Phichit suddenly pushed Yuuri outside and locked the door behind him, leaving just him and Viktor in the room. Yuuri needed some peace and quiet anyway. He was sure Yuuri knew what he was doing anyway.

'So, Mr Nikiforov, I need to have a little talk with you about your feelings for my best friend because I think we both know that you feel much more than a teacher for him. Even more than friends.' Phichit smiled wickedly, Viktor only blushed.

 


	38. ''I Want You To Tell Me About Yuuri Katsuki''

Two days later and Phichit and Yuuri were trapped in the same sense of deja vu. Phichit sat on the floor, just as he had on the day he arrived, whilst Yuuri sat cross-legged on his bed looking down at his friend, again, just as he had the day Phichit arrived.

Phichit had still not told Yuuri about his and Viktor's little...chat. A flash of an image suddenly passed through Phichit's mind: 'Viktor, don't you dare try and blame him!' Phichit shook it off and tried to focus back on Yuuri.

He didn't know that Yuuri could hear everything from outside that door; Yuuri still hadn't had the guts to mention it, it was fine- probably: 'Viktor Nikiforov, I will NOT hesitate to threaten you.' Yuuri tried to wipe it from his mind, mortified.

'So, Yuuri, what are you doing for ya' birthday?' Phichit smiled, tucking his head onto his knees, pulling them to his chest. Yuuri shrugged, he wasn't sure. He hadn't had time to think about it. He hadn't had time to think of much recently. He had spent most of his time, well, trying not to think at all.

'I guess stay at home. My mum will cook Katsudon.' The word sent a small smile to his lips, his eyes glistening like a child. Yuuri fell too easily for food, Phichit thought, sighing with a gentle laugh.

'That's depressing, Yuuri!' Phichit complained. 'You have two weeks, you better do something!' He sighed again. 'I wish I was here for it, I would plan something AWESOME!' He shouted, flailing his arms dramatically in the air, a jovial smile returning to his childish features- it was a shame, Yuuri thought, that Phichit hadn't been smiling so much lately. Yuuri guessed he was to blame.

Yuuri had fallen down the hole again before he had even noticed.

Yet, Phichit caught him immediately. He had forgotten, in years of loneliness, the support network he had, catching him every time he fell. He hadn't seen Phichit in too long, he had forgotten how easy it was to be picked up again.

'Yuuri! Don't be sad! You don't need me here. You have more friends than just me, I know that- you even told me. I'm sure from what you've said that Minami would throw you an extravagant party.' Phichit laughed, images of the boy Yuuri had pointed out jumping around a classroom more present than ever. Minami acted younger than Phichit and that was definitely saying something.

'I'm not sure if a party is quite my scene...'

'Of course it is! You'll be surprised, having a party with people you actually like is much better than the parties I know you are imagining.' Yuuri shrugged.

'I guess so but...'

'Uh-uh, no. No buts. I am planning this!' Phichit clapped his hands together a few times and got to work, quickly taking Yuuri's phone off of him and texting Minami the plan.

'So, anything interesting happen at school today whilst I was left to fend in the wild expanse of Chicago?' Phichit asked, his fingers rapidly hitting the keys of the phone as he texted back and forth with five separate people, somehow able to continue a conversation despite it- now, that was what Yuuri called skill.

'Nothing much, the usual conversation with Viktor at lunch but not much else. I guess, Chris came in today. That's something. Into me and Viktor's lunchtime session, that is.' Yuuri sighed, falling onto his back and uncrossing his legs, staring blankly at the ceiling.

'You don't sound too happy about that.' Phichit observed, watching as his friend took sad breaths, looking withered in the diminished light- the sun setting gently outside.

'I don't know. It's just,' another wistful sigh 'I don't know what I feel, Phichit. Chris, he's nice but it seems that since he came, Viktor's been further and further out of reach and maybe that's for the best.' Their eyes shifted away from each other knowingly. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe Yuuri would fall off the deep end or maybe, without his presence, he would go on with his life rather than being tangled up in this mess he had created.

'But, it just isn't easy, you know? Viktor's helped me and I don't want him to stop and we've...we've still got this whole power thing to do. He's as experienced as anyone can be with my situation and he's helping but, it's just...' Yuuri ran out of words, his mind reeling as thoughts drifted in and out of his conscience, fading like clouds on a sunny day.

'You don't have to explain, I get it.' Phichit smiled, his teeth shining and Yuuri found some comfort in that, something he had been missing for too long. It wasn't Phichit who needed to smile more, he realised, it was him.

-

Yuri had been told by his final period teacher that he had to meet Mr Smith at his office after school. It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last but Yuri was uncertain of what it could be about.

Lily had gone and he had stayed out of trouble. So, what else?

Trundling down the corridors, his ragged backpack slung lazily over his shoulder, he found Mr Smith's office- the route almost automatic. There had a been a time when he had been here every day.

He wouldn't say he and Mr Smith were close but he certainly would say that they were honest with each other. For a headmaster, Mr Smith tried not to pry and tended to solve cases of bad behaviour or whatever else students were sent to him with, with a certain ease that Yuri hadn't seen before. He had never seen Mr Smith lose control nor had he seen Mr Smith do anything but listen and give advice.

But, now he couldn't help but fear that this was going to be something different.

He was right, almost. As he knocked brashly on the door and strutted in before Mr Smith could even begin to call for him to enter, he was shocked to see Mr Smith look far more distressed than any other time Yuri had seen him.

His tie loose and his hair slightly scruffy, Mr Smith stared at the papers in front of him, his eyebrows drawing together frustratedly. 'Sit down, Yurio, I'm glad you could make it.' Mr Smith composed himself well for a man who had been milling over papers for the last few hours but he could not hide the dents where his fingers had gripped at his hair and the dark circles framing his eyes.

'I want to ask you something and I want you to keep it between you and me. Is that okay?' Mr Smith would never say anything without permission, an odd habit, Yuri guessed. Yuri nodded hesitantly but was too curious to hold back.

'I want you to tell me about Yuuri Katsuki.' An order, one that Yuri didn't even know where to begin with. Such an easy thing to answer but with too many answers to give.

'About Yuuri? What about him?' Yuri slouched down in his chair and ruffled his hair, trying to look as confused as possible. What did Mr Smith want with information about Yuuri?

'Anything and everything. He's been tangled up in something and I want to get to the bottom of it.' Never clear about what he says either, Yuri realised. He would never say what Yuuri had done, he would never make it clear that he knew what was going on.

Then again, did Yuri know that Mr Smith knew?

Was the only thing Yuri could relate with his own friend Viktor?

A relationship didn't define him so he spoke of as much else as he could, almost a task to himself to prove that he wasn't focused on that event. He was lying if he said that he wasn't but he would like to think he wasn't blinded by it.

'Yuuri, well, he's seventeen, about to turn eighteen. He's...' Yuri paused, was he already stuck? '...good at Russian. Well, most of his subjects actually. He likes to read and play video games in his spare time but doesn't meet up with people much. He's shy...I don't really know what you're aiming at here.' Yurio gave up, throwing his head back in defeat and straining his eyes to see the yellow stains on the ceiling, not focusing on the piercing gaze of his headmaster.

'Don't stop there, keep going.' Mr Smith urged, a small smile encouraging him- it looked too forced, though, to do much.

'Do you really need to know any of this? What do you want me to say? His favourite colour is blue?'

'You may not think its relevant but I would like to know as much as I can.' Mr Smith jotted something down on a piece of paper before sliding the scribbles out of Yuri's sight and turning back to him. Yuri was even more curious to see what he had written down.

'I mean, I don't know, we're friends? Um...do I really have to go on?' Yuri complained, pouting like a child. Mr Smith sighed, pinching his nose between his fingers before scribbling down another note before covering it up with a pile of crumpled sheets. What was it that Mr Smith did not want Yuri to see?

What was going on?

'Yuuri was involved in Lily's case, wasn't he? He was there when she used hers upon you.' Suddenly, Yuri wondered what Mr Smith's power was. Probably the same as him, he realised before looking up and realising he hadn't answered yet, lost in his own mind.

'Yeah, why? It wasn't like he was really involved. He was a witness.' Yuri shrugged, fearful of what was coming. The questions were getting closer and closer to the point Yurio feared it would go to.

'Who else was there?' Yurio almost wished he didn't have to speak.

'Viktor, I mean, Mr Nikiforov.' He corrected himself quickly; he had gotten far too comfortable with calling him Viktor in school. 'That's it.' Mr Smith nodded and continued to scribble notes, each time on a different piece of paper, no doubt willing to compile them later on.

‘I want you to tell me about him.’ Mr Smith spoke, repeating his earlier statement, diverting the topic of conversation. This was definitely becoming too close for comfort. Viktor and Yuuri in the same conversation, Mr Smith was drawing closer even if he didn’t realise it.

‘He’s my teacher.’ Yuri paused, debating whether to continue. Sighing, he spoke again: ‘Viktor was also my friend before he came here, that’s why I call him by his first name.’ Yuri disliked the sound of Nikiforov on his tongue, it felt unnatural, it was easier if he put this out in the open.

‘How close are you two?’ Mr Smith inquired, his eyes narrowing as he leant forward.

‘Close, our families were friends.’

‘Were?’

‘Can we talk about something else?’ Yuri interrupted, not willing to talk about his family. It was too long a story to describe- it was something Yuri would rather forget himself. Something only he and his parents’ knew and something that would remain that way.

‘Okay,’ Mr Smith leant back again, realising he had pushed too far and tried to keep the conversation at something simple. ‘Who are Yuuri’s friends?’ Much simpler.

‘There isn’t many, I’m not sure if he has more that I don’t know of but he mostly hangs out with Minami and that group: Takeshi, Yuuko, and Minako. He’s also got a friend from abroad whose here at the moment, Phichit, that’s about it.’ Yuri explained with ease, glad that he could at least say something without feeling he was leading to anything else.

And then, it all fell down.

‘What about Viktor, is he not Yuuri’s friend? I heard they spend a lot of time together.’ Shit.

‘I wouldn’t say they’re friends, they…’ Yuri stopped, he sounded too panic. Far too panicked. Mr Smith was suddenly paying far more attention. Everything was going wrong. Everything.

What did Mr Smith know?

Deep breath. ‘They’re relationship is just teacher and student.’ He knew as soon as he said it that Mr Smith knew he was lying. Failure. He had given it away without even saying it. Mr Smith knew Yurio was covering something up, something about Viktor and Yuuri’s relationship.

Shit, shit, shit.

Mr Smith noted something down again before dismissing Yuri. He ran without looking back.

Shit, shit, shit.

Yurio winced at the clinical lights of the school corridors and shut his eyes, punching at whatever was closest to him. A locker. A now very broken locker. He shouldn’t forget his own exaggerated strength. He could do real damage.

He found himself not caring at all.

He was about to burst as he made his way outside, ready to knock down a tree but tried to take steady, calming breaths. He had work. And, if he didn’t go, that would be no dinner tonight.

 


	39. ''Maybe It's Time You Saw A Professional''

Phichit had to leave on Sunday morning, leaving before the sun had ever risen. But, nonetheless, Yuuri and his family stood by the door to see him off. Yuuri would take the taxi with Phichit and say his own goodbye at the airport but his mother had been adamant that she would give Phichit a leaving gift before he returned to Thailand.

That had turned out to be a rather small gift, wrapped immaculately with a little ribbon wrapped around it, a slightly wonky bow on top. It was beautiful, really, something only Yuuri's mother could do with her artful hands and touch of flair.

'Bye, sweetie.' She pulled Phichit into a strong hug, looking as if she were about to cry but held it together- it was probably the sleep that was causing her emotions to go haywire.

'Young man, I expect you back.' His father said, his deep voice sounding slightly out of place as he used the English terms, he was still coming to grips with the English language despite having lived here for a while now. They had all learnt far too many languages over their lifetime and adding another one to their list was always going to be difficult.

Suddenly, crashing and banging rang loudly through the house as Mari flung herself around the corner and down the stairs, throwing herself at Phichit. 'I may like my sleep but you're not allowed to leave without saying goodbye to me.' It was funny, Yuuri thought, hearing Mari speak after their father. She was adept at all languages, no matter the difficulty and had already learnt the American slang as well as the accent- the only thing that made her seem foreign at all were her facial features.

'Come on, let's get you boys going. We don't want you missing your plane.' Hiroko smiled and ushered the boys out of the door where the taxi was already waiting, the driver grumbling in his seat, looking as if he'd gone to work in his pyjamas. Maybe he had.

The drive was quick, flying by between muted conversations and flickers of sleep. It was all too soon that they were practically being thrown out by the taxi driver who didn't hesitate to handle Phichit's luggage with little finesse, scraping along the side of one of the cartoon faces that covered the hard, plastic case- one they had hardly been able to shut due to the sheer amount of stuff Phichit brought.

'Well, at least I get to see my hammy's again.' Phichit smiled weakly, staring at Yuuri's teary eyes knowing that he was going to have to leave him for check-in sooner or later.

'Yeah, I guess.' Yuuri looked down to his feet, taking large breaths in and out to control himself. Surely, he couldn't be this upset. Phichit was his best friend but no doubt they would see each other again. Even if that weren't the case, they talked on Skype every other day- they would still have chances to talk. And, since Phichit had been here, he knew all the drama he needed to know to give the famous Phichit advice.

It also seemed that he wasn't going to leave without giving one final bit. 'Be careful with Viktor, alright? He means well but that doesn't mean a lot in this situation. Yuuri...you're still getting a hold of your emotions so just be careful, all right?' Yuuri nodded, his eyes tearing up again but not a single drop spilling. He was holding strong.

This wasn't the end.

He was wrapped up in a hug before he knew it, Phichit's calm voice ringing loudly in his ears. 'Be good.' Oh god, he sounded like a mother. It at least got a laugh from Yuuri as he scampered off to put his bags through check-in and go to security, leaving Yuuri alone with his thoughts.

Not all bad thoughts, he was still smiling. His heart was heavy, though, the feeling of loss already a little too much. He forgot how much he relied on Phichit whilst he was around, even how much he relied on him when he wasn't. Phichit was one of the few people that were driving his life forward. Without him, things would have turned out a lot worse.

And that was saying something.

Yuuri sighed and turned back, waiting in the long line to get a taxi back, surprised his parents were letting him with the costs. But, he assumed, they were working and weren't able to get him themselves so there really was no other choice.

School was the next day and Yuuri could already feel the bubbling dread. There was a lot to sort out and Yuuri still hadn't the courage to fix it yet. His to-do list was ever-growing and soon it would become unmanageable. Yuuri needed to sort himself out before he sorted his life out but he was finding it difficult to one at a time- and he certainly didn't have the strength to do both. Or the time for that matter. His homework pile seemed to be growing larger than his worries and he knew soon enough the stress would get to him and he was going to end up flunking a class but he would push through it, at least this time he had hope that he could.

When Yuuri got home, he wasted the day away- putting a single hour aside to get all his homework done, which he should have known was an unreasonable expectation. Other than that, he spent the day wishing he could talk to Phichit- unfortunately, the boy was still on the plane- and instead of that, playing video games for hours on end. �None of which entertained him in the slightest. He had never been one for video games, they bored him but, for now, it passed the time and let him put off his homework for another day. Russian had been as easy as always but English, that was a different subject. He had only just learnt the language nevermind analysed it. It may have been a semi-international school but that didn't mean the English course was that much easier.

Maybe it was and if so, Yuuri couldn't imagine what the normal course was like.

The next day, after the first few periods had rolled by, he was back in Viktor's office- the bleak sky doing no good in making the classroom attractive- the dull wood looking blackened with the lack of light. They both agreed that turning the lights on was useless and only served in creating a clinical atmosphere so opted for the odd route of sitting in the semi-dark, talking as if it were a clandestine lover's meeting.

Maybe that was exactly what it was but Yuuri would rather believe it wasn't.

'It’s the power. I...I've been thinking about it.' Viktor didn't say a word, waiting for Yuuri to continue on. The silence lasted too long for Viktor to stay quiet for much longer but Yuuri finally found the words and spoke up. 'I've...I've been getting much better. My emotions are most stable and I haven't thought about harming myself in weeks. But, even with all that, I haven't got an ounce more control over whatever I have. This isn't normal, as abnormal as not having a power, in fact. I think I feel worse. I just want to be able to control it or not have it. Not something in between.' Yuuri regretted each word he spilt but it was too late to hold back. He had said it, hanging on by a thread. Tears were not far from spilling, breaths not far from being rapid. This talk of having more control over his emotions meant nothing when he was practically breaking down.

Why was Viktor so good as helping him and also ripping him apart?

'Yuuri, if you're this worried...maybe it's time you saw a professional.' Yuuri could almost see how much it hurt Viktor to say it- whether it was for fear of Yuuri's reaction or that he didn't really want Yuuri to heed his advice, he wasn't sure.

'No.' The response was instantaneous. Viktor had no reply. 'I can do this alone and I have you here so I'm not really alone at all, am I? I'm going to live in the present and just wait for it to come, even it worries me.' Yuuri shouldn't be lying to himself, no matter how unable he was to access his powers, he certainly was good at living life for the future. The present was as distant as his happiness at the moment.

Yuuri was falling again, wasn't he?

Emotional stability, his arse.

Yuuri left with nothing more to say, not bothering to say goodbye. His head was trapped in his thoughts with no regard to the rest of the world. He was isolating himself again, preparing for the worse.

It was a shame he had already told Minami about the party, he was tempted to cancel but he knew Minami wouldn't let him. It would become a surprise party anyway.

Yuuri didn't want to be trapped in this again but once he was locked in, it took all his strength to find the key. Especially when he didn't know whether the key was even there.

 


	40. ''I'll Always Be Here For You''

'I'm sorry Lily but it's the rules. You have to leave. I'll put in a good recommendation for your next job and make sure you get your wages for the next three months but I can't keep you here.' Mr Smith explained, his eyes solemnly staring down at the plastic- that's similarity to wood was uncanny- desk. He didn't want to do this, it was against everything he went for. But, powers were not to be used on the premise- especially for no good reason. But, Miss Morley was a good teacher- a great one, in fact. One that inspired students throughout the year groups.

Except for those two students, those students that always seemed to distrust her: Yuuri and Yuri. What had happened between them?

'That's okay and thank you.' She didn't need to continue, they both understood. The secret would remain between them and it only riddled Mr Smith with more guilt.

'Oh, and before I leave,' Lily stood up from the chair and rustled through her bag to grab a sheet of paper. She smiled, muttering: 'I knew I forgot something.' She paused and stood behind her chair, pulling her trench coat on and wrapping a scarf around her neck. 'Look out for Yuuri for me? He's got into some trouble. Talk to Viktor, he knows a lot more than he's letting on.' And, with that, she walked out- her head high and her shoulders set back as if she had nothing to hide.

She did. Mr Smith knew she did. And now, he knew Viktor did too.

-

Yuuri spent Friday evening planning his party. As Minami suggested, it would be too quick to celebrate this weekend- whilst Yuuri's birthday was in the week- so they planned to do it the weekend after on a larger scale. Yuuri couldn't say he was enthralled by the idea but Minami was persuasive enough. This was Yuuri's first party and it may be his last, he wasn't going to waste the opportunity.

So, he messaged back on forth between his friends- each person taking a different role. A surprising amount of people were willing to help and even more willing to turn up.

Surprisingly, Yuri had been the first to accept the invitation and the rest had followed soon after- even a few of the more obscure ones that he didn't know outside of class like Otabek and Sara.

Overall, the guest count was ten which, in Yuuri's defence, was a larger amount of people than he was used to having in one room. He had confidence, though, that he could get through it without hiding away, even if he was too shy to make conversation with a few of them. Especially Michele. Despite sitting next to him in Science, they really didn't talk much but he was apparently Emil's best friend, who Yuuri talked to quite often and had invited too, so they decided that it was for the best to invite him.

Yuuri was still typing when the sun set and the moon beamed onto the computer. The light was beginning to tire his eyes and he could barely focus on the blur of words as his friends sent message after message, all with different- and often contradicting- ideas.

Sighing, he rested his head on the table and watched as the small patches of light darted around the desk as he moved his mouse around the small square he had created in his mind. He wanted to sleep but he found it too far away, the cold winter chilling him into waking.

He shut his eyes for a moment, anyway, just to see how it felt- his eyelids drooping easily. He almost believed he was dreaming when the vision passed. Another syringe- glowing this time. Still orange, though. But, it was in his arm.

It was in his arm. An arm with tiny little needle marks scattered across it, marring the cutting scars that ran from top to bottom. The skin beneath was barely visible under the lumps and dips of unnatural skin.

And the veins, his veins were turning golden.

It was in his arm.

The needle was in his arm.

He gasped for air, sitting straight. What was usually fear was replaced by a body-wracking anxiety. Why did this image keep on appearing?And why now? Why here in all of places? A place where he was alone in the cold dark of the night, his parents working the night-shift and his sister off god know's where.

Why now was it that his mind decided to plague him? He knew exactly what he was seeing, though, even if he denied it. He knew what these meant, even if he didn't want to follow through.

Or maybe he did.

The Serum, golden in colour and injected through the veins in your arm, was something that was able to strip anyone of their powers. Used on criminals with sentences longer than twenty-years and babies whose powers were so strong that they wouldn't be able to live, it was an effective way of ridding the unwanted.

And Yuuri needed just that.

It was a simple solution and they had produced in on a mass scale with short-term testing. That had been the wrong idea. Their testing for faults went over the period of a month whilst the serum's side effects did not appear until two to three later.

Stripped from the market, the Serum was kept for only those who were desperate or in need of it as a necessity to live.

The consequences were so dire that even the court case to keep it on the market lasted six long years. Paranoia, severe anxiety, depressive symptoms, addiction- some say worse than heroin- and extreme weakness. All of which last between six months and twelve years.

It really was only for the desperate.

Yuuri wondered if he categorised underneath that. He thought back to the pain, the agony or the fear. All of which the Serum caused. So could it really get any worse? Was that possible or had he already hit rock bottom?

Maybe he had but he had certainly escaped far from that a while ago. He was doing so good, so much better. Did he really want to plummet again? All for the sake of going back to what he used to be- bullied, hated, a freak?

Yet, somewhere deep down, he knew he had to. He knew this power was taking him somewhere it shouldn't. He couldn't control it and he hated it. He hated what others thought of it. He hated what others thought of him.

Failure.

Disaster.

Pointless.

Humiliating.

Punches.

Kicks.

Wasn't that exactly the cycle he had come to expect before Viktor? Did he really want to return to that? Did he?

But it wouldn't go back to that, would it? He had saved himself once and he could do it again. No, he hadn't done it. Viktor had. No, that was wrong too. It was him but Viktor helped. He helped so much. Without him, he would have gotten nowhere. Viktor was the catalyst, the thing that pushed him to improve.

Viktor was the one that showed him that the key to the cage did exist.

He blinked and looked up at his computer. Had that much time really passed?

Yurio (24 Unread Messages)

PARTAAAAY!!! (183 Unread Messages)

Clicking on Yurio's profile picture, he scrolled up through the dozens of messages and read as more and more of them just stated his name in capital letters as if it was going to catch his eye any more.

Then, at the top, a question. 'Are you inviting Viktor?' He didn't bother to answer, eyeing the question as if it was a weapon, aimed directly at his heart.

Of course, he wasn't inviting Viktor. For good reason. Viktor was still his teacher above all else and councillor behind that, a friend even further behind. He had been to his house once and that was (awkward) enough.

So why did he still want to?

He was almost tempted to under the pretence that he was Yurio's friend but what good would that do? It would only direct the odd looks towards Yurio and not him and he didn't want to do that to him.

Or Viktor. He couldn't imagine that a twenty-two-year-old wanted to go a teenagers birthday party.

Shutting down the messenger, he decided that it was best that he at least try to sleep. He would have to catch up on what he missed tomorrow and that alone was going to be the big task of the day, alongside ordering decorations and drinks- non-alcohol, unfortunately. An eighteenth birthday in most countries he had lived in meant he could drink but he would follow America's laws, even if it made him marginally bitter.

It was when he finally made it into his pyjamas and into bed that his phone buzzed again. It wouldn't be anything more from the group, he had muted the messages on his phone so he wouldn't have to listen to the constant buzzing and he was sure that Yurio had given up.

Phichit.

He should have remembered, this was when they always called.

He had never forgotten before.

Looking down at his phone, he felt himself rip in two. The side that was too afraid to decline inched his finger towards the accept button but the feeling to decline was all too powerful.

Phichit was his best friend, one that he could always talk to. But his mind was reeling. Images of golden, platinum and black swarmed his brain- each image more distorted and grotesque.

He declined.

Two minutes later, he finally muted notifications.

Phichit (58 Unread Messages)

-What happened???

-Are you okay?

-YUURI!

-Yuuri, answer me.

-Please.

-I'm worried...

Yuuri didn't make sleep that night anyway.

-

On Monday, it was his mum that forced him into school. He complained about headaches and pain but his mum wasn't hearing any of it. Although Yuuri had mostly caught up on school work, he was still slightly behind and his mum wouldn't let him miss a day because of it.

He wasn't lying about the headaches, though. In the night, the visions played before him. Memories of the future swam and danced, taunting Yuuri's fragile state.

Yuuri was beginning to tip but he remained stable enough. He wasn't going to fall, not yet, but school wasn't going to do him any good. He could feel the decline, no matter how small it was.

He could see the key flickering in his vision. There and then not. Tricking him into believing it was fake. He always believed the part of him that told him wasn't there, never the part that told him he was. He didn't know why. He didn't want to. He just did. He couldn't control himself.

He couldn't control anything.

With his mum working early and his day going that badly already, he had to take the fifteen-minute walk to the bus station in the freezing cold and wait for another ten before getting on the bus, unwilling to let himself freeze on the slightly longer walk there.

The mild numbness continued through the day, physically and mentally. And when lunch arrived, he didn't turn up. But Viktor knew better than to wait.

He hadn't been at lunch.

He had that far-off look in his eye in class.

He wasn't turning up to their session.

Something was wrong, more than usual.

Viktor was proud that he had managed to hold himself together, though, when he found him shivering on a bench, watching the clouds of breath leave his mouth.

'A bit cold, don't you think?' Viktor smiled, wrapping the slightly woollen trench coat tighter around his body. Yuuri's head whipped around, his eyes wide. Clearly, he hadn't expected to be found. Viktor was surprised too, really, he didn't know why he had searched outside the janitor's entrance but it was the most private place he could think of. And it seemed that day, luck was on his side. 'How about we go to the classroom? There are radiators on in there.' Yuuri nodded and followed as Viktor fled back inside. For a Russian, he really couldn't deal with the cold.

When they reached the classroom, Yuuri immediately strode to the radiators and sat down on the linoleum floor, feeling the burning heat on his back. Painful and blissful all at the same time.

Viktor felt his knees weaken as he watched the small smile grace Yuuri's lips as he pressed his hands to the white metal. Viktor couldn't resist. Following Yuuri's movements, he fell down beside him- glad he still had a coat on to protect himself from the burning sensation Yuuri was no doubt feeling.

He didn't comment on it, though. Yuuri would only rush off or get defensive. There was no need to question his decisions right now, not when he was on the cusp of breaking.

'It's your birthday on Wednesday, right?' Viktor began, trying to ease in with simpler conversation to tempt Yuuri into talking. He got a nod but no voice.

Silence fell and Viktor watched as Yuuri's hand stretched between them, cooling its redness on the cold floor. Viktor wanted to grab it but resisted the sensation with every bit of him. Yuuri was still not his to have.

Still? Did he still think he would ever have a chance?

'I had a vision.' Yuuri spoke up, timid as if he hadn't confined in Viktor a thousand times. Viktor's eyes darted to Yuuri's just as Yuuri's had outside, meeting in a surprisingly comfortable mix of blue and brown.

'What was it?'

'The syringe again.' Viktor already knew that Yuuri was omitting important details but waited to let him speak before butting in. He had long since learnt to fill the silences.

'I know what it means.' Viktor's eyes widened in surprise as he turned to get a better view of Yuuri, wondering if there was any good way to approach it. Questions? A hug? Comfort? Logic?

'What is it?'

'It's the Serum...in my arm.' Viktor knew exactly what that meant. They had all heard to the Serum. It was tested in Russia too, the scandal spreading there first. Viktor remembered it happening, he was only about ten at the time but never had he been more scared in his life.

His parents had been indecisive about whether to use it on him, after all.

'Are you sure?' Yuuri nodded. 'Are you thinking of using it?' Yuuri nodded. 'Yuuri...' he sighed.

'Don't lecture me about this. I've thought it through. I won't do it yet, maybe nearer towards graduation. But I want to. I have to.' Viktor knew there was no argument, the glint in Yuuri's eyes was one of pure determination. Yuuri set on ideas too quickly but once he was set, he was stubborn about it. Viktor could only do one thing, help him through it.

'I'll always be here for you, no matter what you do.' That small smile graced Yuuri's lips again.


	41. ''Happy Birthday, Yuuri!''

Yuuri went into school on Wednesday with a nervous anticipation that was only possible of a person on their birthday. His thoughts scampered like children’s feet as they sprinted between ideas and worries and hopes and fears. Would people even remember it was Yuuri’s birthday? Of course they would. Yet, Yuuri found himself anticipating the worst.

All fears were quelled when he arrived, though, as a present landed in his hand before he even saw the hands of the giver. Yuri stood there, his hair having grown so long that he was beginning to pull it back into a ponytail, smiling gently, his hands pressed against the cardboard box he had handed over.

‘It’s not much,’ Yuri apologised, shyer than he usually was, before continuing. ‘But I thought you deserved something for your birthday.’ Yuuri was shocked, to say the least. Yuri Plisetsky was in no way a sentimental person, rather a sentimentalist hidden behind layers of steel casing.

‘Thank you.’ Yuuri couldn’t find any other words to say, choked by the idea alone of a friend giving him a present. He could not remember anyone but Phichit giving him a present, excluding his parents, in the last five years. Happiness was an understatement of his emotions.

‘Open it then.’ Yuri urged, trying to snarl but a small smile was twitching the corners of his lips up as he tried to hide it. Yuuri’s fingers trembled as he peeled the cardboard away, not caring that there was no wrapping on it. They both understood that Yuri certainly didn’t have money to spare for wrapping or the time to wrap a present at all.

Inside was something Yuuri would have never expected. Inside was a simple, yet beautiful, bracelet. A silver bangle of sorts. Dipping his hand in, Yuuri pulled it out with wide eyes, staring as it glistened in the light. ‘How did you…’ Yuuri was at a loss for words. He could see already, as well as feel, that the silver in his hand was real. The weight a symbol of its authenticity.

‘It doesn’t matter.’ Yuri snapped, as if defensively but soon returned to his usual state, as if Yuuri’s threat had become null. ‘But, do you like it?’ Even if Yuuri hadn’t, he didn’t think he could deny it if Yuri were to look at him like he was, his eyes as wide as saucers, the blue of his iris’ imitating the shine of his bracelet.

Yuuri didn’t feel a need to answer, clicking the silver into place, the lock system so simple that he only had to push and pull to free himself of the cuff. Yuri smiled as Yuuri tested it on his wrist, amazed by the beauty of it. It was as simple as could be yet Yuuri found that was what intrigued him so much.

‘Thank you.’ Yuuri repeated, trapping Yuri into a tight hug, not caring that he could feel the smaller boy stiffen in his arms. He deserved it. ‘I won’t take it off.’ That was a promise that remained for far longer than Yuuri expected.

Lessons dragged on for longer than usual, Yuuri feeling the gaze of his friends as the fidgeted in their seats, wishing to go over and give him their present now. Yuuri didn’t mind too much, excited by the fact that so many people were wanting to celebrate his birthday, but it couldn’t help but slow the clock down until his third period had surely lasted two hours and not one.

‘Yuuri!’ The high pitched squeal was one that Yuuri could pinpoint down to the person immediately. Minami, the red streak in his hair causing him to stand out in the crowd despite his height, was bounding towards him, a hastily wrapped present in his hand. Lunch was in little more than five minutes and Yuuri was in a rush to meet Viktor, who had his own plans for Yuuri’s birthday, but he couldn’t deny his friend of the victory of giving Yuuri his present before anyone else. Well, except Yuri, but Yuuri didn’t want to mention that to Minami.

‘Hi, Minami.’ Yuuri smiled gently, creating a subconscious stance to prepare himself for Minami’s bounding body. Minami, though, to Yuuri’s pleasure, managed to stop before he knocked Yuuri over- as he had done before- and held the present out before Yuuri like a subject presenting its gifts to a king.

‘Happy Birthday, Yuuri! I hope you like it.’ Yuuri opened the packaged hesitantly, his fingers picking at the jagged ends of the paper where the cellotape hadn’t quite stuck. With the present opened, Yuuri quickly balled the paper into his fist and looked at the gift inside with another.

‘Thank you.’ Yuuri flashed Minami another quick smile as he peered at the gift inside. ‘It looks awesome.’ Inside the glass ball was Chicago, covered in snow: a snow globe. Although a curious choice, Yuuri found it fitting. He had been to many places in his life but he didn’t have much memorabilia from any of them. It was shame, really, but he found that with each place he left, he found not want to remember it.

‘I thought because you’re new to Chicago and all that I’d get you something to remember us all by and the city seemed the best way to do so and as it’s so close to snowing…’

‘You don’t have to explain it to me, Minami, it’s really nice. Thank you.’ Yuuri found himself reiterating those three words to everyone but he felt as if he didn’t deserve the plethora of gifts that were being thrown at him, despite his birthday.

Suddenly, Yuuri’s eyes caught the time and remembered just what he was doing. Facing Minami, he finished their conversation: ‘I’ve got to get somewhere but thank you so much for the present!’ By the time he had finished speaking, he was already halfway down the corridor, snow globe and wrapping paper in hand. Swerving down the corridors, he made his way to the dining hall, his stomach gurgling with the want for food. He hadn’t eaten much for breakfast, knowing that he would be eating a lot more throughout the day, especially as his mum was making Katsudon for dinner.

And then, in less than second, Viktor’s word from the day before dawned on him. ‘Don’t eat lunch, I’ll have something for you.’ Yuuri didn’t quite understand but had agreed, willing to sacrifice another meal. (Although his eating habits had been much more healthy as of late, he was still all too willing to give up meals if he had the excuse). He turned on his heel and bounded back the way he came until he reached the familiar door to his Russian classroom, opening the door without knocking and locking it behind him.

‘Viktor?’ He called out, the room was silent and dark except for the persistent sound of someone trying to light a match in the corner of the room. Finally, a single light flashed to Yuuri’s left, a single match being lit. And then a candle. And then, Viktor’s face and his god-awful singing of happy birthday.

Yuuri almost keeled over laughing at the sight. Viktor, trying not to trip on the floor, with a cupcake in his hand and a single, lit candle on top. On top of that, the slightly out of tune, heavily-accented rendition of happy birthday.

‘Happy birthday to Yuuri, happy birthday to you.’ Viktor smiled widely before telling Yuuri to ‘blow out the candle and make a wish!’ Yuuri chucked and let out a small puff and let the candle dwindle out of life before finally turning around the find the light switch.

The ceiling lights came on much too bright and both of them winced at the sudden sensation of burning but neither of the smiles left their faces. Until it dawned upon Yuuri what Viktor was holding. Yes, it was a cupcake, one that looked quite appetising too but that did not mean the great big unicorn that was iced on top was particularly necessary.

‘A unicorn, really?’ Yuuri was still smiling, despite his apparent annoyance.

‘I thought it was cute!’ Viktor defended, handing the cupcake over. ‘Just try it, it tastes good!’

‘You can’t promise that, you haven’t eaten one!’ Yuuri retorted, his eyebrows raising as a challenge. But, Viktor’s deep blush told Yuuri everything he had to know. ‘How many did you eat?’ He sighed.

‘I possibly made six for us to share…’

‘And this is the only one?’ Viktor nodded. Yuuri laughed and bit into the cupcake, swallowing quickly and wallowing in the sweet flavour. ‘These are good but I was sure that it is my birthday and not yours.’ Yuuri retorted sarcastically as he hid a smile behind another bite.

‘It is! Don’t be mean, Yuuri.’ Viktor pouted, crossing his arms like a child. But behind it all, he continued to smile. Neither had the heart to do anything but. It was as if, in that moment alone, they really could forget about everything else. Even if it was there, it wasn’t important. They could face each thing one at a time. There was no rush. And, it was Yuuri’s birthday. He deserved some peace. Even if, in less than two weeks time, that dream would be crushed.

But he wouldn’t think about that. Not yet.

Yuuri finished the cupcake wanting another. Viktor was waiting readily, an anticipatory buzz in his bones. Yuuri raised an eyebrow in question as Viktor fled across the mud-skidded floor, reaching behind his desk and pulling out a small box that could easily tuck itself into the palm of Viktor’s hand.

‘For me?’ Yuuri feigned shock with a hand on his heart and a smile pulling up the corners of his open mouth.

‘Don’t be silly, Yuuri. Of course it is.’ Viktor handed over the small box with a gentle face and delicate hands. ‘I saw it and I thought you would like it. But don’t get any ideas.’ Viktor warned with a smirk.

Yuuri quickly unwrapped the purple ribbon that secured the blue wrapping and gaped at the black, velvet box inside. It opened with a click and inside it was something that Yuuri had to laugh at.

‘A ring!?’ He bellowed, quickly slipping his finger into the golden band. Its carvings were beautiful and although, like Yuri’s bracelet, it was simple, it’s elegance were astounding. ‘Why a snowflake?’ Yuuri asked, truly curious, his doe-eyes widening.

‘I thought it suited you.’ Yuuri shrugged, smiling to say that he didn’t mind that answer at all. In fact, the snowflake really was beautiful. He loved it.

‘It seems I’m getting all the jewellery today.’ Yuuri chuckled, rolling up his sleeves- he still hadn’t gotten out of the habit of wearing long sleeve tops and after all, there were still scars to hide- to show off Yuri’s present (Yuuri was in no way ashamed to reveal the scars that hid underneath the bracelet to Viktor).

‘Hm?’

‘Yuri gave it to me.’ Yuuri smiled down at the bracelet, watching as the ring matched it’s small shine as he moved it in par with the sunlight.

‘Yuri? Yuri got that for you?’ Viktor’s eyes were wide with shock but he didn’t raise his voice, as if he had almost expected this.

‘Yeah, it was really nice of him.’

‘Yeah, it was…’ Viktor trailed off, his eyebrows furrowing into a gentle slope, creasing his forehead, his silver hair falling over his eyes.

‘Are you alright, Viktor?’ Yuuri asked, worry masking his smile for only a second.

‘Oh, of course!’ Viktor reassured, slightly too loud (Viktor was in no way to prepared to tell Yuuri just where that bracelet had come from but was proud of Yuri Plisetsky giving it all the same). Yuuri shrugged it off, too overwhelmed to push any further. Today the focus was on himself no matter how selfish that was.

He at least deserved that.

He and Viktor talked for the rest of lunch, another half an hour of discussing mindless and empty topics but enjoying it all the same. This was not the time to dwell on what was wrong but what was right. Yuuri had to clasp the idea of enjoying life for a day to know what it feels like before he lets it go.

He didn’t think about that. He didn’t think about any of it. He quelled any thought that entered his mind because the Serum was tomorrow. His birthday was today.

Except, Yuuri was never going to be truly free. He had others wrapped around him, caging him. They could take turns protecting him or caging him. It was their choice. And Viktor had decided to end this he had to do it at least once.

‘Yuuri, I didn’t want to bring this up but are you sure about all this? I just have to make sure. You haven’t had any visions in a long time and I was hoping that, maybe-’

‘I’d change my mind?’ Yuuri finished and Viktor nodded, albeit reluctantly. ‘No, Viktor. I haven’t. You don’t know everything.’ Yuuri almost spat.

‘Yuuri, I’m sorry-’

‘Don’t be. This is all me.’ Yuuri stood by the door, his hand on the handle, ready to leave. He turned one final time and addressed Viktor. ‘I don’t have many when I’m awake but when I’m asleep it’s a different story. They’re like nightmares. I see things I don’t want to. I didn’t tell you because…’ Yuuri pondered for a moment but found no answer. ‘Thanks, Viktor, for the ring. It really is beautiful.’ Yuuri left.

Yuuri didn’t hold it against Viktor for his bad timing and poor choice of words but it didn’t save him from another hour of sulking before his friends caught up with him and cured him of his birthday blues.

‘Yuuri, what’s wrong!’ Yuuki whined, her pout pronounced by the red lipstick she had ‘tried out’ today (it was totally not so Takeshi would take her on a date and this time, not Mcdonalds).

‘Nothing, don’t worry about it.’ Yuuri had learnt the hard way to pretend a smile. It worked well enough.

‘Fine but if this is bringing you down, tell us. We’ll help you out.’ She smiled brightly, her teeth gleaming under the pore-revealing florescent lights of the school corridor.

‘It’s nothing, Yuuko. Now, what’s this surprise you are planning?’ Yuuri was suspicious but that fluttering feeling had returned to his stomach at the thought of the extra effort his friends were putting in.

‘Well, I know we’ll all supposed to meet at yours in, well, like, an hour. But, I thought we could quickly drag you shopping and get the birthday boy and an outfit?’ She looked hopeful, her hands clasped at her chest, standing on her tiptoes, still beaming.

‘This was your idea, Minako, wasn’t it?’ She nodded, not embarrassed in the slightest at the accusation. She always got Yuuko to do the asking, Yuuri was always more likely to say yes to her. Minako, although a force of nature herself, was not particularly inclined to charm and was a more abrasive that was quite necessary.

‘Fine but quickly. My parents are setting up but I want to check everything’s going to be okay.’ Yuuko squealed and Minako let a small smile quirk the edges of her lips, looking pleased with herself. Minami and Takeshi looked less excited (although Minami liked shopping, he always had to go to the kid’s section and Takeshi could not stand spending hours upon end in the mall with Yuuko, even if he didn’t mind a bit of browsing).

In the end, they spent far too long in the mall but Yuuko still delighted in finding Yuuri the perfect outfit whilst Minako stood as judge, which- surprisingly- was the reason the process had taken so long. When they arrived back at Yuuri’s house, Yuri was already waiting outside, shivering slightly in the winter air.

‘Where have you been? It’s fucking freezing!’ He complained and Yuuri chuckled, opening the door slowly to see what his mum had done. He froze in shock and let the door swing open, the cold November air blustering it open without assist. A large banner was hung from the walls, the writing in bold, white letters: ‘Happy Birthday, Yuuri!’ At just the right moment, his mum hurried out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron, which were still slightly oily from cooking. The simple thought of her making Katsudon was almost enough for Yuuri to run into the kitchen and eat it already.

‘Hope you like it.’ She smiled and urged him into the living room where the main spectacle awaited. To say Yuuri was even more shocked was an understatement. The living room, which was normally a plain beige room with a ragged sofa and an old silver box that they called a TV, had become a haven for balloons, a large speaker tucked away in the corner playing what surely was some birthday playlist his mum had found on Yuuri’s laptop- he still regretted giving her the password.

The music was loud enough for Yuuri to feel the beat but overall the effect was just what he had wanted. It felt like a real party, a house party almost- even with the lack of effects. ‘Yuuri, this is so cool! My parents would never do this for me!’ Minami awed, picking up a balloon and bouncing it on his hand, delighted in the way it drifted down after he smacked as hard as he could into the air. Takeshi was quick to intervene and bash the balloon out of Minami’s grip, which landed right on Yurio’s face, much to his dismay.

Within seconds, there was full on balloon fight, each and every one of the laughing when they got hit with the harmless plastic of the balloon, spurred on by the excessively cheesy music. They laughed until they were too out of breath to hit them anymore and soon people were scattered across the sofa and the floor, chatting between themselves and one at a time giving Yuuri their presents.

Over the course of the next half an hour, more guests arrived. Emil the last which spurred on the game of ‘hit the final person to arrive with a balloon’ which quickly ended when Emil shouted for mercy and they all fell back into their groups, Michelle sticking closely to Emil’s side whilst Otabek remained as far as everyone but as close to Yuri as possible.

Despite it, the party was still going perfectly and Yuuri was delighted to see that not only had his mum cooked Katsudon for him but for all of them. Luckily, her time running an inn when they had lived in Japan had given her experience enough in cooking for large amounts of people.

And Yuuri was pretty sure she was delighted with the enamoured compliments she was given for her skill. Yuuri was just glad that he had others who understood the sheer delightfulness of his favourite meal.

Yuuri found that by the time the party was dying down, he was still smiling- no fake smiles, or laughs. All true. All because of his friends and what they had done for him. They may not have known much, they may have only seen glimpses of him but they still accepted him. And maybe, just maybe, one day Yuuri could open up to him.

In that moment, watching as Emil and Minami fought over the last piece of birthday cake, he promised himself that he would open up to his friends just as they would open up to him. Even if that time was a long, long time away.


	42. ''It Didn't Want Me To Tell You''

In the darkness of his bedroom, Yuuri curled in on himself, his back curving inwards until the position is almost fetal. His fists clenched into tight balls as the moonlight flitted through the gap in his heavy curtains. The floor was a blur now, spinning and dancing and laughing at him as it moves and jumps.

Pain ripped through him as he sat up, his head slamming against the wall like a break, heavy and burdensome. He waited. He waited for it to fade, the pounding headache and the poison in his veins. Somewhere, he hoped this was all a dream- something he could forget.

He shook, his eyes wide in terror, staining the brown with glass as tears rolled down his cheeks. He hadn't felt this pain in a week, long enough for him to forget. As hard as he had been trying, he knew from the start that it wouldn't work.

He clutched himself and rocked, the movement dulling the ever-growing pain. Trying to stand was impossible now, a feat that he had tried when it had first hit and not again. His muscles were useless and the pain had shattered his bones.

He didn't know when it would end. It just kept going. He looked at the clock and although the numbers were a mere blur, he could see the hands vague direction. 4 am. Four hours. Four hours of excruciating pain.

Why did he ever expect to forget? Why didn't he get help? No, he couldn't get help, he couldn't. No one was supposed to know, he was supposed to be controlling his power. But alas, it was controlling him. And he couldn't stop it. He let it poison him and leave him for dead in the morning.

He didn't sleep often nowadays. The episodes came once to twice a week. And still, he hadn't told a soul. Always when he was alone. Never with another. It was a taunt, almost. Telling him not to get help. It was sentient; he knew that much. He knew that was why it was dangerous. He knew that was why he had to get rid of it. He knew that was why it was so angry.

Gripping his head like an anchor, he fell back down to his bed, the plush blue duvet sinking around his weight. It was almost comfortable for a second, dulling the headache to a minor inconvenience. But, of course, it would only let him believe that he was free of it. Worse than before, his head crushed itself, his heart pumping rapidly and each and every vein, artery and capillary burning like his blood had turned to acid.

He groaned, smothering his face with his pillow, suffocating himself to the best of his ability. It was times like these where he almost lost all progress; times where his fingers reached for the scissors with military precision and balanced them over his arm. But he never did. He never did the one thing that might be able to dart his mind elsewhere, to make the power realise that it was not in control. He was.

But he wasn't. He never was. The power had ruined him since birth. It didn't appear, laughing in the cavern of his heart as everyone pushed him away and then appeared when he was finally accepted by a group, once he had become apart of something.

He would never let himself lose that progress anyway. So much work, so much strength. He wasn't going to throw it away. No, he would throw his power away.

His alarm rang, 6 am. How had time passed so quickly? The force of time was beyond him, just as the power was beyond him. It rang and rang and rang until the noise pained his ears to the point of further excruciation. Slamming his hand on the off button, silence fell. With silence, came peace. As it always does. Time to wake up, the world taunted and the power finally stepped away. It always let him get on with his day, never disturbing him, never letting him tap into it as he could when he was in the cloud of agony. It always stayed dormant when anyone could ask what was wrong or tell him that he looked like he hadn't slept.

To anyone else, it was like it didn't exist at all. So, Yuuri pretended it didn't.

-

Tap, tap, tap. His fingers clenched around the pen, tapping again and again. The clicking became background noise as he waited, his nerves jumpy and his mind spinning until he could feel the bile in his throat. He didn't usually have to wait, no, this was all wrong. Although, after all that had happened, it was no surprise.

'Sorry I'm late!' Viktor bustled in and finally, Yuuri's fingers let the pen fall, the tight muscles uncoiling to leave a burning ache. As the pen clattered to the floor, Yuuri focused on his feet, swinging back and forth as repetitively as the clicks of the pen. His eyes darted anywhere but Viktor, his heart pumping blood like a factory, the palpitations beating at his chests, each one another bruising punch.

Finally looking up, he took in Viktor's appearance, the mussed silver hair falling into his face and the ruffled, un-ironed shirt. Since Viktor had been elected as a form tutor, a bad decision for the most part, he hadn't been doing so well. Taking care of a gaggle of teenagers, barely out of middle school, was not a task that Viktor was capable of doing and it was so obvious in the deep circles under his eyes and the forming wrinkles in his forehead- stressful days clearly leading to sleepless night.

Daily lunch visits became weekly and it was already nearing Viktor's birthday and he was seeming to be in no better state. Yuuri hadn't thought much of the new promotion but according to Viktor, it wasn't as easy as they made it out to be, having been given the bunch of kids that definitely didn't conform to any rules or, for that matter, any etiquette.

Yuuri had tried to help but he couldn't do much in the form of physical help, his social skills as inept as Viktor's ability to shut up.

'It's fine. You've got a lot on your plate.'

'Ugh! I hate this, Yuuri! I had to hand off another detention just to make it today.' Viktor ran a shaky hand through his hair, barely managing to mimic its usual perfected state. Loosening his tie and sitting on the desk opposite Yuuri's, his face grew grim and the usual smile on his face faded into a reserved shyness that he didn't often express. Yuuri fiddled with his ring nervously, the symbol having become one of hope whenever it came to this, just as the bracelet formed a cage on his wrist, locking away the scars beneath it.

'But, I didn't come to talk about that.' Viktor sighed, the whiteness of his skin suddenly more prominent under the scrutiny of Yuuri's eyes. Or maybe it was just the fluorescent lights. No, that didn't seem right. Only now did Yuuri see the true nerves moulding his posture, his face, his mannerisms.

'Viktor, if-'

'No, let me speak first.' Viktor took a deep breath, blue eyes pooling with fear and concern. 'I know you don't want to hear this but I want to warn you. The Serum, I was there when it was made. I was next on the list. When I was younger, you can understand that my power was not ideal.' Viktor laughed awkwardly, trying to cover up his fragile emotions with false humour. 'But Yuuri,' his face morphed grim again and Yuuri could feel his hairs raise suddenly, his heart thundering louder than before. 'I saw what happened to those people. I only want to help and no matter what, I will help but I'd rather not have to help at all.'

Viktor stared down at his feet, a sudden act of passiveness that Yuuri didn't see often from him, his faux ego thrown away in favour of his true personality underneath. No matter what, no matter how bad he was at comforting him, Viktor cared. Too much sometimes.

'I've already seen it. My mind’s made up. I know what it does and I'm willing to do that...' Yuuri paused, mulling over his next words, letting the silence separate them further. 'Because it hurts having this power. I didn't tell you, I didn't want you to worry, I was fine, kind of. But, the power has been emerging more. At night, when I'm alone, I always see the orange serum and every time its agony. I accept what's going to happen because it will be worth it.'

Viktor stared as Yuuri avoided his gaze, his eyes darting all over the room, staring at the doodles on the desks and the smudges on the whiteboard, to focus on anything but his words.

'Why?'

'Why what?' Yuuri evaded.

'Why didn't you tell me? It wasn't so I wouldn't worry.'

'I know.' Yuuri admitted, his eyes blurring with frightened tears.

'Tell me. Please.'

'I wanted to forget about it.'

'How much did it hurt?'

'A lot.'

'On a scale of 1-10.'

'10.'

'And you thought that by not mentioning it that you could forget it was happening?'

'It only seemed to happen to me when I was alone.'

'You said you were sleeping better.'

'I am.'

'So they don't wake you up?'

'They do.'

'Why won't you just tell me the truth?' Yuuri's eyes darted again and found them locked on another's. Fear ran through him, cold and violent, its hand clutching at his heart, beating it for him, fast, faster.

Viktor wasn't angry, that was the first thing Yuuri noticed. It was not enough for the fear to release him but its arm went limp and the beats became regular, the erratic chaos fading into a wash of numb. Concern was etched into his face, his thin lips pulling into a frown but his eyebrows creased together worriedly.

'I don't know.'

'I thought we'd got past this.' Viktor sighed, sliding off the desk and into his seat, slumping down and taking his tie off completely, throwing it to the corner without a care. Rubbing his face in his hands, Viktor finally looked up again, the bags under his eyes suddenly looking violently dark, like bruises circling his eyes.

'Past what?'

'Stop it, I don't want to get angry at you. That's not fair.' Viktor crumpled, his head falling into the cross of his arms against the table. He looked drained, deathly pale and skinny like he had never been before. It was surprising how much physical damage emotions could do.

'I wanted to tell you.'

'So why didn't you?'

'Because it doesn't want me to.' Viktor's head snapped up, his eyes wide, blue eyes pooling with unidentifiable emotion.

'It?'

'The- the power.'

'But what do you mean?'

'The power, it- it didn't want me to tell you.' Yuuri trembled in his seat, goosebumps raised as bile filled his throat, the taste of sick salivating his tongue.

'You talk as if it is real.' Fear. Fear, fear, fear. Like a raging flame, fear burned through them.

'I think it might be.'

'That's crazy.'

'Just as crazy as me having this power in the first place.'

'It's impossible.'

'It seems that a lot of my life has been impossible.'

'Yuuri, you need help, proper help.'

'And I'm going to get it!' Yuuri shouted, his voice booming unnaturally around the room, alerting those in the corridor, the door rattling when someone tried to see what was going on. They both ignored it. Something was wrong, really wrong.

Viktor, unfortunately, was a man that tended to forget things. Or, more likely, passed over them, oblivious. Weeks this had been happening, he realised. Weeks. Yuuri's temper had been spiralling. All those times Yuuri sat in silence and Viktor had tried to console him but no, Yuuri didn't need consoling. He was sitting in silence so he didn't have an outburst.

But it wasn't Yuuri, was it? This was the real reason he wanted so desperately to do it that he wouldn't even let Viktor try and persuade him otherwise. Something was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong.

'I'm sorry.' Viktor backed away, pushing his chair away from the desk until it hit the wall.

'I'm scared.' The voice was so sudden that Viktor jumped, his eyes darting to the trembling form on the desk.

'Yuuri, you're going to get help just calm down. Please, calm down. Don't be scared.' Viktor could barely find the words, his mouth was uncharacteristically silent, the words stilted and awkward. Consoling, for all the times he had done it, was still not his forte.

Before he knew it, Yuuri was sobbing, curling up on himself again. Protecting himself. Hiding himself. Viktor couldn't do much but wrap his arms around him, both a tacit apology and comfort.

'Calm down, you're okay. Calm down.' He soothed, his fingers gently running over Yuuri's back.

'It's not okay.'

'It will be.'

'How do you know?'

'You say this power is living but it's not. It's all in your mind. Why would it show you the Serum if it were real? You're just scared. Don't be. It's okay. You're going to get help, okay?' Yuuri nodded but didn't unravel himself, even with Viktor's arms firmly around his waist.

'Why is it always me?' Yuuri sobbed into his knees, his body slowly coming undone as Viktor leaned further into him.

'I don't know. You don't deserve this.' Yuuri's head raised up and met Viktor's eyes. Blue and brown, perfect opposites and a perfect match. Viktor leaned up, brushing the soaked strands of hair from his face, the coarse texture saturated with tears, and without a single hesitation, pressed his lips to Yuuri's cheek. The best he could muster right now.

Because even after all this, it was still wrong. Viktor just had to wait.

-

Trying to explain his and Yuuri's argument had been hard enough and now, on a Saturday morning before the sun had even risen, he had to deal with this. This. How ridiculous was that? This, this, this. Such stupid 'this'.

The phone in his hand strained under his clutches, his knuckles paler than his hair. He waited, listening to the jabbering of the woman who he wished he hadn't got ties to. But, inevitably, he had. This was his mother. His stupid, stupid mother.

In all honesty, he didn't hate his mother. But, in times like this, he wished he could. It was like being a teenager again, slamming doors dramatically and pretending that the 'I hate you's' he said were real.

'Viktor, I just want you to come home.'

'And I already told you that I wouldn't. I have a life here. I can visit if you'd like, I'd like to see you but moving back is not an option.'

'Why? What's keeping you there? It's not as if you have a great job or a family. Come back, we'll let you work in the firm. Or, if you're so set on teaching, we'll find you a job in one of the higher paying institutes. Just come back.'

'Why are you so set on me coming back, ma?'

'I want what's best for you, Vitya. And,' she paused like the next few words were the only ones Viktor had meant to hear. 'Yakov wants you back. The business' shares are losing value. They want you back.' And there it was, the reason for everything. Stupid, Viktor thought, for ever having thought that it could be any different.

'I'm not going into the business, I said that years ago. You said that was okay.'

'That's because it wasn't ruining the business.'

'So the business is more important than me?'

'No, Viktor. But think, you can't sustain your life if the business fails. If you do this, I have to cut you off. We simply can't afford it. You'll pay your own rent and buy your own food. Independent, just like you always should have been.'

'Fine.' He spat, the words false on his tongue.

'Fine.' The phone hung up. With a heaving sigh, he falls back onto the bench, the dim lights of the park barely lighting up the evergreen leaves above him. He cursed himself for this. He could afford rent, sure, but not for the place he was at. It dawned on him, rash and suddenly, that he had always been dependent on his parents. Even now, only a few years until he hit thirty, he was dependent on them. The curse of having wealthy parents, it is far too easy to fall into that sense of comfort.

And now he didn't have it, he was isolated and alone. He knew this wasn't the end of his relationship with his family and he was grateful for that but he was certain that all those distant relatives, the ones that helped the company, would see him as the enemy. Unfortunately, that was just as daunting. He would be the reason his parents would lose the company but right now, he couldn't think of them. He had his own life and he wasn't about to ruin it for his parents' sake. He loved them to bits but he wouldn't sacrifice the rest of his working days, his current days, for them.

And what good would he do anyway? He wasn't a businessman. He was too kind, too just and too fair for that. He had no training and barely the education to do so and certainly not the right qualifications: a degree in Philosophy wasn't going to get him far.

It dawned on him again that he could not afford his current location. He had to pay the bills on the first, a time that was coming all too soon. He would have to sell it. Great, he's sacrificed his home for this life. Well, maybe downsizing wouldn't be too bad. It was only him and Makka, after all. It would be fine.

It would always be fine.

It would not be fine were Yuuri's thoughts. Crippled on his bed, the sweat beading down his temple, he knew it would not be okay. If he hadn't accepted it before, he had now. The Serum was his only option. The only one. He would have to take it and no matter the consequences, he had to save himself from this...this life force inside of him.

The pain ripped through him once more and he stumbled off the bed but he does something he had never done before. He called for help. He screamed it. Until his mother burst in, his father and sister not far behind, and he screamed louder. It warned him, loudly, with another knife to his gut that he shouldn't have done that but he doesn't listen. He only said one word. And they listened. The Serum. He said it again, as many times as he could.

And they listened. They listened so intently that he wondered why they weren't moving. It was the shock, he registered, somewhere deep in his mind. But the pain was still in him, ripping apart his limbs one by one. Another warning.

But then it stopped. All at once like a floodgate opening. It stopped.

Yuuri told his whole family what had happened. He explained it all: every detail, every thing, every single word he had already told Viktor. He even told them about Viktor. They smiled, all the way, they smiled. They were his support network, even if he sometimes he forgot it. Through every move and every nosy reporter, his parents had protected him. His sister, for all her faults, stood up for him no matter what- back when they were at school together she would never let a bully touch him. At least, not when she was in sight.

They all stood around the computer, huddled tight, squinting at the blaring screen. The Serum: the name of the website in all its simplicity. And a button- 'applications'. When he clicked, he realised what he had done but he didn't care. His parents looked down and smiled, the smile that he learnt to miss and couldn't help but run towards with open arms.

Why hadn't he just told them? Things just went too quickly now. His life was passing in a blur. Was that what it was like to be happy? It was almost disheartening. A quick, happy life or a slow, miserable one. Yuuri knew what he had chosen and he didn't regret it a bit because even throughout the pain, there was that hope, that happiness and he was about to solve it all.

Not without consequences, he had to remind himself. But, no matter what the Serum did, it would be better than this. He had support, he had love and he had hope. So, after filling in his details, he finally pressed send, a warm smiling spreading on his face.

And, at the exact same moment, barely thirty minutes away, Viktor broke down.

Then, the next day, the confirmation came. Yuuri was going to do it. He was going to take it: the Serum.


	43. ''We're A Team Now''

The cold came first, biting and harsh. The light came second, the effulgence of the fluorescent lights something so stereotypical of a laboratory that he almost didn't believe it. It was so surreal, all of it. So unprecedented too. It chilled him, his hands shaking visibly, his shadows doubling, tripling, quadrupling, until he was shaking.

The woman behind him smiled and assured him that he would see his family soon. That everything would be okay. He was safe now. He knew he wasn't safe, though. This fear that wracked him was enough to signify that nothing was okay.

It had all happened too quickly, every second that passed was a minute of his life. Sped up sixty times until he felt like he was skipping whole scenes out entirely. He could barely remember his week at school. Miserable, he guessed. It always was. Whether he liked the people there or not, he wasn't an academic person. He was good with numbers luckily and enjoyed art and had lived in enough places to be good at languages but together it meant that he was good at three of the nine subjects he did. That was far from a majority and he could say that he wasn't doing much in the way of passing any of them.

The buzzing from the speakers whined at him as the palm that hovered near the small of his back urged him forwards eagerly. She was a kind woman, from what he could tell, her smile not plastered on like a sticker but genuine. She was glad to help.

They hadn't talked much but she had been a reassurance, assuring him that although the gossip around the procedure suggested dire consequences, the actual event wasn't nearly as painful as he might expect. They'd take it one step a time; it was a long process but one Yuuri was willing to wait out.

The woman finally dropped her hand and pushed ahead of him, her dark skin contrasting thankfully against the clinical white of the door as she pushed it open to reveal the final laboratory.

It wasn't all that different to what he'd seen already. The clean tiled walls were as white as the rest of it and matched the slightly scuffed tiles of the floor. The lights were brighter in here, more frequent. According to the doctor, it was to make their life easier when separating the solution and taking out only what they needed. The chemical that the Serum was derived from was highly toxic and it took a lot of time and money to extract the final product.

Yuuri listened with an eager ear as she continued to explain, the room devoid of anyone else, of anything else. Just the sound of her voice. He found his eyes drifting and blurring, focusing on his hearing, the words mere noise.

'Yuuri? Are you okay?' He nodded lucidly and blinked a few times to clear himself before looking up.

'Yeah, fine.'

'Are you sure? This decision can take people years. You’re one of our youngest patients for a while.'

'I am?'

'Yes, excluding some of the babies. They're not frequent, though. Most people here are in their twenties or thirties.' The woman smiled again, a gentle beam that warmed him until he relaxed. The news wasn't meant to shock him but he couldn't help but freeze slightly at the news. He knew he had pushed into this too quickly but he couldn't think what time could change. He was going to go through with this, no matter what.

'Oh. Well, I guess I'm just the decisive one, aren't I?' He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head, wincing as he found a cut- where he had got it from, he had no idea.

'Yes, it seems so.' She paused, turning around and checking what looked like an IV drip without the wire that would allow any liquid into the patient. 'This is going to take a while to ready but make yourself comfortable. Your room for tonight is being prepared. You know what is happening, correct?'

'Yes, here tonight, gone tomorrow? Checks every week.'

'Good listener, aren't you?' She smiled gently again, turning away from him with ease whilst he wished to turn her back around and beg for reassurance.

'I hope so.' He whispered, more to himself than anyone else, finally letting himself swing his legs onto the bed and lay himself down. The metal frame creaked under his weight but the flimsy futon laid on it was enough to keep him comfortable as he waited.

He watched, almost forensically as the woman examined the bag, wondering whether he really was a good listener. He couldn't remember her name, after all, and surely at some point, she had told him.

Hours passed. Small talk filled the passing time effortlessly as the doctor complained about the length of the procedure. She assured him, though, that the actual injection would not be long at all, it was simply the process of making it that took so long.

Each batch had to be made individually and as Yuuri had arrived early in the morning, they were unable to make it overnight- after all the staff had gone home. The white began to diffuse with the orange colour that Yuuri had seen so often, the darting of coloured particles almost pretty if not for the knowledge of what they would do.

'Okay, Yuuri. It's nearly ready. I think we can start testing now.' The woman approached him with care and ushered him off the bed with a warm tone. 'It will not be much, only a few blood draws but first, I need you to go on the treadmill. Five minutes should do.' Yuuri nodded, full of dread as he approached the metal machine and stepped on it with unbridled caution.

Yuuri, although he had been quite sporty in younger years, had avoided it for years- ever since the sports teams had turned into gangs of bullies and not friendly faces. Alongside from the avoidance of any team activity, his lack of appetite had left him frail and any muscle that he had retained was long gone. He wasn't sure if he could even stand five minutes of running.

The doctor pressed the buttons for him, putting it on the correct settings for the results she needed and set the timer for five minutes. He began slow, his feet clattering against the rubber with light thuds but by three minutes, it was sending him faster than he had ever run in years: a speed barely above a jog but still enough to send him into ragged pants and crumpling muscles.

The timer went off with a shrill vibration and Yuuri stopped the treadmill himself before he clambered to the bed as quickly as possible before relieving his legs of any weight. His hairline was sticky with sweat and he could feel the fabric of his t-shirt cling desperately to his skin.

'This is going to affect some things.' She said with pity, observing Yuuri's form with scrutinising eyes.

'I can still go through with this, can't I?' Yuuri wished he didn't sound so desperate, the words coming out in a flurry but it was no use. Without this, Yuuri wasn't sure what he was going to do with himself. He was sick of lying, sick of the pain and sick of trying to tame something irrevocably wild.

'Yes but we're going to have to be careful. I think it would be best for you to stay here for longer than just tonight. We'll contact your parents.' She paused, looking over at one of the three monitors in the room, each in their own corner, and examining the results. 'You're physical form is weaker than anyone I've ever seen. Have you been eating properly?' Yuuri shrugged weakly, bowing his head in shame as she gave him a pitiful look.

'I had eating problems, a while back. I'm recovering.' He admitted, his eyes flooding with never-shed tears.

'Okay, that's fine. As I said, though, you'll have to stay a bit longer so we can monitor you.' He nodded again, words clogging in his throat. 'I'll take the blood samples now. We need to check the state of your immune system. Some people are prone to attacking the Serum and we'll have to take extra precautions of this is the case. We try and keep any chances of other pathogens at bay. The Serum is much faster spreading than it used to be and that tends to clear a lot of the problems but it can make the side-effects much more instantaneous as well as more severe. If anything, I'm glad that we're keeping you here for a bit longer.' Yuuri tried not to block out her words, the reality sinking into his heart like dread in his stomach.

'How soon will the side-effects come? I was told it can take months.'

'A decade ago, maybe. It should be about a day or two. But, they fade faster now. It shouldn't be as dangerous.' She spoke as she readied the needle and held it over his wrist, just below his bracelet, the silver sparkling reassuringly. She pushed it in and extracted barely a centimetre of blood before drawing it back out and going over to the workstation where she could put it through a centrifuge and examine it.

Another hour passed with Yuuri lost in his own thoughts and the doctor busy with her work before everything was finally ready and the needle was filled with the colour that he had learnt to dread. With an order from the doctor, he pulled off his t-shirt and revealed his arm for the needle, his arms huddled around his body self-consciously.

The needle was in and out so fast that he barely had the time to register the spark of pain at all. But it was not the needle that would cause the pain. Almost immediately, he keeled over at the burning sensation throughout his body. Not painful, almost awfully so. It was like adrenaline, no, it was like a drug. Yuuri understood that now; he already felt the sensation in his body. This wasn't something to make you happy or relaxed, this was something else entirely. Something...comforting. Warm like fire as it burned him inside out.

He gasped as the sensation faded and left an wanting in his bones. 'That's it begun. We'll show you the daily dosage tomorrow and how to do it yourself. For now, just try and relax. A lot of things are going to happen in these next 24 hours.'

Yuuri lay back on the bed, his whole body trembling, an instant withdrawal from the golden liquid- molten gold, stardust. For once, he was glad that he had taken a month from school; he wasn't sure how he could bear this if he had to do anything more than lay on a bed until it all wore off.

He still found that he didn't regret a thing. No, this was exactly what he wanted to do. He lay back and let the whole world fly by him, the clock spinning and spinning- uncontrollably fast. The doctor came in and out, new ones joined her and left just as soon. As the fourth hour passed, his eyes were too blurred to keep open and he let himself succumb to darkness, flashes of gold staining the otherwise untainted black.

The fifth hour passed and his body stilled, his muscles contorting agonisingly inwards. He heard the shouts of the doctors as man after woman came in to try and help. Nothing worked. His muscles were frozen rigid as the burning screamed through him. He tried to open his mouth and let out a choked sob but his jaw was locked too tight. He curled up on himself and wrapped his rigid arms around his bent knees.

The cramps didn't stop for another hour, the clock ticking backwards.

The screams fazed to buzzing and the drugs in his veins finally made their effect. Although his legs were still locked, he was free to move his arms, his eyes blurred with tears as he stared down at his immobilised legs, the numbness far more painful than any physical injury.

The doctor's tried to calm him but nothing could silence the running tears and choking, heartfelt sobs. It took another hour for his legs to loosen, collapsing exhaustedly to the bed as he let out a sigh of relief.

Tears stained his cheeks and puffed his red eyes but he didn't care, wiggling his toes with a small smile. It wasn't as if he had expected it to be any different, even if the doctor's said this wasn't usual. It was supposed to be painful, wasn't it? This was just his penance for ridding its body of what held it together. Who knew what would happen once his body flushed itself of his power: he could be left an empty shell or a new man.

He shut his eyes and blocked his ears to the panicked doctors who were looking for the cause of his severe muscle cramps. He let himself relax and the faithful black wash over him like a paintbrush across his vision, leaving a smear in its wake.

He breathed lightly, the panic from earlier barely subsided as his chest fell and rose rapidly. He tried to take his mind off of it, to think of anything else. 'Yuuri?' The tap on his shoulder was enough for him to jolt awake with a shock, his eyes snapping open and his body freezing up instinctively. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to say that we're going to take you to your room now.' She smiled down at him and Yuuri returned it bleakly as he heaved himself off the bed and onto the ice-cold floor, the thin base of his shoes barely enough to protect him.

He didn't speak as they led him down corridor after corridor, promising that he wouldn't have to make the trip back to the lab and everything from now on would be done in the rehabilitation unit. His room was 14B, a small area with a single bed and a chest of drawers and the few belongings he had brought placed on top of the creaky mattress. The doctor's left him be, pointing at the button on the wall that would call for help if he needed it, and he quickly unpacked his little belongings, most of them being flung in the top drawer of the dresser, and fell silently back onto the bed.

Staring at the ceiling, he tried to regret his choice. He could see now, with only a sleep vest on, the small red dot on his shoulder where the needle had been inserted. They hadn't plastered it yet as they would need to check its condition over the next few days. With the first of the symptoms coming as a shock, they were on high alert for any sort of manifestation of pain or pathogens.

He buried himself in the layers of covers and tried to breathe again, finding that he still couldn't muster more than shallow breaths. The black washed over him again, like a warm blanket in the summertime. Sweat pooled in the curve of his back and his hair stuck to his forehead. With a violent kick, he pushed the duvets away and left himself shivering in the darkness, his body still sweating profusely.

He stared at the button on the wall, a dainty blue circle with the words help written in bold. He wanted to press it, he really did but as he tried to sit up and the sense of vertigo kicked in, he regretted it instantly. Why had they been so stupid as to put the button on the other side of the room?

He shut his eyes tightly and tried to focus on anything but the heat and the cold, ice on the fire of his skin. He counted his breaths and played an invisible piano with his fingers but nothing came of it, the heat was overpowering. He couldn't stop shaking.

He tried to sit up again to find his own body go against his will and stick itself to the bed. He shut his eyes and hid the tears but he could do nothing to hide the choking in his throat. He had bore enough pain for one day, why did that have to happen too? He'd done this to escape the pain and he had only gotten himself more.

He still did not regret it.

Images start to flash in his vision, none that he could make sense of. He could tell what was happening immediately. This was not the usual symptoms of the Serum because...because no power had ever fought back before.

He screamed as his spine curved like his power was trying to beat out of his chest. The searing headache burned him as it tried to crush his mind, letting only focus on one thing, one picture.

In the haze of pain, he could not decipher it at all. It was a room- white and sterile like the lab- and people. A lot of people. He screamed again as the faces turned and his body jolted through the trauma of the shock. There were so many faces. In all colours and shapes. Surrounding him, so many surrounding him. All shouting at him.

The picture didn't go even when someone pounded his door. He could barely hear the screams that escaped his throat anymore as his body tore itself apart. It was like peace was always one step ahead, always just out of reach. He was stuck in a bubble of chaos- unending and agonising.

The knocking was persistent and he could hear the shouts of fear through the thick door but it only blended into the picture. They were surrounding him. He could hear them now, all giving their own pleas for his well-being; 'are you okay?', 'Yuuri, can you speak to me?, 'what's happening?'. He tried to block them all but his mind was screaming alongside them.

The torture did not end even when the door flung open and doctor's bustled in, curious patients peeking through the doorway like children. It was only now that Yuuri realised that he was having a seizure as doctor after doctor ordered each other about, emergency shots going into his arms and a paramedics team coming in to try and stop whatever was happening. Whatever this was, it was no normal seizure.

'I can...it's my power. I can...see.' He choked out with a gasp at anyone who was nearby, the blur of faces unidentifiable. They nodded in understanding; his file would have said what his power was and it wasn't hard to infer what he meant.

It only sent the doctors into a further frenzy, all questioning each other about what was the best course of action. Someone was on the phone to his parents, not that he could tell, and was asking them whether this had happened before. It had, maybe not as severe, but it had. His power liked to punish him.

They surrounded him, the faces blurring together and as the image in his mind vanished, he found it corporeal right in front of him. They asked question after question but his voice was too hoarse and his throat to dry; his body refused, like his power knew that it would only make things worse.

The state of disorder lasted right into the time where Yuuri's body failed and he succumbed to unconscious with surprising ease. When he woke, he had not moved at all. But now, feeling the uncomfortable lethargy of illness, he noticed the IV drips that were plugged into his arms and the heart monitor beating away in the corner, the numbers meaning nothing to Yuuri's groggy eyes.

'Yuuri, you awake?' He nodded dumbly. 'Good, that's a relief. You gave us quite the shock there.' He could tell by voice alone that it was the woman from earlier and that was enough to calm him into accepting his situation. 'The other doctors were going to send you back to the lab but I thought it would be better for you to stay here, where it's more comfortable. We're afraid this might not be the only time this happens.' Yuuri nodded again, the repetitive movement so implanted in his mind that he couldn't remember a time where he had ever given the answer no and shaken his head.

'Are you able to sit up?' He didn't answer, only did as he was told and ignored the quick-fading vertigo that threatened to throw him back down again. 'Good, that's good.' She assured before rifling through his bedside drawer, where none of his own belongings were kept, and drew out a needle.

'I'm sorry to bring this on you so early but its essential you know what you're doing from the beginning,' she apologised, wiping the needle down with disinfectant before she brought out a vial of molten gold and pushed the thin metal in. 'You need to know how to do this yourself. How much and when. You'll need to fill it to here,' she drew back the syringe until it was less than a tenth full and pulled it out of the small vial, where the majority of the liquid was still left. 'That's all. Keeping it in low quantities should ward off any addiction. Do this morning and night and make sure you have time around it, you don't want to be doing activities with it still running strong in your system.' He nodded again, barely listening to a word as she handed over the needle and led his hand to a place slightly below where the last little red dot was left. He pushed it in himself but he knew she was doing most of the work when it was her then pushed the liquid in and left it to him to suffer the consequences.

'I won't stay but I've left a sheet on your bedside table, make sure to have a look at it.' She left without another word, leaving Yuuri to revel in the bliss of the burning with only sleep on his mind after such a long bed rest.

The clock in his room said five pm when he finally left his bed, barely straying a meter when he remembered the IV drips he was connected to and sat back down on the bed, unwilling to drag along the two metal poles, despite them both being on wheels.

He reached out to see what the woman had left him with peaked curiosity, his mind buzzing to do something. It was all too suddenly that the reality came crashing down. This wasn't home, this wasn't anything like home. He had nothing to distract him here. There was no reason he couldn't go on his laptop but that was all that way across the room now: unreachable. He was left in his bed with nothing but a sheet of paper in his hands stating the 'absolutely, mind-blowingly fun activities' the centre provided. I mean, who doesn't want to do 'chat in a garden' where you speak about your experiences and have a deep, meaningful discussion about the thing you hate.

He watched the clock tick by until nightfall. His hands reached out steadily for the drawer, taking out one of the three vials and a single clean needle, alongside the disinfectant for the needle. He went through the procedure as precisely as the doctor had but when it came to the time where he put the liquid into the syringe, his mind snapped like a spring.

He pulled only a dribble out before staring at it with cruel eyes. Filling it to halfway, he freed the needle from its casing and put the vial, which had lost most its contents, back in its place.

His hands shook as he brought the clean needle to his red-dotted skin, pushing it in with medical professionalism. At first, the fear was too great, he pushed in the correct allocation and let the surging burn reign his body. It was too easy a mistake to make. With it in his system, his body begged for more. It was with no hesitation when his thumb down and sent another four loads into his drugged-up body.

He smiled through the haze as he vision tainted gold and his blood burned like a raging forest fire. A laugh bubbled out in his throat and he let it out with a choking cough. He revelled in it. It didn't leave him this time either. It burned his power away like bleach in his system; his body screamed at him to stop but it was too good. He could make a month's worth of treatment go in a week, this could all go. Everything would be okay.

He fell asleep with it still in his system, his body buzzing lightly even in sleep. He didn't cry that night, or scream but rather he smiled as warm, glowing dreams graced his mind. For the first time in weeks, he slept well.

He thanked his body. He'd always assume that an overdose would be so bad for his system but here he was, breaking the rules. The rules were only precautions, anyway, taking a little too much would do him no harm.

Taking five loads of it, now that, that would harm him.

Groggily, he came back to life, his clock reading a little past nine in the morning, a gentle rapping at his door. 'Yes?' He groaned out hoarsely, rubbing his throat, feeling the familiar tug of the IV drips.

'It's Doctor Jones, can I come in?' Well, maybe this time he would actually remember her name.

'Yeah...sure.' He called out, falling back to his bed, propping himself up with a few pillows as the doctor entered with a tray of simple breakfast items.

'Most people eat in the cafeteria but we thought it would easiest for you to stay here. We've officially made all the plans and they're set. You're going to stay here until the end of the week, another six days and then you'll be at home for a week. Then you're back to school. We wanted you off for longer but they say you're already behind in this year and they don't want you to have to be held back another year.' Yuuri nodded, a little disappointed that his holiday would not be as long lasting as he thought- not that school was all that bad at the moment but he'd much rather be curled up in his bed at home.

'I want to note before you get up and walk around that the less severe side-effects will kick in today. Anxiety will probably be the most noticeable whilst paranoia might also occur. Try not to worry too much. Everyone here is going through the same thing and they'll understand. We try and help as much as possible but we can't give you any official medicine as we don't want to tamper with the Serum's effects. Sorry, this is a lot for early in the morning. Eat your breakfast and I'll check in later to take the IVs out, they were only a precaution.' Jones smiled and left him be with a small wave, shutting the door quietly behind her, leaving Yuuri to eat his breakfast in peace- a small tray of bread and butter with a bowl of cereal with a little too much milk.

At eleven, Jones returned to take out his IVs and left just as quickly, urging him to get up and around himself and to meet the others. There was only one other person around his age, only two years older, but she assured him that everyone was friendly.

Even with the reassurance, he didn't leave his room until three and it was only because his stomach was complaining at him- not that he usually listened. He needed something to pass the time and thought that the cafeteria might be the easiest way to watch the clock tick on.

The first steps out of his bed were agony, his legs unsure of how to hold himself up but with a couple of lengths up and down the room, he finally felt himself again. He quickly dug through the drawers and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, alongside his favourite blue hoodie, and pulled them on before rushing out, his body filled with a sudden burst of energy after days of sitting around.

The cafeteria was easy to find and he was at least a slight bit glad that it was not brimming with people, only a group of people on the middle table playing a game of cards. With his bad timing, no one was serving any food but he was able to pick up a sandwich and a packet of crisps from the shelves and looked around, awkwardly swinging between going to introduce himself or sitting by himself in the corner.

His decision made, he headed for the corner when a voice called out: 'Hey, you! You can sit over here if you want.'

Yuuri let out the slightest sigh of relief before traipsing over to the gaggle of twenty-something-year-olds who were arguing over who got to place their card first. 'You're new around here, right? I'm Jack, this is Tom, Lila, Alex, Millie and Alice.' Yuuri nodded thoughtfully, staring around at the group that had now paused their argument for his sake, already regretting the fact that he was never going to remember any of their names.

'Yuuri.' He smiled, placing his things down on the table and sliding onto the end of the bench next to Jack.

'Nice ta' meet ya', Yuuri.' He smiled, 'wanna join?' Yuuri nodded and within the hour he was beating them all at cards, despite never having played the game before and a severe lack of social confidence. He didn't say much but being the introvert, he was adept to listening into the conversation and managed to learn a fair bit about the people he would be sharing his experience with for the next week or so.

Jack, the most confident of the group, and a natural jock look-alike with his blonde quiff and cheeky blue eyes. had just turned twenty-three and was only here for his weekly check-up. He was upset that his treatment was coming to an end and he promised Yuuri that he would make some good friends here. He'd been able to set things on fire, apparently. Or so it seemed, from their constant jabbing at the fact that if he got any angrier, he was going to- literally- set them on fire.

Tom, probably the shyest of the group, was similar to Yuuri in many ways- despite their looks being far apart, Tom's floppy brown hair mismatching his blue, almost grey, eyes. With a power that seemed to involve hallucinations and ghosts, Yuuri tried not to dwell on the reality of what was real and what was not. Tom had only just begun his treatment, Yuuri would guess, from the way he so often stared into the distance like there was someone, well, there.

Lila was the loudest by far, only due to her competitiveness. Her blonde perm swung violently around her head as she laughed as Yuuri beat her yet again, trying to hide her frustration behind humour. Alongside her big personality, it seemed that her power had told the rest of the story. She had been brought up to believe that she had enhanced strength but when she reached sixteen, she had found that it had been a little bit more. She could cause an earthquake if she wanted from just a stamp of her foot- you could tell, everyone seemed to wince as she stamped her foot jokingly against the floor. And although she was coming to the end of her treatment, she didn't seem all that sad about it. Yuuri understood, creating a mini earthquake just by walking would definitely ward away any possible friendships.

Alex and Millie, both nineteen, came as a pair, Millie's brown bob always relaxing against Alex's dark-skinned shoulder. They didn't say a word most of the time, seeming to be lost in their own silent conversation but didn't hold out on throwing insults out when they lost yet again- last place for the fifth time, despite working in a team. It seemed that not a soul but each other knew what the others power was but Yuuri was happy to see that they both had come out of this perfectly fine, causing no distress for the others.

Alice was last but not least. Almost as shy as Tom, she hid behind her dirty-blonde hair, hiding her ecstatically green eyes. She seemed to like talking but was often outspoken by the others as her quiet voice failed to travel across the room. Yuuri sympathised for her and often ended up having a one-sided conversation with her as she jabbered on about her life. Not that he minded, it was nice to have his mind occupied. She was born and raised in Chicago but moved away for College but ended up returning anyway. Her power, almost ironically, was the ability to remove people's hearing but after years of working on her control, it was deemed unsafe when she could no longer stop people from listening and caused them permanent deafness. Yuuri laughed at her lack of guilt but felt a little disheartened to hear that she was still working on a treatment, having been extended a few weeks when the first round didn't work. It was uncommon but Yuuri couldn't help but fear the worst.

'Yuuri, you never told us, why're you here? I heard it’s your first day, none of it must have kicked in yet. Oh, and don't worry about that, we're here to help.' Jack smiled as another round of cards was played, Lila finally catching Yuuri out on his own game and winning.

'Oh, um,' he stumbled, fearful of what was too much to reveal. They had been as honest as they could be with him already and yet he felt the irreversible fear settle in his stomach as all eyes left the game on the table and focused on him. 'Well, I've had a few things happen. My power, well, um, you may not believe this...' he paused, looking around at the faces that were beginning to look slightly worried- no wonder, if anxiety was mentioned first and foremost, some of them must have experienced it pretty bad and seeing Yuuri stumble over his words most likely brought back floods of memories.

'I, I can see the future. Not anymore, though, it only happens rarely.'

'Oh my god, that's so cool!' Chatter exploded around the table and Yuuri felt a little pride at himself for sparking a conversation, a little corner of his self-doubt erased. He was thankful that no one asked for the reason he was here, they all seemed aware that his reason must be severe if he was going to get rid of something like that- it was always easier not to ask.

They continued to chat away and the age-gaps all but disappeared. Yuuri laughed alongside his peers with a sense of community that he had never felt before. All his life he had been stared out because he had stood out and now he fit right in. All these people, despite their stereotypes, knew what it was like to be the outcast. Some, much to Yuuri's amusement, even called it the 'Outcast Club'.

Yuuri left around an hour later, the others encouraging him to stay strong. Although nothing had happened yet, he wasn't surprised. If what had happened already was anything to go by, Yuuri's experience was going to be anything but usual.

When he was back at his room, Dr Jones took another blood sample and asked him of his current symptoms, to which there were few. 'Um, well, I've felt no more anxious than usual. Less, maybe. The people here are nice.' Yuuri smiled wanly and looked down at his hands with hidden anxiety. After talking for so much of the day, it felt odd to be explaining it all second hand to someone else who was using it for medical purposes- almost like a less oppressive therapy.

'That's good, Yuuri. I'm going to go back to the lab but first I was told to give you this.' She delved into her pocket and took out a small remote with a few buttons on it, three large buttons at the top the clearest. 'It's a panic button as last time you weren't able to get to it. If anything like last time happens again, press it. There's three and all will send for us but the colour scheme represents the urgency: green for not that bad and red for very bad. Simple.' Yuuri nodded and stared at the remote with wavering confidence, as if the object represented his lack of ability.

She left with a simple reminder that he take his second dosage for the day and Yuuri made it easier by taking it as soon as she was hidden on the other side of the door. Picking out and disinfecting the needle, he emptied the second half of the precious vile and jabbed it into his arm without a care, the golden liquid enough in looks for him to immediately beg for more.

The ecstasy was immediate and although Yuuri was getting rather used to the sensation, he didn't realise how much he missed it until it was in his blood again. Whilst his power froze him with a touch, the flames burnt there way through him like a prayer- a hope for good fortune, something you can never quite stop doing.

He lay hazy in his bed, his mind reeling but blank. Thoughts churned inconsequentially as he stared at the door.

Knock, knock.

He bolted up, his breaths coming rapidly, fear overtaking his system.

Knock, knock.

He edged out of bed, his body trembling. What was on the other side of the door? What could be there? What wanted him? What was on the other side of the door? What could be there? Who wanted him?

Knock, knock.

'Yuuri?'

Knocking, heavier, until his breaths matched the rapid pace.

'Yuuri, are you alright?'

He stared at the door with wide, frightened eyes like a deer in the headlights. And then, like magic, the door opened and Jones peeked her head through, confusion contorting her face. 'Yuuri, what's wro-' She stopped, realising her mistake when she saw it. The panic on his face was unmistakable.

'Oh god I'm sorry, I just wanted to say that your parents are trying to get in touch. Apparently you hadn't answered, they were slightly worried.' Yuuri nodded dumbly and watched as Jones absconded the room carefully. He hurried to his phone and, without even looking at what his parents had sent, typed out a quick 'I'm fine' before flinging himself into bed.

He huddled around himself and suddenly all he could hear was the tick-tock of the clock on the wall, over and over until the simple mechanism became a taunting bully, stopping him from his most vital thoughts or needs. All he could hear was: tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

He tried to focus but he could only hear the knife-like clicks. He knew, rationally, that these were the symptoms they had warned him about but he couldn't bring himself to care. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. It was all so overwhelming: the silence, the noise. He was deafened by silence and silenced by noise. He flinched as his bed creaked and battled the clocks brash strikes with a groan of its own.

He watched his hands tremble in the clinical light, the white accentuating the protruding veins in his hands where the skin was too taut to hide what was beneath. He resisted the urge to gag at the sight of it, the gaunt, stretched skin over bold, blue veins. His hands were as old as an eighty-year-old's. In a few years, he had added decades to his appearance. For the first time in weeks, he began to notice his appearance again.

Staggering to the mirror, he examined himself. Too skinny from the front, too fat from the side. Eyes too thin and mouth too big; nose too short and ears too flat. He grabbed at his stomach and examined it from all angles until he came to the same conclusion as always. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

He shut his eyes and tried to breathe but it just wasn't working. He stared at the door and back to the mirror. He made the bold choice. Rushing out, he found himself back in the cafeteria, where the rest of the group still sat, sitting by Lila now with creased brows and trembling lips. They stared at him, without judgement, and let him blend in. No one looked at him, they just let him be part of the crowd where silence never fell and the noise was comforting.

Yuuri leaned against the table, his black hair flopping into his face as he watched Lila cheering again at her victory, now the only true competitor since Yuuri had gone. He wanted to speak up and play but he could feel his heart palpitate rapidly the idea and decided the leap forward was for another day.

He hated to see himself so set back but for now, he was grateful to these people. No doubt, they had seen this a million times, even being through it themselves. They knew what to do, what to say and how to act. For that, he could not thank them enough. There were no taunts, no attempts at conversation apart from the occasional testing the waters to see if he was okay. He was surprised that they had known from the start that he preferred being ignored to being talked to. Consolation didn't work often; only when he was at his lowest, at his most alone, did he need it. Now, surrounded by people he understood, the chatting was his safety blanket. He had found the people that already knew him best. For that, he was even more grateful.

Two days passed after that and although he had suffered worse, the anxiety was crippling. On the second day, people started to visit his room and tried to quell his feelings of self-deprecation but there was only so much they could do to help. They laughed and joked until a bubble of a laugh escaped his throat and they chatted until he could barely hear at all. In the little time he had known them, he found himself closer than he had ever been to anyone else. Perspective fell in place and Yuuri realised his naivety.

Viktor. Yuri. Even Phichit. They didn't understand. They just didn't understand. They tried to help and Yuuri applauded them for that but Yuuri needed empathy. Yuuri was fuelled by empathy, it was who he was. The fear of not being understood, the fear of opinions being wrong, all of that was not helped by soothing touches or words. No, he needed someone to understand.

He had suffered no further attacks but he was still on a tight schedule with the doctors. So far, his supply was still high but he was running out and fast. There were no top-ups to be had; they had given him enough for weeks not days. He was already halfway through.

The high had become a fixed point in his day, the hazy blaze a requirement. It had done nothing but good and he had done nothing to change his ways. He watched the others take theirs sometimes, they didn't seem to be ashamed to do it in front of people and he watched that dribble do as much as a sip of water. That's why so many of them were stuck here, he deducted. His original booking had barely been two days yet these people had been here for at least a week- just for following the rules.

He knew despite the relationships that had grown out of his place that leaving would be for the best. He missed home, the heartache burning in place of the starlight. Whilst his anxiety shouted at him to go home and hide, it was his paranoia that brought it home. Each creak of the door, each unfamiliar buzz, each new person shook him. People came in and out on a regular basis, their treatments flying by. He had seen around ten people come and go already and each and every one, to his knowledge, was just another thing for him to fear.

In the night, the ticking got worse. The clock shook his veins until all he could do was stare open-eyed at the night sky of his bedroom ceiling, wishing the black mist would allow him some stars. But alas, it was only the ticking. Ticking, ticking and ticking. All night. Hours on end of ticking. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

On the fifth day, the poison did what it was told. Another half vial of liquid and the fire raged, setting each and every blood cell into flames. He screamed and the door was kicked open by the nearest patient. His friends and doctors crowded him as he screamed, the empty syringe still protruding his arm. His muscles contracted violently and he was thrown inwards again, curling until he was like a foetus in the womb. By now, he expected the screams not to hurt but his throat burned just as loudly as he screamed, the pain overtaking his system.

His mind showed him image after image, like it was begging him to stop. It showed him everything. He flew back, his head hitting the headboard with a crack. With wide-eyes, he dictated what he saw, the flying images swirling back on themselves until all Yuuri could see was them. Everything faded apart from the tick, tock - tick, tock.

'Jack White, dead aged 28.'

'Lila McCarthy, dead aged 54.'

'Dr Matilda Jones, dead aged 91.'

'Dr Ben Clifton, dead aged 78.'

'Millie Smith, dead aged 19.'

He continued until his throat gave up and all he could do was mouth it. He saw each and every one. He saw cars colliding with bodies; old men in wheelchairs; girls with knives on their throats. He saw it all and for a second, just for a second, he saw it all. The future was not set, it is never set but he saw it all. He saw the most likely outcomes. He saw himself die.

He watched his own body fade out of existence in a hospital bed. Age, unknown, it was from his own perspective. He was weak, so weak. Tears streamed down his face and his eyes opened, the vision flooding away like dust swept to the side, not gone but tucked away.

He saw them all back away, some shocked, some glad. Some stared at him like he was a god and others a demon. He had just told them their deaths. He had told a room full of no one older than 30 their deaths.

What would you do?

Yuuri blinked away the tears but they never left. He watched as Jack held in a sob, Lila pulling him into a bone-crushing hug, whispering reassurances in his ear. He watched as Dr Jones tried to bring Millie out of unconsciousness, her arm bleeding profusely where her nails had dug the flesh out.

'I'm so sorry.' Yuuri sobbed, grasping at his hair before covering ears to cower away from his own reassurances. 'I'm so, so sorry.' He ignored the feather-light touch on his shoulder- Tom, he assumed. 'I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop. I'm sorry.'

'I'm so, so sorry.' He opened his eyes to see a sea of faces surround him.

'Don't worry about it, Yuuri. You didn't mean to. It's okay.' It was Jack, his face still stained with tears but a wan smile placed awkwardly on his face. Yuuri flinched but Jack took it as no insult, placing himself on the bed next to Yuuri, opposite Tom, whose arm was still wrapped tightly around Yuuri's shoulder.

'Don't do this,' he continued 'it wasn't your fault. You hear that? Not your fault. We've all been through a lot of crap but I've never seen this. You...you didn't just see our deaths,' he choked out, his eyes filling with another bout of tears 'you saw your own. No one, I mean no one, should ever have to do that.' Yuuri nodded, huddling his knees to his chest, leaning into Tom for support. Lila sat on his other side and took his hand into hers, stroking it gently until he came back to his senses.

They supported him silently, no words spilling from any of them as they lost themselves to the void of their own thoughts. Jack stopped noticing the tears on his cheeks and Yuuri barely felt the blanket of people huddled around him. Millie came back to sorts and, unexpectedly, threw herself around Yuuri's abdomen, curling up like a child, Alex's reassuring hand running through her hand. She was clever enough not to ask what was going to happen to her.

Dr Jones didn't sit down but rather stood at the end of the bed, watching the group of young adults reassure themselves and each other. She was proud, though. In any other circumstance, they would have broken but with each other, they were staying strong. Even if Yuuri couldn't see it through the curtain of anxiety, he was not hated. He was not his circumstance. They were a pack that protected their weakest; they huddled around Millie and Yuuri like parents, whispering endless comforting words until Matilda could barely stand to intrude.

'Yuuri,' she called, the young boys head flinging up with urgent fear. 'I want you to tell me something.' She paused, fearing the reaction to her words would only send him into another shock. 'How much of the serum do you have left?' She tried to work around the question but there were so few words.

'What do you mean?' She flinched at his voice, that of a small child's, afraid to be told off: someone at their weakest.

'Yuuri, how much of the Serum have you been taking a day.'

'The right amount.'

'Can I see your drawer?' She stepped forward to go and open it but was practically thrown back as Yuuri screamed out no. She stared at him, her eyes wide in panic. He had escaped the clutches of his friends, his palm now protectively pushing the drawer in.

'If you have been taking the right amount, it is fine to show me.' His hand didn't move. 'Please, just show me.' It inched away but she still wouldn't be able to reach it. 'Please.' She leant down and tugged it open, examining the contents with medical professionalism, despite the shaking of her hands.

There was barely a vial left. She stared blankly, the words that she needed retreating into the dark recesses of her mind. She looked at the final vial, not opened, another one half used. 'You should have barely gotten through two.' She muttered to herself as she looked down at the twelve empty vials.

Yuuri's friends stared at him as he trembled, his whole psyche falling apart. His body collapsed, his back crashing into the headboard, his head hanging in shame. Tears streamed down his cheeks like paint on an already finished painting.

'Yuuri...why?' She was met with a harsh, cold silence. No one dared admit that Yuuri wasn't alone in this either. They were lucky; their powers didn't fight back. Each and every one of them stared down at their red-pricked arms with fright, eyes wide and unfeeling. They'd fallen numb. Too much, too fast. Faster, faster. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Matilda sighed and shut the drawer with more fierce than she intended. 'I don't want to do this but I'm keeping you here for another week. You'll have to go back to school as soon as you go back, I can't change that. I'll call your parents and if any of you,' she scanned the room with slitted eyes 'and I mean any of you, had anything to do with this, you're out.' A cacophony of nods spread throughout the room and Dr Jones left, slamming the door behind her as the others waited in the heaving silence.

'What did- did she mean? You guys- you, you had nothing to do with this.' He hiccuped, scraping his now-dry cheeks with his palms. The silence drove him insane; no one looked up. 'What's h-happening?'

'Yuuri,' his head darted to where Lila was sitting 'there's a reason we're all still here.' His eyes widened as he stared back down at his arms, matching theirs as the scars created beautifully wrong crisscrosses over his arms. She didn't go on, she didn't need to go on. The friendship they had made- too much, too fast; faster, faster- was made because they understood. But they understood too much. They understood what he did, why he did it. They knew it all from the beginning. They never did a thing to stop it.

'Why?' He choked out, scratching at his arms with his nails, the painful sting stopping him from going any further- he wasn't ready to deal with another bout of pain yet.

'Why did you?'

'To make it go.' He whispered.

'I'm sure we'd all tell you the same thing.' She sighed and Yuuri nodded, defeated. He didn't blame them. The irrationality that plagued him was hard to question because that was what it was meant to be. Irrationality couldn't be explained without itself or its opposite. Irrationality is not making sense. Irrationality does not make sense. Language has tricked us into believing it makes sense but it doesn't. Humans are the only things to suffer from its curse- that doesn't make sense now, does it?

Yuuri couldn't quell the laugh that bubbled up his throat. 'We're messed up.' He laughed louder, blocking the pain with amusement, a finger plaster over the Grand Canyon.

'You're right about that.' Lila smirked and although no one joined his sobbing laughs, they all smiled to pass the time. Some let themselves fall into self-pity and others let themselves forget. But people were bad at forgetting- somewhere in the back of their minds, they always remember.

The group huddled together, each and every one of them forgiven as the clock struck midnight. They all had done their bad and they had all done their good to match. Millie and Tom wrapped themselves in each other's arms like always and whispered the words that seldom mattered like they were the most important thing in the world. Jack and Lila got out a pack of cards and distracted themselves with a game of snap, much to Yuuri's amusement. Alice found a place on the edge of the bed and plugged her earphones in and read, pretending that no one else was there but Yuuri could see her eyes dart up from the book to check on him and she had barely turned the page in a minute. Tom's arm remained around Yuuri's shoulder as Yuuri let himself leaning on his and although there was nothing romantic about the gesture, Yuuri could feel himself relax instantly in the hold. It didn't matter who it was, he just needed a pair of arms to help him through this.

He thought of Viktor, all the smiles and hugs and words of wisdom, and wondered what it would be like if he was here too. He was going to be, a long time ago. Yuuri wished he would come. Viktor would love it here, he'd love the power and most of all, he'd love the freedom of erasing his power from his body.

Viktor hated his power just as much as Yuuri did and even if he didn't empathise in the way Yuuri wanted, he knew what it felt like to hate it. Just as these people did. He thought of how many times he had wanted to push Viktor away, to hate him for the little things and wondered why he didn't feel that now. He did, deep down, he did. But, if there was anything Viktor had taught him, it was to forgive.

What did he have to forgive anyway? They didn't tell him that they did the same? He told them their deaths. Their. Deaths. How much worse could he get? But here he was, surrounded by them. They hadn't left.

Why hadn't they just left?

Yuuri wouldn't get an answer, it wasn't as if he could read minds- much to everyone's surprise. He just, for once in his life, had to trust the people around him weren't going to leave. Friendship can be made in a second and as much as Yuuri would like to deny that fact, it was true.

He kept pushing and pushing until no one came near and now they had and they weren't leaving. And it seemed that neither was he.

'How long have you been here?' He asked gently, his breathing coming soothingly slowly.

'A month.' Jack piped up, 'took them a long time to find that I had been stealing batches.

'Only a week longer than you.' Tom said from behind him, his face still dazed as he lost himself in thought.

'A year, I guess. I came back.' Lila smiled as if that wasn't important at all.

'We came together about the same time as Tom.' Alex chimed in, Millie giving her hum of agreement from his lap.

'How do you cope?' Yuuri asked.

'Knowing that we don't have to deal with that power shit anymore.' Jack joked, a humourless laugh rolling off his lips.

'Yeah, I- I guess that's enough.'

'Don't worry about it, Yuuri. We're a team now and we're all getting over the same thing.'

'But...why?'

'Why what?'

'Why am I in your...team. I- I told you-'

'Stop talking about it. What's done is done and we've all put it behind us. It wasn't your fault. We all know that. We've all hurt people, we'd be hypocrites to push you away.' Jack finished, his head held high, earning a nod of approval from the others.

'Thank you.'

'There's nothing to thank.' Jack smiled at him and they all went back to their own activities like sleep wasn't meant to be on the list for any of them.


	44. ''It Was You, Right? All Of This''

Yuuri had no choice but to go back to school once he returned home. His parents gave him a royal greeting and a whole table filled with bowls of Katsudon but he knew he could no stave of the impending dread of returning again the next day.

Viktor's disappointment, foremost in his mind, had hidden in the recesses of his thought and now, like a disease, it crept its way forward, taunting him.

Those at the centre had already video called him, most of them in and out of the centre themselves anyway, setting up a group chat for them to chat from each of their own separate states. Yuuri would go back to the centre on Saturday for a checkup: since his last...incident, they wanted to keep tabs on him.

When it reached nine o'clock and Yuuri was throwing himself, exhausted, into the bed he'd forgotten to miss. Burying his head into the plush pillow, he expelled the dread of reaching into his bag and getting out the small vial of the Serum. They had given him a purposefully small dose as to not repeat his previous actions but he couldn't help but crave the entire bottle to reach his bloodstream, vigorous and torturously pleasant.

Getting out the vial and the syringe, cleaning it with obsessive fervour, Yuuri put the needle in and gave him little more than a tenth of the dose he'd been giving himself before. Just a little less than suggested.

Pushing the needle into his arm, no longer requiring himself to look away, he pressed the orange liquid into his arm and sighed at the brief glimmer of kindness it gave him. It ended all too soon, his dopey smile falling into a frown, staring at the vial as if it had poisoned him.

He fell onto his bed, keeping his eyes squeezed shut. Don't get more. Don't take more. Don't get more. Don't. Do. It. Again. His eyes fluttered open and drifted to the needle before he could even stop himself.

He growled at himself, balling his fists until they bled white, straining to ignore the temptation. An hour passed and although his body had stopped begging, he remained wide-awake. The clock ticked passively, irritating him to no end until he reached up to it and turned it off, isolated by the silence it left behind.

The comfort of his bed soon turned to irritation as the sheets scratched his body and the soft pillow turned to what might as well have been a rock. When he finally fell asleep, it was with no comfort at all. Somewhere, in a dream, he knew he was begging for just another dose like some fucked up heroin addict.

Because that's what he'd become, wasn't it? An addict. Perfect, perfect Yuuri an addict. All his fault. All his fault. Always his fault. An addict of no devices but his own.

With the morning came achy muscles and sore groans. He hadn't woken this early in weeks, his alarm blaring threateningly at him. Get up. Get up! Smashing his hand against the button, he buried his face into the pillow and groaned, stretching out his muscles languidly.

School. Yes, school. That was what he had to do now. With a grunt, he tugged himself from the sheets and collapsed onto the floor, scavenging for his glasses on the floor; he'd heard them clatter off his bedside table last night, it had been too much effort to pick them up.

Finding the edges under his fingers, he put them on, trying to ignore the sweaty fingerprints he'd left behind on the lenses.

After fumbling for the light and rifling through his drawers, he took out the small vial of amber liquid and examined its contents with a suspicious eye. Squinting behind his glasses, he tilted the liquid to the side, watching the flecks of gold shimmer and die.

How much was it again? How much was he supposed to take?

With almost OCD-like precision, he washed the needle. A germaphobe-like reaction, really. He pushed the thin end into the top of the vial, through the minute hole and pulled the syringe up, watching the orange liquid come under the harsh, yet warm, light of his bedside lamp. His fingers dragged too far; he wasn't paying attention. Surely by now, the syringe was half full.

Until it was full, he pulled, still lulled by the presence of sleep. He was planted on his bed now, warm and comfortable, watching it. He wouldn't lie, he knew it was too much. This wasn't an accident. But he wanted.

So, so much.

So much that it barely registered. His instincts told him that without it something terrible was about to happen, that reaction was enough for him to plunge it into his arm with a lazy smile. The fire burned and the reaction dulled over time, the increased dosage like a blessing in comparison to the meagre dosage they suggested.

At some point, he couldn't even remember what terrible things would happen if he didn't take it. Only that it was there- ever-present, ever-kind.

Sometimes, even without it, he forgot that without it it was terrible at all. Until he saw that orange liquid. Until he saw the specks of stardust glimmer in the morning sun and then, sometimes, he remembered its appeal.

It wore off, its after-effects worth hours more. A bleary but content smile masked his face as he scrambled to get ready and downstairs, eating without a fuss, much to the delight of his mother.

The walk to school was done with ease, his legs barely tired, his earphones creating a calm peace around him. Like a film, things passed him in a blur, his eyes widened in delight as if only now he saw the beauty in this city of bad memories and wishes.

The school gates, what used to be like the gates of hell, were now the gates of heaven. People flooded in and out, laughing and cheering and hollering and panicking. But Yuuri stood there, content, entering with a smile.

He was the first to the classroom and, in an attempts to fill the time, he scrolled through the notifications on his phone when his screen flooded with the familiar words: 'The Group Chat' is calling.

He answered quickly and waved as face after face appeared on the screen, suddenly awed by the overwhelming amount of friends he suddenly had. It was like in only a week, a week of torture and pain, more good had come out of it than he'd ever imagined.

'Yuuri! Where are you?' Jack called through over the other chattering voices. Yuuri waited for the voices to diminish before he smiled and turned the camera around.

'This is my school. I'm early, as you can probably notice.'

'OMG! I forgot you were such a kid, Yuuri. That looks so much like my old high school!' Lila screamed, her face lighting up in awe of the mundane, and rather terrible, surroundings. Painful memories forgotten, they nostalgically reminisced about their school days until the door crashed open and a high pitched- Russian- scream echoed throughout the classroom.

'Yuuri! You're back! How was it? Are you okay? Did you meet people? How's the power going? Why are you here so early?' Yuuri cleared his throat and Viktor's rambling finally died out into rapid mumbling when he saw Yuuri frantically point to his phone, looking rather panicked.

'Guys, this is Viktor. My...'

'I'm his Russian teacher! Hey, everyone!' Viktor smiled cheerfully, pushing onto the side of the screen, his silver hair flopping over his eyes. Yuuri couldn't hold back a laugh and for a second, he remembered how much he'd missed Viktor. It seemed that both had left the past behind them and moved on, arguments pushed away in hopes of a better future.

It was for the best.

'Hey, dude, I'm Jack.'

'Lila!'

'We're Alex and Millie.'

'I'm Alice and the other guy's Tom.' Tom seemed, not that the other's minded, engrossed in his book, his earphones half hanging out, clearly not listening.

'Nice to meet you all. You met at...' The Viktor trailed off, unsure of whether it was something he should say or not, since moving from Russia, he'd realised the taboo subjects tended to differ.

'Yup! We're all in and out, on a weekly basis.' Jack piped in, the most extroverted of them all, a wide smile on his face, no discomfort evident.

'That's great. It was nice talking to you. I have to go get some things done.' Viktor beamed them a charming smile before retreating to his desk and letting Yuuri finish speaking, placing a pair of glasses on the edge of his nose as he read down his notes.

Yuuri hung up and peered up from his phone, eyeing the glasses curiously. 'Since when do you wear glasses?' He asked, feeling a little lost that he'd missed out on the latest news, no matter how mundane.

'Since ever, I'm a contacts person.'

'Oh.' Yuuri found himself with no more words, the silence stretching tense and thick, their eyes darting anywhere but in each other's paths.

'Oh! I have most of your workload. The other teachers seemed to know that I would be the one to see you and handed all the papers over to me.' Burying through his bag, Viktor picked out a file that looked like the papers were reading to fall out, spilling and piled up messily, and slammed it down on the desk, not in anger but just out of the sheer weight of it. 'You'll be glad to know that this isn't even all of it.' Viktor leaned down to Yuuri and whispered, a cheeky smile on his lips. 'Don't tell anyone but I may have...lost a few sheets.' With a wink that told a thousand stories (of which Yuuri suddenly imagined Viktor letting Makka play with the useless school sheets) Viktor returned to his desk, skimming through his own papers, every now and then placing a grade on the papers and circling it, his red marker pen bleeding through the papers- he liked to pretend it was the movies, much to Yuuri's amusement.

Slowly, one by one, students flooded into the classroom, greeting Yuuri happily. He answered with unbridled happiness, delighted at the shocked faces of his classmates as they began to joke with him and chat when they previously hadn't. Was it really this simple?

Viktor's Russian class was first in the timetable and Yuuri couldn't be brought down even by the workload he had to catch up on or the sudden difficulty he had in a subject he'd previously been great at. Yurio kindly helped him out, asking only a few questions about his time at the centre and how he was doing now, seeming even more surprised at the happy response. Yuuri didn't quite understand the sad look behind his eyes; a loss of someone in common was beginning to dawn on Yurio's fragile mental state.

Yuuri breezed through his classes, organising extra sessions and writing pages when he'd previously written lines, finally finding even the boring subjects interesting. His curiosity had no bounds and he'd never been, well, happier.

It was only fifteen minutes before lunch that the itching began. Not physical, no, it wasn't like that. Yuuri scratched his skin, as if that might dull the burn but it only left his skin red raw. He was still smiling, anyway. He still felt fine. He still felt the buzz.

But the itch. It was like it loomed over him, casting him under its shadow until he had no choice but to recognise it. The itch, or what he could now describe as yearning, overtook him.

He clasped his hands, rubbing at the clean skin, trying to dig into the blood vessels to see the amber liquid, see its remains. He missed the security of having it with him, even not in his bloodstream. He missed being able to look at him.

Being in a Chemistry lab was not helping. The dull, molecular chemicals not even a close comparison to the beauty of his injections. They'd once told him that the Serum was like heroin, addictive and possibly life ruining. But how could something so beautiful be harmful?

He texted his mum: _I forgot to take any before school, could you bring me my vial? It's in my bedside drawer._ She didn't answer, working probably, and that was probably the start of it. He knew he was dependent but it didn't seem to cross his mind that that was a bad thing.

It helped him. It made him so happy. He had friends when it was helping him, running through his blood like adrenaline, urging him to do things he would have never done before. It was his support system, there when even Viktor held him back.

And Viktor, how could he have been so cruel to try and deny Yuuri of his precious gold? The lunchtime bell rang loudly and Yuuri almost fled the classroom, his smile dissolved into anxiety, his lips bleeding under the pressure of his teeth, his nails digging into the palm of his hands.

Memories pop up unwanted. For someone whose entire being was focused on worrying about the future, he was suddenly caught up in the past. Like a whirlwind, he remembered everything.

And then, like a star in the darkness, he saw it.

_Yuuri stop. He felt his arms at his waist but he knew it was not him who was controlling it. Viktor, Viktor was controlling him._

Yuuri blinked, looking at the sea of blank faces. No longer seeing the smiles or the tears, Yuuri pushed through the crowd and into Viktor's classroom. Viktor looked up and smiled gently, feeling a little self-conscious, it had been so long since their last session and it hadn't...well it hadn't ended all that well, had it?

'It was you, wasn't it?' Yuuri's eyes were wide, almost crazed, tears flooding them as they tinted red- bloodshot and tired. 'I was right, it was you.' He accused, shutting the door behind him and pressing his back against the door.

'Yuuri, what are you talking about?' Viktor scanned him from top to bottom, noticing how Yuuri's nails were digging into his own flesh, scratching until there was nothing but blood. But...but he'd been doing so well this morning.

Yuuri couldn't believe it, it was like something had just clicked. All of it.

_'I have the ability to control the will of others Yuuri, and...and I hate it.'_

'It was you, right? All of this. You were controlling me. That's why you were so upset when I wanted to take the Serum, I was finally breaking out of control. That's why we were so close, you were forcing me too. It was all you. I'm right, aren't I?'

'Yuuri, what are you talking about?' Viktor stood, his hands trembling, his glasses strewn messily alongside his pen on the desk.

'Stop lying to me! Just admit it, it was you! That's why I didn't have a power, you were hiding with me. And then you didn't want me to find out so you gave it back to me slowly but made it so painful so I wouldn't use it or I'd live in agony. Right? Right?!'

'Something's wrong. What's happening? Why...why are you saying this?' Viktor choked; Yuuri knew full well that Viktor's power did not extend to that as well as the fact that Viktor didn't use it unless he was desperate. What was happening?

'Because it's true!' Yuuri approached Viktor with a finger held up, pointing like a dagger at Viktor's heart. His eyes narrowed like they were sworn enemies. Only now, from only inches apart, could Viktor see how Yuuri's whole body trembled, how the scratches ran all the way down his arms, how his arms were so bloodshot that he looked almost...high.

'What have you taken? What did they do to you?'

'Nothing, they only healed me from what you did to me!' Yuuri screamed, pushing Viktor back into the desk and storming out, his eyes darting as he felt a thousand pair of eyes follow him down the corridor. Each and every person laughing at him, whispering about him. But Yuuri no longer feared what they thought...only what they'd do.

They wouldn't take it away from him, would they? No, they weren't that cruel. Or were they? Who could he trust? Who was on his side? How was he meant to tell?

'Yuuri!' Another Russian accent, just as betraying as the last. 'What's up? You want to go to lunch with me and Otabek?' Yurio, looking brighter than usual, Otabek tailing behind him silently, pulled up by Yuuri and smiled.

'What,' Yuuri spat, 'so you can trick me as well? So you call tell the whole school about how fucked up I am?'

'Yuuri...what?' Yuri was taken aback, staring at the boy with his own name in a stupor.

'Well, that's what you were going to do, wasn't it? Don't lie to me, I can see through your lies.'

'Is this the treatment? Was this a side-effect,' he turned to Otabek, 'did you know this would happen?' He only garnered a silent nod before Yuuri flung his arms up in the air.

'A side effect of what?! Who do you think I am. I'm right here, if you want to admit it JUST BLOODY TELL ME!' Yuuri shoved Yurio with vigour, smiling as Yurio's head slammed into the lockers with a harsh crack, Otabek at his side immediately, hushedly whispering into the ear of an onlooker who rushed to go for a school nurse.

'This is your fault as much it is his.' Yuuri spat. 'All, your, fault.' Yurio didn't even have the energy to answer, feeling a slight trickle of blood down the back of his head. Just how hard could Yuuri push someone? Had he gotten stronger?

Yuuri didn't notice that someone was holding him back until his arms were stretching too far out of their sockets, pulled back like he was being arrested. He could barely see the pale skin that entrapped him but enough was visible for him to know exactly who it was. 'What? Are you here to control me some more? Well, I'll tell you now, YOU DON'T FUCKING HAVE TO!'

'Yuuri, whatever's going on, I just need you to calm down. This is just a side effect of the Serum. I didn't know it would be this severe just-'

'What?! Calm down? How can you expect me to calm down when I've been controlled my entire life. Have you been following me around? I bet you have. I bet you've known me years longer than I've known you. That's why I never had a power. I bet it was you.' Yuuri rambled, a crowd of teenagers filming the events, insensitive to just how much worse that would make it.

'Calm down. If you just calm down everything will be fine.'

'Make me.' Yuuri spat, looking upwards to look Viktor directly in the eye.

'You know I'm not going to do that.'

'Do it.'

'You know I won't.' Yuuri wrenched his hands from Viktor's grip and turned, his eyes filled with menace, matching a smile that dripped venom.

'Do. It.'

'Yuuri-'

'Do it!' It was too late when Viktor head hit the wall too. Yuuri watched him crumple, no guilt yet. This was the man that had stalked him, controlled him. He was only serving justice.

Before he knew it, he was being pulled away a group of people, the nurse now at Viktor's side as Yurio stumbled to his feet, holding his weight against Otabek to calm his screaming head. Yuuri was blind to the commotion, letting his legs falling in front of each other as he was dragged to the headmaster's office.

Mr Smith spoke but he heard no words, no, nothing. He was in a daze, barely noticing when his parents came in, his mother holding his precious drug. He almost jumped up to snatch it from her when he was pushed back into his chair and they informed his mother that this was very much a side-effect of that said liquid. This was all its doing.

Yuuri wanted to scream. No, it wasn't! That was the only thing saving him! It was Viktor who'd taken control of him; it was all him! The word suspension hung in the air but Yuuri didn't hit it. No, he just wanted to escape. The vial, now stowed away in Mr Smith's desk was not in his reach, his only option was to return home.

'Yuuri, we have called the clinic and they are sending an aid. You'll have to be monitored as this is not the first time and your visits to the clinic will become bi-weekly. We don't blame you for this but we cannot let this go unpunished. You'll be back on Wednesday so you don't miss out on too much more. Exams are approaching and if you work hard, we will be glad not to push you back another year.' Yuuri nodded numbly, the words like white noise.

He returned home that night, dead behind the eyes. His mother gave him Katsudon to cheer him up but it was tasteless in his mouth, he'd had it too many times now. It wasn't even a treat. So many bad things to make up for until even what cheered him up became just as bad as what caused him to want it.

Oh, wasn't it all so complicated.

He slept with nothing in his system. Not that he slept, mind. He remained stuck in a stupor of sweat, his eyes-wide-open, hoping for just a little freedom in his life. And what had started so well this morning, had left him with one thing. Couldn't it just all go back to how it was?

-

Yurio didn't go home, even with his pounding headache. Instead, he sat on the bench just outside the school, the vents pumping smoke out like poison. He breathed it in, wishing for a second that it would calm him because it seemed that fresh air wasn't helping. Neither was Otabek for that matter, silent and unmoving.

Yuri was mad, raging until his muscles shook. And Otabek had the nerve to just sit there and watch the wind blow the leaves until the travelled in all their frailty to the muddy ground.

The early signs of spring had dissolved into another downpour of rain, leaving no one's spirits high and the school work even more tiresome. Yuri, never one to follow academia, was becoming more and more under pressure at the workload on his shoulders. He couldn't imagine what Yuuri was going through.

No, he chastised himself, don't think about him.

His parents had left the house a month ago. Rehab was expensive but necessary if they were to keep him and for all their faults, they cared about him- in their own awkward, twisted way. His grandpa had come from Russia to care for him in the meantime. For that, he was glad but nonetheless, it was just another burden on his already aching back.

Otabek, throughout it all, was his rock. He'd even come to visit Yurio at work a few times. Never a smile on his face nor even a hint of glee in his eyes; serious to a fault but always exactly what Yurio needed. The water to his fire- the perfect stereotypes.

The bench, in all its perfect silence, was stained with tension. Yuri's head, still spinning, the place where it collided with the wall pulsing painfully, hung down, his eyes in his lip as Otabek scanned him from top to bottom, his eyes a scrutinising as his scowl.

'You okay?' Well, he was never one for words, this seemed to be more than expected. Maybe his head was making him hallucinate. Yuri nodded, fiddling with his fingers until he lost track of the entanglement.

'You're upset.'

'Wouldn't you be?' He spat, his best friend- as well as Otabek that was- had thrown him at a wall in a fit of rage due to a drug overdose. Or, at least, that's what Viktor said, who appeared just as delirious and upset.

'Of course.' Yuri sighed thankfully, a small smile twitching his lips although never becoming apparent.

'It just feels so...not like the pig to do something like this. Shithead.'

'Calling him names won't help.'

'Thanks for the advice.' He spat, folding his arms defensively.

'You're not angry.'

'I know.'

'You're acting like it.'

'I know.' Silence fell again. Yuri fidgeted, looking from his lap to Otabek's nervously, his nerves jumping at the idea of speaking any more. Otabek, without so much of a glance at Yuri, appeared to relax, his whole body sinking into the bench, his hand crawling over, inch by inch, until it covered Yuri's.

'Yuuri will be okay soon.'

'I hope so.'

'You don't sound sure.'

'I'm not.'

'Trust me. It will be okay.'

'Okay.' Yuri looked over, his eyes flooded with hope, staring at the raven hair with its matching irises and smiled, wondering how he could be so lucky.

-

Yuuri returned home with reluctance, his feet trailing behind him until his mother ushered him in through the front door with bribes of sleep and food.

The burden bearing on his back was heavy, the thoughts of early actions weighing on his shoulders until he felt like crumblings. His bed, although a heavenly sight, gave him no comfort- only relief. The warmth did not calm him but suffocate him.

What had he done?

He'd been an idiot. He'd recognised that. But...but they'd all been _staring_. Just as if he were a freak show. Except they hadn't. He knew that too. He also knew that this was desperation, paranoia and anxiety that was pushing him to do this.

He'd set he wouldn't let the power control him anymore but even gone, he wasn't safe. He laughed at himself, buried deep under his duvet. Viktor controlling him? The man wouldn't hit a fly. The man, for all his faults, clearly _cared_ about Yuuri. Well, hadn't he gone and smashed that to the ground then.

Just another bridge he'd burnt. He should have known from the moment he'd built it.

He could feel the urge to grab a knife and punish himself but he knew he couldn't. He knew that was the _old_ him, as if that boy had been an entirely different person to the man he was now. As if they didn't want the same thing.

He'd gotten rid of his power, just like he'd wanted. His power had wanted to ruin him, and so it did. What irony that he now felt so hard done by; it was a deal, a wish for a wish. Yuuri shouldn't have been so daft to think someone like him could not repay his debts.

Blankets by the cold-touch of darkness, sunlight still outside the window, he fell asleep. Today would be no better, he surmised, so why not sleep it away. Because how different was sleep really to death?

Except he knew when he slept that he had another day to wake up to.

-

He woke up with sick curling in his gut. Resisting the urge to throw up, he threw his blankets aside and sat up. Blood rushed from his head to his feet, pulling him down for a mere second before he righted himself, his glasses still crooked- how had he even slept with them on?

His feet were numb against the cold wooden floorboards, the midday sun pouring through his window. He must have slept for around fifteen hours- he'd thought it impossible. Apparently, his body had at least given him half a day to escape reality.

He thought back on yesterday, his mind frazzled, and tried to remember it- the haze of sleep flooded his thoughts with noxious, thick smoke. Oh yes, he'd been suspended. For punching Yurio. For punching Viktor.

Groaning, he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, wishing he could cry away the pain. Choking on a withdrawn sob, he held it in, not letting the tears spill, self-deprecating, dangerous thoughts entrapping him.

All for the sake of the Serum.

_The Serum._

Like a strike of lightning, he remembered. Pushing through the haze, he scavenged the drawers frantically, searching desperately for the one thing that could give him anything. Orange, orange, orange. Where was it? Where was it?!

His hand touched something cool, something glass, and Yuuri knew he had found it. He had known his parents would have found it all. In the cloud of desperation, he barely noticed his trembling hands unscrewing the lid, only that he had to get it in him- _no matter what._

There were no needles, not in his sight anyway. His eyes were darting too much to see the thin prick of a syringe, buried deep under a pile of forgotten books. The small vial just sat in his hand, untouched, shimmered like stardust, the sunlight flooding through the open curtains, illuminating the orange that contrasted against the pale, almost jaundiced, pallor of his skin.

In one foul swoop, he chugged the liquid into his burning throat, delighted by the heroine-effect. In a moment, he remembered why there was an addiction at all. His skin buzzed, his blood boiled and his eyes rolled back into his skull.

It was like a fantasy.

 _This_ was his haven.

Who cared about suspensions? Who cared about burnt bridges or lost friends? Who cared about life?

Couldn't life just end? That was the easy route out of all of this. But that is _never_ the right option. Yuuri didn't realise that, though, he was in a drug-filled haze, any sense of rationality having flown out of the ajar window.

Death was not an option. Shouldn't have been an option.

But it was. And it was too close. Far too close. He'd drunk a jar that wasn't meant for consumption. He could feel his stomach protest, try and chuck it all back up but he held it down, smiling at the burning sensation. Then, bit by bit, he felt it in his intestines and his blood and his lungs and his _brain._ And wasn't it delightful?

Don't you agree?

Don't you think it's delightful?

He didn't know that he was burning his organs. He didn't even know he was killing himself. It was just another chapter in his life. Just another cut on his arm, just another attempt at his life. But this time he didn't even _realise_ it.

He felt safe, freed from the constraints of life. He could fly. He could jump out of the window and _soar._

He would have, I think- I truly do think that- if not for the blackness that came first. It came slowly, dragging him down to the floor. He knew from the sickness in his stomach that something was wrong. It was as if it just burned itself out of his system. He was suddenly so clear minded.

He suddenly just wanted it to _stop._

But it was already black.

-

Yuuri woke up first to the muttering of voice, his mind barely registering the quiet whispers of the panicked doctors. The second time was rather different, his mind finally registering his wakefulness, his eyes fluttering open to see an abandoned hospital room.

Disappointed at the lack of humanity, he let himself rest back, shutting his eyes and letting his thoughts take hold. His eyes flew open, okay, that may not have been the best idea. He'd rather not think of that...yet, at least.

It must have been about twenty minutes until a doctor passed him, taking notes on the five other patients in the room, all looking similarly panicked or asleep. 'Yuuri Katsuki?' Yuuri nodded, staring up at the doctor, wondering why he looked so angry. 'How are you feeling?' The doctor's manners were getting worse, his bedside manner far from impeccable. He was short, well, _shorter_ that Yuuri, curly brown hair manically splayed across his head. Clearly, from the bags under his eyes, the man had been awake for some while. Or, just as likely, hadn't been able to sleep.

'Okay.' Yuuri muttered, not sure what else he was supposed to say.

'No aches or pains?'

'Just a mild headache.' Yuuri admitted, his voice languid and slurred. How long had he been asleep? Or rather, had long had he been unconscious?

'Good, good.' The Doctor muttered dismissively, scribbling down a few furious notes. 'Your condition is stable, luckily. All I can say is don't do it again. The...poison...' the doctor choked out, few people liked the word 'Serum' 'in your bloodstream hasn't done any permanent. You'll be dizzy but it seems your body was already getting used to it, your immune system not fighting it as hard. As a precaution, the Centre for Power Detriment is sending a medic to supervise you until you are back at school where that will be handed over to one of your teachers.' The doctor gave him a weak smile before going to address the next patient, no doubt having done this for the entire day.

Yuuri didn't fight it when sleep came again.

-

'Yuuri!' His mother ran in frantically, staring at him with wide, worried eyes, eyes surveying his body up and down, anxiety creasing lines into her forehead. 'Don't you ever do that again, young man. Do you know how worried we were? First, you get suspended, then you go straight to sleep then we have to call for an ambulance! Oh, I was so worried about you.' His mother wrapped him up in a warm hug, squeezing him gently like she was never going to see him again.

Sometime recently, there'd been a perfectly reasonable chance that she wouldn't.

'I'm fine now, mum. There was just a...lot on my plate.'

'Oh, I know, darling.' She cooed gently. 'But next time, talk to us. Please? I know we can't always help but sometimes just getting it off your chest can...relieve some of that pain.'

'I know.'

'Good. Now, you ready to go home?' Yuuri nodded, slipping off the bed, bag packed next to him before rushing to the toilets, changing into a comfy pair of jeans and a jumper eight sizes too large for him, following his mother and father- who had yet to say a word- out into the car.

His mother, still trembling with nerves, bundled into the car, starting the engine as Yuuri threw his bag into the boot. 'Don't ever do that again.' His father appeared next to him, voice sterner than it had been in years. 'You may not see it but your mother was devastated. We- we thought you might die.' Yuuri nodded dumbly, his father leaving him to mull over the words as he carefully got into the car, waiting for Yuuri to shut the boot and get in himself.

'I'm sorry.' He mumbled, staring at his fingernails as they edged forwards.

'I know.' His father's face held no kindness but it was the stern acknowledgement that made Yuuri feel safer. The knowledge that after all he'd been putting them through, they still understood that he never meant them any harm.

But, if he were to be honest with himself, he'd never thought about them at all. Self-centredness came with mental health problems, he knew that. He'd been taught that for so long. But of course, in the moment, he was never going to think that.

He'd ignored everyone around him.

He ignored how much they forgot themselves to do good by him.

He was indebted to them. And what had he done? Tried to strip himself away from them. Punched two of them. Rarely contacted another six.

In all this, he'd forgotten what had mattered. He'd forgotten the things that mattered to him, the things that made him smile. And, in doing so, he'd hurt them all, one way or another. If not for the consequences on them, Yuuri was sure he would fall into his old ways of believing he was not good enough but no, no matter how much he deemed himself worthless, he had to stay strong for everyone else.

And then, maybe then, he could finally believe that he was worth it.

-

His suspension was extended after it was deemed unsafe for him to return and in that time, he finally met his medical assistant. After calling the group from the centre, apologising about not being able to make his weekly session, thoughts had started to line up. They told him stories of their own struggles and to feel part of the group was welcoming and a mantle on his burdened shoulders.

He was not the first person to have a medic.

The girl, a kind face with a bright smile- ginger hair strung into a frantic ponytail to match her freckled skin- came morning and night, bringing the Serum with her and making sure to inject him with the right amount. They laughed together and she knew exactly what it was like: she'd gone through the whole process around a decade back, at around the same age as he was.

Slowly, over the week, he began to develop less of a craving for the burn, gladly sitting in a state of partial drowsiness before he returned to his usual self, Patricia- his medic- congratulating him on another small step.

Although, he was still nowhere near safe. He still felt the pressing anxiety of spying eyes and the crippling sense of paranoia when the floorboards creaked. But, for the first time, it was manageable. Things were looking up again.

Things were looking up again!

So, when he returned to school, Patricia saying her goodbye- her visits would only be weekly now, his Serum dosage much less- he felt like he had a new sense of vigour. After the enervating tasks of the last month, it felt good to happy- and not to be high, or cheery because of other people's compliments. He was happy about himself for himself.

It wouldn't last. He knew that. But, it put no damper on his mood. Love in the sunshine and cry in the rain even if there's no way of predicting which one is coming- or even if they'll come on the same day.

Still jumpy at sounds, even with the smile on his face, he entered the classroom, warily looking at Yurio, who was sitting as a lone soul at his desk, bruised face staring intently at the desk. Yuuri, taking a deep breath and taking the smile off his face, stood in front of the desk, hands clutching desperately at his books.

'Yurio?' The boy in question looked up, shocked that he was being addressed at all, staring confusedly at Yuuri. He hadn't expected them to talk at all, nevermind be cornered before he could be saved by another soul. 'I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't cover anything I did to you. I was horrible and you did nothing but be kind and nice and I know that's something you're still trying so hard to do so I'm sorry, really. And thanks for not, you know, punching me back?' Yuuri gave him a lopsided smile, knuckles white under the pressure of his nerves.

'Oh...' Yuri had not expected that. Looking up at the boy with the same name yet so different in every other way, he scanned for sincerity, finding himself stuck to find anything that wasn't. 'Um, I'm not angry. I'm...okay to put that behind us.'

'You are?' Yuuri couldn't contain the desperate pleading that slipped into his wavering locution.

'Yeah, you're a good friend. You deserve a chance.'

Yuuri's eyes widened with relief, his mouth parting. 'Thank you so much! I promise I'll make up for it I was just...' what was he?

'It was the Serum thing, right?' Yuuri nodded, unable to speak it aloud. 'Then it's alright. It wasn't you. Otherwise, I really might have punched back.' Yurio grinned, even if the statement was a complete lie- he would never have hit Yuuri- knowing that their friendship was at least close to getting back to normal. Hopefully by the time the bruises faded, so would any memory of the past.

One more fresh start couldn't do any harm.

'So...how are you feeling?' Yurio asked, curiously looking over Yuuri, who looked not too worse for wear but definitely held an air of fatigue.

'The... _it's_ still having an effect. But good. I really am. Better than I was when I first came.' Yuuri admitted, taking the desk next to Yurio and picking out things from his pencil case. Yuri just smiled gratefully.

-

Lunch rolled around quickly, Yuuri making sure to stick close to Yuri's side, despite the frequent questioning looks it garnered. Yuuri had promised to return after he ran an 'errand' which Yuri was perfectly okay with, taking the time to talk with Otabek, their hands brushing under the table, never quite interlocking.

Yuuri wasn't sure if he wasn't making the right decision. Viktor, in homeroom, hadn't said a word to him, barely looked pleased to see him back. Rightly so, his face was still painted blue and black. But, Yuuri was determined to make it up to him. Yuri's quick forgiveness had given him the confidence to confront Viktor- whilst also giving him a little too much hope for how easy this was going to be.

He knocked (he rarely knocked) and waited (he never waited) and when no sound came from within, he cracked the door open to see Viktor pouring over his work, glasses slipping down his nose, silver hair mussed and falling onto the page before him- it had grown just a little too long. His eyes intently scanned the page, writing letters in large red print on the front of papers before spewing them off to the side of his desk where they lay in a hastily compiled pile, crushed and unbalanced.

'Viktor?' Viktor's head snapped up, a scowl permeating his face.

'Yes, Yuuri.' His voice was flat, accent still prominent but any usual flair lost in translation.

'Hi, Viktor. How are you?' Yuuri smiled gently and shut the door behind him, anxiety causing his hands to shake as he attempted to look composed, confident even.

'Fine.' Viktor turned back to his work.

'I just came to...I just wanted to apologise.' Yuuri began, trying to pry Viktor off the papers. 'For everything. You were trying to help and I did the worst thing possible. I didn't mean what I said, I promise. The...thing makes me do things I would never do. I just wanted to believe it wasn't my fault. But it was. And I can't be sorry enough for blaming you.'

Viktor hummed a non-committal response.

Yuuri left, heavy-hearted.

-

The events of the week left Yuuri itching for a fix, just like a crazed junkie. He withheld the urges, making sure to warn Yurio what was going on in case anything happened. The boy, for all his faults, was extremely accepting of it all and even Otabek made sure to help. His old group of friends, ones who he had neglected for so long, slowly started making their way back, complaining about his radio silence and asking how he'd been.

Suddenly, like before, he felt like a bad friend.

Here he had this group of friends that he'd just ditched for another.

He made it up to them.

And, soon enough, the people from the clinic had met all his friends and become close themselves. Then, Phichit had become apart of the group too, whining for far too long about Yuuri's silence too. He only felt worse.

He really would make it up to them.

So, he baked them all cookies. It was the only thing he knew he could do realistically. They were all delighted. Even Phichit, whose cookies had come crumbled and soft. Yuuri finally felt proud of himself again, he was finally beginning to feel like he was worth something.

But, Viktor was ever present in his mind. He itched for a fix in hopes that he could finally expel the thoughts from his mind. At school it was no surprise when Yuuri was treated like any student should be. He shouldn't have been so upset at being treated how he was supposed to.

Then again, he sure had noticed how friendly Viktor had become with the other students.

Jealousy burned in his blood; he wanted stardust to do it instead.

When Patricia came at the end of the week, Yuuri was almost frantic. His friends had done his best to comfort him but nothing seemed to be working. He hadn't lashed out, to which he was proud, and his friends did not hesitate in praising him for that much- anything to drag him out of the dark. But, at the sight of the orange liquid, his eyes widened in awe.

'Yuuri?' He was staring intently at the vial, ignoring Patricia's soft voice. He was transfixed. Stardust, stardust, stardust.

He needed it.

His hand reached out for it barely in time for Patricia to move away. 'Yuuri.' She warned gently, coaxing him back onto the bed, but he was too distracted. 'Stay still.' She ordered once he stilled, his eyes followed the syringe.

She plunged it into his arm with no resistance, smiling gently and telling him he was doing good, cleaning up the little red dot on his arm. Yuuri tried to revel in the new found feeling of being high but found nothing, nothing but a little dizziness.

Disappointment raged through him.

And then, like a miracle, it was there. Right in front of him.

Stardust.

'Give it to me.' He hadn't even realised he'd said it aloud.

'Wha-' Yuuri was already throwing himself forward, the little bottles in her backpack gleaming in the gentle light of his lamp.

'Yuuri stop!' She ordered but he was primal, scavenging through the back to find one that wasn't properly sealed- the packaging was irritatingly hard to get off.

'Yuuri, please stop.' She begged but he just kept searching. 'Yuuri please, this isn't you.' His eyes darted to her but in no time, they were back on the bag. 'I know what you're feeling right now but it's okay. If you just...take a step back, we'll talk about this.'

Yuuri turned to her, eyes wide and frantic. 'I need it.' He tried to explain, choking on his own words. 'Just one more. Just so I can forget.'

'Yuuri,' she placed a hand on his arm, gently pulling him back, 'what happened?' He stumbled back, wrapping his arms around the legs, the tears falling freely.

'I thought I was doing so well.' He sobbed, burying his face in his knees. 'I thought I was getting better.'

'You are.' She assured. 'Everyone has dark moments, you just have to fight through them.'

'You don't understand!' He choked. 'All I've ever lived are the dark moments! I've never had the light!'

'I do understand. You forget, I was in this place too. Just breathe. I promise things will get better. You just need to breathe.' He complied, taking shaky breaths. 'I don't think I'm the right person to help right now. Call your friends, the ones from the clinic. They'll have been through the same thing. They'll help.'

He called.

He smiled.

He didn't realise until after that the entire call he hadn't thought about Viktor once.


	45. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm creating a new account and starting again as I don't like these books. I wrote them when I was young and I want to move on. So, here is the plot for the end of Allodoxaphobia.

Chapter 45 ~Viktor chapter. His parental problems. His hate for Yuuri’s accusations. His breakdown. Chris comforts him, he pushes everyone away. Him and Makka moment. Mr Smith finds out about Viktor and Yuuri’s relationship, they talk. Viktor persuades him that nothing happens. Viktor is on a warning.

Yuuri and Viktor make up.

It’s finally the end of Yuuri’s time of treatment. The responsibility for Yuuri is given to Viktor (to prove that he won’t do anything more), despite his protests. The serum is like heroin, addictive, and it’s Viktor’s job to make sure the withdrawal is not too bad. Yuuri’s fighting through the withdrawal but is taken out of school often. They talk to the lab but they say they can’t do a thing. Viktor’s still in a bad place.

Chapter 46~Yuuri gets news that Millie is dead. Yuuri finds his hands on the serum and takes too much. He overdoses. Hospital. Viktor visits. Viktor forgives him. His parents are terrified. Yuuri agrees not to do it again.

Viktor sorts out his life with his parents. Yuri and Otabek get together. Mila apologises to Otabek, she is now with Sara. None of them want to graduate on bad terms.

Chapter 47 ~Skip to the future, Yuuri is graduating and his power is gone. He’s off to college, doing linguistics. Viktor congratulates him and sees him off. They have a private moment. Viktor isn’t really his teacher anymore. They kiss. Yuuri apologised and Viktor tells him not to. They say their goodbyes.

~Epilogue: three years later, Yuuri returns to Chicago and his home. He walks through the park and he spots someone. Their eyes lock. It’s Viktor. Viktor shouts his name. THE END.


End file.
